


Finding You in the Darkness

by Illusive_Media



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Awkwardness, Blow Jobs, Consensual Underage Sex, First Time Blow Jobs, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Gay, Gay Sex, Grinding, Love, M/M, Magic, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marijuana, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Threats of Violence, Underage Drinking, Underage Masturbation, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25411693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusive_Media/pseuds/Illusive_Media
Summary: Sometimes when the world seems at it's darkest, someone will come along and bring the light back into your life. Sirius and Remus are approaching their Sixth year, they have N.E.W.T.S to study, hormones to deal with, feelings to manage and an ever present dark force approaching them. They'll need each other to survive, if they can finally just admit what they are feeling.My first serious attempt at writing something. No Beta so all mistakes are mine. I've tried to follow canon but some things need to be changed because...Plotholes?Characters do not belong to me, i am just using them!! Credit to the Author!!!Hope you enjoy!
Comments: 13
Kudos: 20





	1. A Rough Morning and a Much Rougher Night Before

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic of this type so hope you go easy on me! If i get a response, i'll continue. i have the first ten or so chapters ready! Enjoy!

Remus groaned as he started to awake, his aching body protesting at the uncomfortable surface beneath him. His head felt heavy, much too heavy for his weary body to hold up and it lolled as he attempted to raise it. His tongue slowly licked at his dry lips and he cringed as his mouth felt dry, like a starved man in the desert. He heaved himself into a seated position, his hands blindly hitting bottles and cans scattered around him and the noise made him cringe. He cursed himself for the blinding headache he had.

_Man, I need to stop falling asleep on the floor_

Remus cringed again. Even his thoughts were too loud for him this morning. As he pulled himself up to his feet, he felt his bones clicking and re-adjusting and as he righted himself, he swayed dangerously and had to grab onto a hard surface to support him. Swallowing heavily, Remus was again reminded of his fuzzy tongue and morning-after breath and he nearly heaved at the reminder of his alcohol consumption. He looked around the room, wondering how he had even ended up back there last night, his blurry memories of the evening flickering around his too heavy head.

_So… we left the Crown...no fuck, not the Crown, we went somewhere after that…where was it…the Duck! So, we left the Duck and decided to go clubbing…we walked through London and Sirius…no shit, not Sirius, he couldn’t come…who was I with? James? James! Yeah, that’s right, me and James nipped into the Offy for a pack of smokes… wasn’t Pete with us? Fuck, I think we left Pete at the Duck…hope he got home ok!_

Remus grabbed a T-shirt off the back of his desk chair, quickly sniff-tested it, decided it was clean enough and pulled it roughly over his head. He then pulled open the door, cursing the stupid thing for creaking so. Fucking. Loudly. He dragged himself into the small bathroom down the hall, glaring in the direction of the sound of the hoover downstairs. Looking in the mirror, Remus was unsurprised to see how rough he looked. Bloodshot eyes that made his brown irises look less saturated, skin pale and clammy looking and dry cracked lips. In short, he looked like a walking corpse. In an attempt to bring some life back to his face, Remus splashed water onto it, gasping at the cold intrusion before using more water to attempt to flatten down his unruly curls. As he began to brush his teeth, he tried to recollect more of the previous evening.

_So, me and James went to meet up with girls outside the tube station because god forbid James miss out on a chance to be rejected by Lily Evans._

Remus snorted at his own joke; the amusement heightened in his hungover state.

_…Anyway, we ended up at the Masquerade…Jesus, James Potter in a gay bar…Thank fuck that Lily could get us those altered ID’s, she’s an actual genius._

As Remus moved back into his room and pulled on some clean underwear and trousers, he tried to fill in any blanks he still had about the night. Drinking way too much? That was given. Doing shots with strangers, dancing with Lily, sneaking off for a cheeky spliff in the smoking shelter with Sirius…No James! Why did he keep thinking that Sirius was there?

_Because there was a hot guy who looked sort of like him remember?_

Remus now recalled the horrible kiss he had shared with guy, all slime and no technique and he grimaced, hoping it was more the drunkenness and the guy than his own lack of skills.

Shaking his head, Remus groggily walked downstairs, hoping that some food and a strong cup of Tea would curb his lingering headache and nausea. Entering the kitchen, he dropped a kiss to the top of his mother’s head, grunting in reply to her way too chirpy good morning. He fell into a seat at the decrepit dining table and smiled gratefully as his mother placed a hot cup of Tea in front of him. He took a delicate sip, sighing happily. Moments later, food was placed in front of him and he began to scarf down the plate of meat in front of him.

‘You came in late again last night Darling…’ His mother, Hope said cautiously, the phrase coming out as half question, half statement. Remus looked up at her and saw worry in her tired, brown eyes and weathered face. He instantly felt guilty. Roughly swallowing his mouthful of food, he smiled apologetically before answering

‘Yeah…Sorry mum. You shouldn’t have waited up’ He paused, trying to find the right lie. ‘We got held up at James’ place, his folks are out of town, so we had a small get-together’

He hoped that he sounded convincing enough and luckily, his mother either bought it or thought better than to question it and so for now, she merely leant forward and placed a soft, delicate kiss to his forehead and brushed a soft hand through his hair. Remus let himself relish in the feeling, so familiar from his childhood.

‘That’s fine sweetie’ She paused, her face looking more timid for a moment before she plastered a smile onto her face again. ‘just…try to be quiet my love, you know how dad gets when he hasn’t slept well.’

Remus nodded, feeling guilty. Although his dad wasn’t an aggressive man by nature, his job and Remus’ condition left him overly stressed and therefore more prone to irritation, to which his mother got the brunt of. Many nights, Remus could hear the two of them bickering, hear his mother cry as his father shouted and then storming out to the garden to tinker in his shed. He knew that due to this, his mother struggled with sleeping, although Remus was sure that she had struggled with sleep since he was first bitten when he was four. Remus also had suspected something else was up with his mother. He watched her move around the kitchen, noting that she was slower and more unsteady, yet she wasn’t old enough to be slowing down yet. Remus worried, but whenever he asked her about it, she simply told him that it was stress or tiredness and that she would be fine in a while…it had been a long while though and she seemed to be getting worse.

After finishing his food, Remus shooed his mother away to sit down and started washing up, whistling gently to himself as he did so. As he was doing so, he heard the front door open and slam shut and heard the heavy sound of his father’s boots, quickly coming closer. He ignored his parents bickering, this time about his father’s dirty shoes in the house and simply continued to sway to his own whistling tune as he cleaned up.

_Smack_

Remus reacted instantly, bringing a bubbly hand up to the back of his head as he spun around to glare at his father. He opened his mouth to argue but quickly snapped it back shut as he saw the anger of his father’s suddenly puce face. His father pushed face almost against Remus’ as he roared

‘WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE DOING LAST NIGHT BOY?’

Remus gulped and quickly began to stammer

‘J…James…from school…invited me and Pete up to his….’

‘Don’t fucking lie to me boy’ Lyall spat, his thin face contorting into one of pained anger. It wasn’t often that Lyall Lupin got angry, only irate usually, so Remus knew he was in big trouble. ‘You were seen…’ He gestured wildly with his hands, ‘Gallivanting around London, pissed off your rocker with those bloody stupid friends of yours. Dirk Bones from the patrol unit saw you. He saw you prancing about and going into one of those bloody queer bars!’

Remus wanted to argue, wanted to tell his father that it shouldn’t matter what kind of bars he was going into, that he would have to accept it. However, his father had began speaking again, this time calmer, with a hand pinching at the bridge of his nose,

‘I told you boy, don’t show me up. For fucks sake…it’s bad enough that you….’

But Lyall suddenly cut himself off, swallowing strongly and looking instantly guilty. Remus blinked back tears of anger at his father’s words. He stretched up to his full height, which put him a couple of inches taller than the older man. He knew what he about to say and he was embarrassed and livid. He suddenly spat back,

‘I’m what? Huh? Go on, carry on…. It’s bad enough that I’m a Werewolf, god forbid I decide I want to fuck men too. I’m nearly seventeen for fucks sake, nearly an adult, get it into your stupid head that I’m not the small, defenceless child that got bitt…’

_Smack_

This time, Remus brought his hand to his now burning cheek. He looked at his father, eyes swimming with tears and his father looked back, ashamed, with tears of his own in his eyes. He lifted a hand to Remus’s cheek, saw the flinch and instantly dropped it again in shame. He straightened up, a hard look on his face before he spat

‘Learn your place son…or get the fuck out of my house. Last chance’

With a stiff point in Remus’ face, he stormed out of the room, pushed past his small wife and out of sight. Remus heard the backdoor slam and saw the man angrily march up the garden and into the shed. His father had never hit him before, never even raised a hand to, Remus felt betrayed. Remus flinched again as a softer hand touched his red cheek and Remus’ watery brown eyes met the identical ones of his lovely mother.

‘He didn’t mean it my love’ Her voice cracked with emotion, her tears free falling. ‘He…he just doesn’t understand…he’ll get better though’

Remus let a single, stray tear fall and pushed his mother’s hand away. He roughly wiped his eyes and turned away. As he left the room, he heard his mother’s timid call

‘I love you, my little cub’

Stopping, one foot on the bottom step of the creaky staircase, Remus sighed heavily, blinking back more tears. After a couple more tense moments, he called back

‘Love ya, Mum…So much’

He then heaved his weary back upstairs to his room and slumped heavily onto his single bed.

* * *

Sirius groaned as he started to awaken, his aching body protesting violently at the various different pains searing through him. His head felt heavy and throbbed at the back, where it had hit the floor over and over again. His nose was burning, and his jaw ached. One of his eyes was blurred and the other, forcibly shut by the swelling. As he pushed himself into sitting position, his hands flew to his ribs and he wheezed as he shifted uncomfortably, at least two were definitely broken, potentially more. His ears buzzed and he could feel drips of blood, still dripping down his sore, bruised face.

_Fuck, I can’t take this anymore, it’ll kill me._

He took a deep breath, gasping sharply at the sharp pain in his nose and ribs and counted slowly to three before pushing himself weakly from the floor. Sirius looked around, relieved to see that he was in his own bedroom. He looked towards the circular window and saw weak orange light in the distance, noting that sun was beginning to rise and placing the time around four in the morning. His mind raced as he remembered the night before.

_It was a dinner party; Sirius had been informed at the last minute that he was to cancel any plans he already made. His Mother and Father had their bloody awful friends around…showing off in front of one another, talking about loyalty and plans made…allegiances to a new figurehead, a man they called the ‘dark lord’. They spoke of him, his young charisma, his pride for purity and his plans of domination. It all made Sirius want to throw up…. Sirius kept to the corner, he liked to solitary peace and after Regulus had ditched him for his little arsehole school friends…the corner was the best place to be._

Sirius hobbled over to the wardrobe, leant against it for a moment and reached into his torn jacket.

Fuck.

His wand wasn’t in the holster. He slammed his head back against the wardrobe hard and instantly regretted it. He wouldn’t be able to stop the bleeding or even attempt to heal himself. With a pained grunt, he moved off the door and pulled it open. Biting into arm to stop himself screaming aloud, he instead let out a muffled shout of pain as he pulled the heavy trunk off the shelf and onto the floor. He had to hurry up or he would miss his opportunity. He went back to the wardrobe and pulled out anything he deemed essential.

_His mother was bragging about the nobility of the bloodline, no family was as pure as the Noble house of Black… those fuckers were lapping it up…until someone mentioned Uncle Alphard…and Andromeda. His mother made a scene of showing them all the scorched marks on the family tree, spoke of the pain it must have caused them to have their blood-link removed. Then someone mentioned him…spoke about Sirius being sorted into Gryffindor._

Sirius pulled out his uniform. The tie was gone, and the Gryffindor crest had been ripped away, ripping the cloak slightly. Every sign of the Scarlet and Gold was gone, to hide the shame. He sighed, pulled out the ripped uniform and folded it gently, placing everything into his trunk. He reached into the back of the wardrobe, pulling out the small, dusty pile of muggle clothing hidden there. Placing the clothes in the trunk as well, Sirius moved around the room, collecting schoolbooks, photographs, letters, and any other special item he wanted to keep, knowing anything he left now would be destroyed.

_She was so angry, her face pinched up and contorted into an ugly sneer. She had pulled Sirius up in front of everyone and demanded that he proved his loyalty to his bloodline… someone suggested a meeting with him…the dark lord. Sirius wished that he kept his mouth shut._

_She was furious, had instantly yelled Crucio. Sirius remembered his body contorting and writhing in pain. It felt like hours before she let up. Then Regulus…that stupid naïve little twat, always wanting to please mummy, to follow in her and daddy’s footsteps. She spoke to him like a little fucking baby. Told him to have a go, said it would make everyone happy, would make her proud._

_Why had Sirius pulled out his wand? Why had he made it worse for himself?_

_He had cast a simple shield charm, however Regulus’s curse had been weak and the shield had thrown him. Sirius was pulled out of the room, a hand wrapped in his hair, pulling it hard enough to come out. His Father had led the chorus this time, had tortured him relentlessly and let his friends have a go too. After hours, they left… then his father stood alone, towering over Sirius’ now limp body and as a final gesture…proving how vile they truly were, he had kicked Sirius hard in the face. Sirius felt his nose crack…he passed out._

Sirius shuddered from the memory but snapped out of his daydream and back into reality. He quickly went into the En-suite. He could barely look at his smashed-up face in the cracked mirror, another reminder of the constant abuse. His body ached and pulled as he slowly moved around, finding a loose hairband off the sink, and tying up his blood matted hair so it was out of his face. He then carefully and gently dried off as much blood off his face as physically possible.

After removing the worst of it, he pulled of his ripped dress robes, dropping them to the cold, tiled floor. He undid his bow tie and dropped it on top of the crumpled fabric. He undid the top buttons of his shirt, pushed the sleeves up roughly and began collecting his essentials off the surfaces. Walking back to the bedroom, he dropped them into the trunk and slowly got back to the floor and reached under the four-poster bed.

Feeling around, his hands finally grasped a strap and he pulled as hard as he could, dragging it towards him until the battered rucksack was in his hands. Picking it up, he peered inside at the contents to ensure everything was still there;

  * His Hogwarts letter with his book list and OWL Results
  * A small torch
  * A muggle penknife that Remus had given him for Christmas
  * A box of cookies with a preservation charm on them
  * A small black money pouch and muggle wallet
  * An enchanted map of the UK
  * A small notebook with the inscription ‘Property of J.F.P’



Sirius reached for the notebook, pulling it out and opening it to the back page, reading the small, scrawled handwriting on it

_You’re free to come whenever, mum says our door is always open to you. Don’t hesitate if you need it._

_14 Pixie Grove, Wilton under Hex, Salisbury._

Shoving the book back into the rucksack, Sirius closed the bag and pulled it onto his back. He looked at the trunk, then at the broom in the corner of the room. He wouldn’t be able to carry both. With a sigh, he resigned himself to leaving the broom before grabbing the trunk and heaving it onto its wheels.

He checked the time on the old clock on the wall, noting that if he rushed now, he could catch the last one. Going to the door, he tried the handle, praying it would be unlocked. It was. He opened the door quietly, avoiding making it creak and listened out for any noise or sign of life. Hearing nothing, he dragged the trunk out carefully, hoisting the rucksack further up and keeping an eye out for a wandering house elf. However, all he saw was darkness and all he heard was the distant snoring of his brother down the hall.

Reaching the front door, he touched a hand to the ornate, ancient doorknob and quietly chanted the blood spell to release the locks. The door clanked as it unlocked and panicked, Sirius whipped around to check if he had woken anyone. Hearing nothing, he sighed in relief and heaved the door open.

Dragging his case down the steps and onto the street, Sirius quickly moved up the street until he hit the corner of the square. He quickly stuck his hand out and suddenly, the old, purple knight bus screeched to a halt in front of him. Climbing on, he wheezed the address and paid the 2 Galleons. He dropped himself onto the bed at the back of the bus.

After only a few moments, the bus stopped, and Sirius saw that they were only on the other side of London. Looking up, he saw two rowdy wizards clamber on, the smell of fire whiskey following them. Hearing them speak to the conductor, Sirius recognised one of their voices. Ameycus Carrow. The guy was two years older than Sirius and the family were friends of the Black household. He would instantly recognise Sirius; he would tell his Mother and Father.

In a blind panic, Sirius noted that there was an Emergency door and with a flash of severe pain, he pulled down his trunk and grabbed his rucksack before slamming into the door and escaping the bus as quickly as possible, ignoring the shouts of the conductor behind him.

Rushing around the corner, Sirius stopped and leant against a brick wall, gasping for breath. He had nearly fucked it up. He should never have gotten the bus. It was a stupid idea. Now he could be traced. He shoved his hand in his trouser pocket, pulling out the ticket stub and reading

_Knight Bus #124_

_London Islington to Salisbury_

_Conductor: Albert Shunpike_

_Passage for: unknown_

_Passenger: SAMUEL GREEN_

Sirius weakly smiled and let out a small sob of relief, the Conductor had known, had sensed something, and had covered for him. Grabbing his trunk once more, Sirius slowly made his way to the nearest train station, Waterloo and using his minimal knowledge of muggle things, bought a ticket to Salisbury. Sirius spent the journey alternating between light sleep, eating his measly stash and shamefully hiding his bruised face from other passengers. Once at Salisbury station, Sirius pulled out the enchanted map, quietly said the magical address and then began following the map diligently.

After he had been walking for around an hour, Sirius finally made it to the house. Weak, tired and fed up, he pathetically knocked on the old red door. Finally, as the adrenaline faded, Sirius felt much weaker. Feeling suddenly dizzy, he leant his body heavily against the door, lurching as the wood disappeared beneath him.

Bracing himself to hit the floor, Sirius was surprised to be encased in warmth. Suddenly, he found that had reached his limit and he burst into tears. Between gasping breaths and sobs he managed to say

‘I can’t…be there…anymore….will kill…me….can I…stay here…just for now?’

The arms tightened around him, comforting him in a way he had never experienced before. For once, he felt safe. The smooth, soft voice spoke gently to him

‘Of course, you can stay here for as long as you need’

Sirius smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks, finally returning the embrace he sniffed

‘Thank you, Mrs Potter.’


	2. Reflect beneath the stars and rely on good people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus deals with the repercussions of his wild night out and ponders over his ever-changing body whilst Sirius finds comfort in the Potters, even if James has no tact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read the previous chapter, left Kudos or even nice comments! i genuinely did not think i would get any response at all so having positive feedback has been amazing! 
> 
> if you are reading this, you are back! Hello again! This chapter contains a hint of Smut so be warned. Still not used to writing sexual things so i hope it's satisfying enough and any feedback is gratefully accepted
> 
> Enjoy!!
> 
> Again, No Beta so may contain mistakes and I do not own the characters, although i agree with the sentiment that in this case, the beauty of the world outshines the awful messages of its Author. Harry Potter belongs to the Fandom!!!

The next couple of hours had been a blur for Remus. As punishment for his and James’ escapade the night before, Lyall had decided that in order to learn his lesson, he had to be put to work. The hungover boy, unwilling to further irritate his already stressed out father, had simply nodded and climbed off his bed to get dressed in more ‘work appropriate’ clothing. The list of chores that Remus was given was tedious and long and if Remus was going to be fussy, could have just as easily been done by his father with a single wave of his wand. However, Remus diligently completed each task to the best of his ability and by mid-afternoon Remus found himself, shirtless and sweaty, chopping wood in the back of the garden, the remnants of his hangover, long sweated away.

Finally, once he had been relieved of his duties, Remus flopped heavily onto his bed, exhausted and muddy. Although he was now feeling more chipper, his mood had grown more surly as the day passed. While his father had apologised, in the gruff, forcibly unemotional way that men do, Remus still felt put out by what had been said in the heat of the argument and in the on-going criticisms his father had thrown out during Remus’ work. Despite what his father believed, and had vocalised, Remus was not lazy. In fact, over the summer, to make some spare money that he could late convert, Remus had gotten himself a muggle job. Due to this, most days Remus had found himself lifting, digging and any other jobs that the elderly women of his village needed doing in their gardens.

And if he was honest with himself, Remus thought looking down at his glistening bare torso, the work had some rewards. Whilst his…. furry infliction meant that Remus gained more strength near the Full moon, the job had toned him up nicely. That, along with a sudden surge of hormones this summer meant that Remus had started losing the boyish awkwardness that had always followed him and that finally, he looked like a man.

As he lay on his bed, Remus wondered what he should do now. Usually, after a night out, he would mope around the house for the day, alternating between sleeping off his hangover and attempting to drown it in masses of food. However, due to his unfortunate punishment, Remus was awake and quite unusually alert. He considered writing to Sirius. He had not heard much from the other boy over the summer and he had suddenly cancelled on them yesterday. When Sirius had corresponded with Remus, albeit very briefly, it was to simply tell him, almost beg him in fact, not to bother writing. Remus recalled the last message, hastily scribbled down in the other boy’s beautiful cursive writing;

_Moony,_

_I appreciate it but best not write to me again. Nothing personal, just better not to. I’ll explain soon._

_Pads xx_

More than once, Remus had pondered over the letter, particularly the sign off. As far as he recalled, Sirius had always written overly formal and he never put kisses at the end of his notes. Remus had tried to ignore it, tried to think of countless excuses on Sirius’ behalf and even, in a moment of pure nosiness had looked at James’ letters from the boy to see if he signed off his letters to him that way. No, not even once. Even so, Remus continued to overthink the small, potentially innocent letter.

Remus huffed, turned over onto his side and jabbed at the small radio on his bedside table. The radio crackled with static for a moment before the smooth sounds of Fleetwood Mac came through. Turning back onto his back, Remus stared at the ceiling. What did he do now? He softly trailed a hand over his chest, feeling the soft, downy hair that had begun to grow there. His let the music wash over him as he let his hands wonder softly grazing over his chest and newly formed abs. As he did so, his mind suddenly imagined what it would be like to have sex to this song, to let the smooth beat dictate the rhythm of the love making.

Remus let his hand run down over his waistband, his finger toying with it, slipping under just slightly. He imagined another hand there, lips there, teasing at his hips and licking a strip down his navel. His fingers slipped fully under waistband, the tips of them feeling the smooth cotton of his underwear. Remus looked down, imagining a body there, in between his spread legs, running their hands up his long thighs and kissing over the button of his jeans. Remus let his eyes close as he imagined the other boy deftly unbuttoning the shiny button and pulling the jeans over his slim hips. Remus let his own hands follow these motions, his jeans ending at his knees and his underwear following. he brought up a hand to lick crudely before it returned to its place, gently grabbing the base of his shaft, and beginning to slide it up. He imagined the other boy there, his tongue licking where Remus’ hand glided. As his hand found a steady rhythm, the boy had taken Remus into his mouth fully and his head bobbed as he sucked him off enthusiastically. Within an embarrassingly short amount of time, Remus felt the still unfamiliar sensation in his groin, the tightening of his balls and an image flashed through his mind of him grabbing the boys hair, the long soft black mane between his tight fingers.

_Bang_

‘For god’s sake women, come and sit down before you hurt yourself’

The moment was broken suddenly. Remus pulled his hand away at the sound of his father’s voice downstairs. He flopped his body back heavily, letting his body relax again, his cock softening pathetically against his stomach. After a few minutes, he pulled his pants and jeans back up, huffing as he got up from the bed. He made his way to the bathroom, washing his hands quickly before splashing water onto his heated face. As he turned back into the hallway, he could hear the soft murmuring of his parent’s downstairs as his mother bid his father goodbye for the evening. Remus saw over the Bannister as Lyall shuffled into the downstairs hallway, gathered his coat and shoes before throwing a careless wave up to Remus.

Remus leant against the bannister as he watched his parents kiss before his father left through the rotting front door. Lyall had been called into work after being informed of a lead in the Greyback case. Greyback was still a sore topic in the household, being the cause of Remus’s condition. Remus often found it hard to not blame his father for making Greyback attack him, however occasionally the anger stirred beneath the surface. It was his father’s fault that Remus turned in to a hideous beast once a month, his fault that the boy would be covered in scars for the rest of his life, including the giant hideous scratch marks that Remus had over his chest and the large bite mark on his shoulder from the werewolf’s attack.

Shaking away these dark thoughts, Remus moved back into his room, grabbed the first semi-clean t-shirt he could find and pulled it over his head as he made his way downstairs. There, he cooked for him and his mother, both of them mutually deciding that Lyall did not need to know that they had not eaten at the table, but rather in front of the small television in the living room. After, he had coerced his mum back onto the sofa, with a nice cup of Tea as he washed up and cleaned the kitchen. Once done, he helped his mum up the stairs to get ready for bed. Although early still, Hope Lupin slept a lot, leading Remus to worry as to what she hiding from him. Once he knew she was settled, he trudged back to his own dingy room, sat at his rickety desk, and jotted a note to James. The Potter’s had offered to take Remus with them to Diagon Alley to get their schoolbooks and Remus, for once, had enough saved money to get himself something nice. Remus signed off the note, with a gentle reminder of the upcoming full moon and sealed the letter with wax.

Getting up, Remus cracked open the window and opened the small Birdcage on the desk, letting the elegant Tawny owl free. Attaching the letter and feeding the bird an owl treat, Remus gathered him on his arm and gathered a pre-rolled spliff and lighter from the ornate box on his shelf. Finally, he climbed out of the window and sat on the lightly slanted roof section below him. Setting the bird off, Remus lit the spliff and watched beautiful bird flew off into the inky darkness.

* * *

The next couple of hours had been a blur for Sirius. He had been led in, so very gently and placed delicately on a seat in the large, spacious kitchen of the Potter’s home. Sirius, in the vast amount of pain he was in had gritted his teeth, allowing a small, pained hiss to fall from his lips. Within seconds, a small vial was being placed into his hands and Sirius was encouraged to drink. The blue liquid fizzed slightly as it dripped down his parched throat and the taste had been unpleasant, however, within moments his body had begun to sag in relief as the pain ebbed away from his body.

Sirius had watched as James’ mother had quickly moved around the room, gathering vials, ointments, and a large tome before moving over to the table. Sirius eyed Euphemia Potter, noting all the differences between her and his own, cruel mother. Whilst both were tall and thin, with an air of elegance, Euphemia’s eyes were big and loving, as though you could see her kind soul through them. She was every bit the opposite of Walburga Black. Where the Black’s were famed for their dark, strong features, Euphemia’s brown hair was fairer, with speckles of grey littering through. Her hair, unlike the stern, pulled back bun of his mother, was tied loosely at her neck, a few tendrils softly laying against her temples. Her features were softer too, less jagged, and more delicate, making her look cuddly. In the soft light of the morning, her pastel dress looked idyllic and fairy-tale like as she moved around her equally homely kitchen. She brought a sense of peace to Sirius, allowing him to finally relax. Sirius watched her ponder over the large spell book, muttering quietly to herself. Sirius internally questioned the need for the book, hearing from James that his mother was a talented healer who had worked for St. Mungo’s during her youth, however he assumed the book was simply a comforting element, rather than one of need.

She moved back towards him, her thin hand gently at his chin as she dabbed a foul-smelling substance onto his eye. Apologising softly, although she had not hurt him, Euphemia pulled back, pulling her wand from where it sat in the thin belt of her dress. She pointed her wand, the incantation silent and Sirius felt a warmth and then the pulling sensation was gone. Still Euphemia tutted slightly. Once she was done, she instructed him to stand, ensuring she had healed every part of him she physically could. After seating him once more, she moved back to the self-stirring pan on the cooker and swished her wand once more, making the food sour from pan to plate. The plate soared over to Sirius, placing itself precisely in front him, his nostrils being invaded by the rich smells of the Frittata.

Once satisfied that Sirius was catered and cared for in that moment, Euphemia sat in the chair adjacent to him.

‘I’ve done everything I can do for you my darling’ The woman’s eyes gleamed with unshed tears as he hand so delicately touched his. ‘However, the ribs will have to heal naturally, and I haven’t been able to get rid of all of the bruises or older scars….and that blasted eye…oh my’

As she said this, her hand ghosted over his wrist, the myriad of small, white scars littered there before moving up to hover near his cheekbone, where his black eye began. She sniffed gently, her hand moving to swipe away a traitorous tear before she gave Sirius a sad smile. She said no more, allowing Sirius to finish his food in peace as she left to fix up the spare bedroom. Sirius sat in the kitchen, finishing his food, and listening to the soft, classical music coming from the old, enchanted record player sat on the wooden shelf behind him. He let himself relax, looking out at the sun rising through the window, listening peacefully before the sound of strong footsteps interrupted him.

Fleamont Potter entered the room then, smiling a charming smile at Sirius. Euphemia must have informed her husband of Sirius’s arrival and condition, for Fleamont did not look surprised and simply took no notice of Sirius’ bruised face. Rather, the man held out a gentle hand, which Sirius took weakly.

‘How you feeling now, Sirius my boy? Was the journey here ok?’

Sirius felt a sense of relief at the almost normal conversation that the man had sparked and smiled hesitantly back as he replied

‘Not too bad sir.’ He swallowed a mouthful of food before continuing ‘I had to take the Muggle train here though, the bus was too risky’

Fleamont nodded thoughtfully, taking an ornate pipe from his pocket, and lighting it. After taking a long pull and releasing it, he replied

‘None of this Sir bullshit lad, I’ve told y’all it before. Just call me Flea, I’m much too young to be a sir yet’ he winked at Sirius who chuckled. ‘Ah, the muggle train eh? Not too stressful I hope, a bit of walk though am I right?’

Fleamont noted the shrug, leaning back in his chair. Apparently deciding not to push it, he pulled his elegant wand from its holster, silently waving it and conjuring a plate of food to dish itself up and float towards him. Smiling Jovially, the older man chirped

‘If you’re wanting any more food, I’d grab it now and quick. I passed James on the landing and by Merlin, that lad can eat. There won’t be any food left once he’s done.’

Laughing happily, Sirius helped himself to another serving of food and tucked in happily. The walls hummed with the sound of heavy, uncoordinated footsteps hammering down the stairs and suddenly the kitchen door flew open, revealing a mass of scruffy hair and gangly limbs. James Potter looked like he had rolled straight out of bed and down the stairs and Sirius, knowing James very well at this point, suspected that was exactly the case. The boy’s hair stuck up at odd angles and his glasses were askew, covering his handsome face.

‘Thought I heard you done here, what are you…. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE’

Clearly Euphemia had not gotten around to relaying the same information to her son, or else her might have been more sensitive with his greeting. Fleamont must have also thought this as he threw a limp hand at his son, catching the taller boy in the stomach

‘Have some tact boy, that’s no way to greet an old friend’ Fleamont turned to Sirius ‘I must apologise Sirius, it appears someone snuck in during the night and transformed my dear boy into a blundering, tactless troll.’

Sirius laughed as James rolled his eyes before ensuring James that it was not important and that he would explain later. It took a stern moment of eye contact before James relented but not before his outrageous outcry of

‘NOT IMPORTANT? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’VE GONE 3 ROUNDS WITH AN OGRE, I SWEAR IF THAT’S YOUR PARENT’S DOING, I’LL…’ Fleamont cut him off before he could finish this statement with a stern point of his finger. As James broke eye contact with Sirius, his father made his eye instead saying

‘Lower your voice James, stop harassing Sirius whilst he’s eating. You won’t make good, making threats about anyone’s parents, nevertheless…no offence Sirius boy…Walburga and Orion Black, so pipe down and eat some breakfast.’

Fleamont finished this demand with a stern eyebrow at the wild teenager that was pacing the floor like a caged tiger. He waited until James stopped and looked at him, James deflating as he muttered an apology to his dad and then to Sirius. He grabbed a plate of food before slumping down in his chair. Halfway through a mouthful of food James nudged Sirius, who was sipping on a cup of Warlock Brew Coffee, offered by Fleamont. The Coffee was a dark Purple and as Fleamont informed Sirius whilst making it, had been gifted to him by Nicholas Flammel. The Coffee was strong and warm and had a hint of toffee in the flavour and Sirius instantly felt more rejuvenated from the first sip.

Sirius looked at James, who had waited for Sirius to put his mug down before speaking. James smiled his lazy, charming smile before saying

‘Good to have your here man, these last few weeks are gonna be the best summer of your life’.

Sirius smiled back and mimicking James’ posture, slumped down slightly and relaxed further into his chair.

Maybe, just maybe it would be the best summer of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't believe there were many strange British words this chapter, however i may be wrong.  
> Spliff - English word for a Joint/ Weed/ Cannabis  
> gangly - Lanky, tall, limbs too long for your body
> 
> Next chapter we will dive into more magic i promise! i just thoroughly enjoy the dynamics of the Potter's, especially Fleamont! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and i hope you all come back for more!


	3. Reunited on the Cobbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and The Potters head to Diagon Alley and Meet up with Remus. Emotions ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello My friends, 
> 
> Thank you once again for the amazing response to last chapter, i am literally gob-smacked! 
> 
> This chapter is a little longer but more of a filler, i hope you enjoy it all the same! 
> 
> Still no Beta so mistakes may be about, apologies.  
> I do not own the characters, i just force them into emotional, gay situations. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Sirius had settled into his new housing arrangements incredibly well. If living at Grimmauld Place was the equivalent to living as wizarding royalty, then Sirius had died and gone to Heaven living with the Potters. Every day he was greeted by warm smiles and hot cooked food by Euphemia herself, always delicious and always gratefully wolfed down by the men in the household. Every day James would have suggestions of what to do, whether that be playing one on one Quidditch the large garden, exploring the Woods for magical creatures or simply wandering into the neighbouring villages to hang out with the Muggle kids. When tired and hungry, the boys would trudge back inside to be greeted by yet more good food, homecooked yet again and then in the evenings, the family would sit, sometimes playing games, sometimes just chatting and other times in warm, comfortable silence reading and relaxing. Within a week, upon spotting Sirius periodically approach the ornate Chessboard, Fleamont had challenged him to a match, which now became a nightly occurrence as James lounged on the floor near the fire, reading or talking quietly with his mother. All in all, Sirius was living a life of luxury, finally away from his abuse parents.

However, Sirius could not let his mind relax. He still often flinched at loud noises, quite common within the household due to James being clumsy and Fleamont’s tinkering with Potions regularly. He still felt like this whole situation was temporary, or worse a beautiful dream and that he would wake up, battered, and bruised on the floor of his bedroom at Grimmauld Place. Sirius knew in his head that this couldn’t last forever, that at some point he would have to learn to fend for himself, however, for now at least, he was going to make the most of it.

Out of everything that Sirius was grateful for, having people who truly cared for him, no matter how much he fucked up, was the best feeling in the world. He and James had grown even closer over the past two weeks, as close as a brother and Sirius found that he confide in his best friend about everything that had been happening whilst he lived at home. Sirius learnt very quickly how loyal James was to him, this being discovered in the form of a fist sized hole in the door after Sirius had described the events of the dinner party. As for the elder Potters, well Sirius had never known that parents could be so warm. Effie, for Euphemia would not accept any other name, was more nurturing and loving than any other woman had ever been to Sirius and he found himself able to be more emotional and freer when around the Potters. As for Fleamont, the man commanded respect as expected, however he radiated a sense of calm and his soft voice and demeanour made Sirius feel relaxed. They never talked down to him, never tried to anger him and they didn’t mock him on the few occasions he had gotten upset. At first, Seeing Fleamont come towards him, hand outstretched had made a sobbing Sirius cower, however the hand went to his chin, lifting it slightly as he spoke calmly and softly

‘Emotions are what makes us human Sirius, you have to let them out or you’ll never feel settled’

Sirius would later deny that he fell sobbing like a child into the arms of the big man but feeling the large hand of the older man cradling his head had made Sirius feel more in tune with himself than ever before.

The two weeks had passed quickly, and Sirius had begun to recover, both physically and mentally. His ribs no longer hurt when he moved and the bruises had started to fade, his eye now a slight yellow as opposed to the aggressive purple and black it had once been. Sirius was glad of this especially today as, for the first time since leaving his family home, Sirius was going to leave the comfort of countryside. The Potters had already arranged to take James to get his new school supplies, having already invited Remus along with them. Now, with Sirius in tow, the Potters were to ensure that all three boys had the correct books, uniforms that fit and everything else the boys would need for their upcoming year. Sirius had been hesitant to leave the safety of the home, for fear that he would be spotted and dragged back to his mother, however he hadn’t seen Remus in months and the idea of seeing the boy made his heart flutter.

Flutter? Since when did his heart Flutter…Sirius Black’s heart certainly did not do that…especially when thinking about another guy…especially not his mate. Definitely not.

Nevertheless, despite what Sirius convinced himself, he still found himself awake early, showering and washing his hair, despite having done so the night before and standing in front of his wardrobe for much longer than he dare admit. His body felt restless with a mixture of anxiety and Excitement and Effie seemed to sense this when she entered the Kitchen to find the boy sat, drinking his third coffee, and periodically looking at the clock on the wall. Effie, obviously unaware of the conflicted Remus emotions, tried to reassure Sirius not to worry,

‘We’ve got everything sorted my darling’ The woman cooed at Sirius, making him feel like a little boy all over again. ‘You don’t need to worry about a thing. Flea and I will be with you the whole time and if you begin to worry or panic, I will have a calming potion ready for you.’ The older woman bussed him on the cheek and Sirius instantly relaxed, smiling in return. He had fallen into a beautiful relationship with the older woman, allowing her to dote on him like a second son whilst he charmed her in the way that Black men were known, making her blush and giggle, which often made James pretend to vomit into the nearest object to him.

‘Oh Effie..’ Sirius grinned ‘You are the most precious woman I have ever had the pleasure to meet’

The older woman’s cheeks pinked as she playfully swatted Sirius on the shoulder and dared him to repeat that in front of Fleamont. At that moment, the man in question strode into the room, his lanky son moping behind him.

‘Don’t let me hear what eh?’

Effie and Sirius shared a secret laugh before the woman made her way over to her husband, dropping a kiss to his thinning crown

‘Good Morning Flea, nothing at all, Master Black was simply trying to woo me away from you’

James pretended to throw up into his Cereal and Fleamont subtly pulled his wand from his inside pocket and muttered an incantation. Suddenly, all the contents of James’ bowl had erupted, causing the boy to be drenched in Milk.

As the room burst into laughter at James’ expense, Effie fixed the boy until he was dry and clean once more, proceeding to play with his hair muttering under her breath about James’ inability to look presentable.

Sirius sat back in his chair, observing the domestic bliss of the morning. He could get used to this.

An hour later, everyone was ready to leave. Effie was doing last minute checks, whilst Fleamont prepared the fireplace and grabbed the Floo Powder. Sirius watched as Fleamont used his wand to draw out the circular runes on the stone floor before muttering the incantation to connect the fireplace to Floo network. Before taking his already measured bag of powder, Sirius checked he had his money pouch, grimacing at the meagre amount inside with a grimace, as well as his vault key. A part of him knew that the vault had most likely been emptied already but he thought it was worth a try. Once he was sure he had everything, Sirius stepped into the fireplace, emptied the powder onto the floor and confidently yelled

‘Diagon Alley’

* * *

Remus was trying not to smile like a maniac. This was his first time back in Diagon Alley for over two years, his father having ordered his supplies from the second-hand shop near the ministry the previous years. However, he was happy that this year, thanks to his job and the money his mum had saved, Remus could enjoy shopping on the magical high street. Having gotten into London earlier than planned, as he forced to take Muggle trains due to his father refusing to connect to the Floo lines as he deemed them ‘Reckless and dangerous’. However, due to this, Remus was stuck in London waiting for the Potters to meet up with him as the Leaky Cauldron. After already having wondered through Diagon Alley first thing, getting into Gringotts to change his muggle money into wizarding currency, Remus had chosen to head back into the Muggle world and have a look at the vintage shops that surrounded the old magical pub. Then, after realising just hoe early he was, Remus slowly made his way back to the pub, hoping to simply sit and wait for the others to arrive. Sitting down in the corner, Remus made small talk with the barman, Tom for a few minutes before turning to the breakfast menu, scanning the pages for the cheapest food to order. After ordering himself egg on toast and a cup of spiced, pixie tea, costing him three Sickles and a Knut, Remus sat in the corner, quietly reading ‘ _Covens Uncovered: Unearthing the Magic of Pagan Runes’_ whilst happily scoffing down his food.

After a while of enjoying the tranquil atmosphere of the warm pub, the silence was rudely interrupted as the door slammed open loudly, the sound of heavy footsteps running in and the loud jovial yell of

‘REEEMUSSSS, REEEEEEEEEEEEMUSSSSSSSS’

The voice was followed by a thunderous laugh, followed by a stern but still warm voice, exasperatedly begging

‘James Potter, for the last time, will you stop yelling please!’

Remus looked up, chuckling at the sight before him. James Potter, in all his tall and awkward glory, was walking towards him, face slightly reds out of embarrassment of being told off by his mother in public but still sporting the cheeky smile he was known and loved for. His hand rubbed at his chest, where his mother had swiped him with her bag. Remus looked over the boy, noting how much he had seemed to change over the summer. He was much taller now, having hit a growth spurt within days of school ending and his hair was longer and wavier, stray locks hanging over his face, hitting his round glasses that protected the deep brown eyes. He now sported the start of a pathetic moustache, quite clearly the bane of his mother’s life as anyone in a mile radius could see how ridiculous it looked. Remus stood and the boys quickly embraced, both noting the others newfound strength. Remus then turned, shaking hands with Fleamont, and accepting a warm hug from Effie, who admonished him in greeting

‘….and what have I told you about calling me Mrs…. It’s Effie and you know it’

Within the strong embrace of the older woman, Remus finally locked eyes with the fourth and final member of the little party. Instantly, he grinned. Sirius fucking Black. He too had changed over the summer, his long dark hair pulled up into a bun at the base of his head. His face looked more angular, sharper but in an appealing way and he too sported the shadow of facial hair. His body looked lean and poised; his miniscule baby fat now gone. In short, Sirius looked good. Really good. Remus did note, however that Sirius did not seem as positive as the rest of the small group, his body tensed up and his eyes shifting around them. He looked troubled and Remus wanted to know why. Pulling out of the hug, Remus was unsure of how to greet his friend, as Sirius had never been one to initiate contact. Remus simply waved and said

‘Alright, Sirius? I didn’t know you were coming too?’

Sirius shuffled awkwardly before throwing out his hand. Remus raised an eyebrow at the formality but shook it anyway.

‘Hey Ree, how’s it going? I’ll explain everything later alright?’

Sirius attempted to smile, although it came out as a grimace before he moved forward to clap Remus on the shoulder, his fingers curling for a moment around Remus’ neck. Remus instantly focused on the sensation. Sirius’ fingers were calloused, his hands strong and warm against Remus’ skin. His eyes bore into Remus’ face, but Remus could not look him in the idea, his own firmly focused on his own shoes.

Sirius, apparently suddenly uncomfortable, sniffed and pulled his hand away muttering under his breath

‘Not too many scars…some though…some’. He sniffed again, clapped Remus on the upper arm and said gruffly

‘Yeah, good to see you bud…gonna be a good day’

The then quickly turned away, heading towards the back door where the entrance to Diagon Alley sat behind the brick wall. James stared after him, looking to Remus for some clarification. Remus simply shrugged. In response, James raised an eyebrow, chuckled, and said

‘All right then mate, let’s head off, shall we? Busy day ahead of us!’

He threw a heavy arm around Remus’, who had shouldered his satchel and the boys walked over to where Sirius stood, brooding in the corner. Fleamont manoeuvred to the front of the group, leading them to stand directly in front of the large, red brick wall ahead of them. Using his wand to tap out the intricate pattern, Fleamont stood back as the wall peeled away, slowly revealing the colourful and vibrant street.

Clapping his large hands Together, Fleamont then offered his arm to his wife before saying

‘Right then Gentlemen, Let’s get shopping’

* * *

After quick deliberation, it had been decided that Fleamont would nip with Sirius to Gringotts to try and get the rest of his money out of his family vault before the Black family had a chance to remove it themselves. Sirius looked almost green at the thought of having Fleamont there during, potentially, the most embarrassing moment of his life. However, the older man simply clapped his shoulder and reassured him that they’d sort it one way or another.

The others decided to start shopping and headed straight to _Quality Quidditch Supplies_ for James, as he needed new armour and a whole new set of robes for the Gryffindor team, of which he had been made captain of this year.

Sirius’ mind wandered as they made their way to the large bank. He had a bad feeling about all of this and despite the usually calming presence of the man beside him, Sirius felt like he was going to throw up.

From the moment they entered the establishment, Sirius knew it was going to be bad. The Goblins, of whom usually cowered under the presence of the Black family, stared at him as they entered, their long fingers hiding their mouths as they whispered to one another. Fleamont used a strong hand to guide Sirius straight up to the main desk, unusually empty for once. Within moments of requesting to see the vault, Sirius was informed that he no longer had access.

‘It would seem, Master…. Black….’ The Goblin had squeaked, his voice thin and condescending, the pause before Black feeling like a stab to Sirius’ gut. ‘that the Black family no longer wish for you to have access to the heir accounts. You are to hand over your key…. now’

Fleamont had looked angry and had sent the boy away. Sirius wondered if he was mad at him for causing a scene, angry that Sirius’ eyes had watered, betraying how upset he actually was. Sirius simply handed over the pouch and key, flinching away from the hand that was likely trying to pat his back comfortingly. Fleamont had told him to go find the others, his voice coarse with the tempered anger that he was much too gentlemanly to unleash in public. Sirius practically sprinted out of the bank, knocking over a Goblin who was stood gawping at him. Sirius wondered down the street, trying to stop the tears from flowing. He knew now that he would not have enough money to buy himself everything he needed this year, along with enough to rent a place next summer. He resigned himself to having to buy second-hand items, particularly a second-hand wand. It would take a while to adjust but Sirius knew he needed one. As he neared the shop, Sirius felt his chest constrict painfully and knew he needed to get off the main strip. He quickly dipped into the small alleyway between the two shops and slid down the wall to the dirty floor. He pulled his hood up, glad he had worn his hooded robe today. Taking in some deep breaths, Sirius tried to tamper down the panic attack, fumbling in his pocket for the pack of cigarettes he had won from a muggle boy earlier that week. He need anything to distract him from the panic attack that was dangerously trying to overtake his body. He felt around for a lighter, becoming more hysterical when he couldn’t find it

‘You needing a light?’

The deep, soft voice pulled Sirius out of his panic and he looked up to see a zippo lighter in front of him. As he reached to take it, the lighter was pulled just out of reach

‘Trade a light for a smoke...’

Sirius simply held out the pack, taking the lighter quickly and lighting up his own cigarette. The pack was chucked back onto his lap as Remus slid down the wall beside him. Sirius felt soft fingers trace his leg as Remus took back the lighter and he jumped slightly at the soft click of the lighter and listened to the deep inhale. Remus spoke whilst Exhaling, smoke filtering out of his mouth

‘Not very subtle place to hide your smoking habit Pads, Effie saw you sneak down here. Good job, I said I’d come check on you’

A deep chuckle followed the statement. Sirius simply said nothing but kept his head bowed, the hood obscuring his puffy eyes and red cheeks. Remus, however, was not stupid and sensed instantly that something was wrong. A soft hand came up to the hood, pulling it back off his face and turning Sirius by the chin to face him

‘What’s up with ya today? You look like you’re about to cr…SHIT! Pads, you’re crying!’

Sirius felt himself being pulled and suddenly, he was engulfed by the strong arms of the young werewolf, suddenly surrounded by the musky smell of the other teenager. Sirius’ self-control suddenly vanished, and he was sobbing, stumbling through his explanation,

‘…M..my…..Parents…party…Reg…Cruc…Crucio…ran away…Potters…living..t..there…cut off…n..no money…wand..’ he broke off fully into sobs now.

Remus was quiet for a few seconds and Sirius could tell he was trying to piece together what had happened. After a moment, he tightened his hold on the crying boy and whispered

‘…Fuck Pads, I’m so sorry.’ He sniffed, the sound slightly wet, suggesting he was trying not to cry himself. ‘I’ll try to help in any way I can, I promise.’

The boys sat there, in an embrace, rocking slightly as Sirius slowly stopped crying, Remus rubbing his back gently until he moved. Sirius, embarrassed to be caught crying, again, roughly pulled out of Remus’ arms, instantly regretting do so as the heat suddenly left him. Remus seemed to be unfazed by this and simply sat back, his head resting on the wall behind him. Sirius rubbed at his face aggressively then pulled out another cigarette and lighting it, quietly smoking for a few seconds before finally speaking

‘I don’t know what to do Moons…I’m so fucking lost. I can’t go back there, they’ll kill me. They wont even hesitate to. I know that now. I mean nothing to them. But… I can’t mooch off the Potters forever. It’s not fair, not fair on them at all. I don’t know what I can do though, I mean, I have some money left to me by my Uncle but…if I buy everything I need, I can’t afford to get my own place….They fucking cut me off, I mean, I knew they would but….it hurts man. Some of that money is mine! i need a wand! I don’t even have a broom or anything I need for school….’ His monologue trailed off as realised. Moony’s family, they could barely ever afford to buy things for him, and Remus never once complained about it. He never said anything about wearing Robes too short or having textbooks with pages ripped out, he just got on with it. Sirius felt even worse now for complaining about money in front of his friend who could never afford these things.

Sirius sighed, putting out the stub of his cigarette and chucking it away. He looked at Remus who had not said a word, simply looked at him like he wanted to take away all of Sirius’ pain. After a minute, he sighed himself before locking eyes with Sirius. Sirius flinched as a hand came up but allowed Remus to take his chin and look him dead in the eyes. The moment was intimate.

‘I thought it looked bruised, was that your mother?’

Sirius scoffed back. ‘No, that was a gift from my dear father’ he spat, disgusted.

Remus swallowed deeply, his eyes conveying the mix of sadness and guilt that he apparently felt, and Sirius so badly wanted to find a way to stop that look, to ensure that Remus never looked like that again. Remus brought his other hand up to Sirius’ jaw and slowly brought their heads together, foreheads pressed firmly together. Sirius closed his eyes, breathing in the strangely comforting smell of the other boy. He smelled like books and chocolate and…musky, hinting at the wolf beneath.

‘What are we doing?’ He finally asked, a wet chuckle escaping. He felt the vibration of Remus chuckling back at him.

‘Ummm…well…. uhm….’ Remus seemed embarrassed, clearing his throat before continuing ‘ well, in wolf pack, the wolves…they press their heads together as a sign of comfort…support… I just instinctively did it…. I thought it would comfort you’

‘It does’

‘Good’

The boys stayed there for a few seconds before Remus pulled away. Pushing himself up, the held out a hand, pulling the shorter boy up to his feet. Brushing himself down, he said

‘Feel better?’

Sirius nodded.

‘Great…Great’

They boys stood there, looking at each other, both releasing a little, nervous laugh. Remus ran his fingers through his shaggy hair before they were interrupted by a yell

‘Re? Sirius? You out here?’

Sirius spoke.

‘ah, that’s James…’ He said unhelpfully. Obviously, it was James. Sirius almost rolled his eyes at himself. ‘… bet he’ll be wondering where we are’

Remus nodded and Sirius moved to walk out of the alleyway. As he passed Remus, the boy grabbed his arm gently and said

‘We’ll sort it Pads, I promise’

Sirius nodded again and smiled slightly at the boy before continuing out of the Alleyway and back onto the busy street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully no British-isms this time! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and if you have any feedback, i would be grateful for some! 
> 
> Hopefully see you for the next one!


	4. A Magical first Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus centric chapter. Remus gets to experience magic in a whole new way when he dips into the more lavish side of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! 
> 
> New chapter time and this one is solely from Remus' point of view. I did some sneakiness with some of the names so hopefully that'll be enjoyable for some of you. it was a great source of amusement for me!!  
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Thanks again for all the positive feedback, nearly at 100 hits now!!!! 
> 
> As always no Beta and i do not own anything!!

Leaving the alleyway, Remus led Sirius back to the front of the store where James stood fidgeting, his body rocking as he shifted his weight from foot to foot impatiently. A few metres off, the elder Potters were hunched together, heads nearly pressed against each other, quietly talking. From looking at Fleamont, noting his tense body, his jaw tightened, and brow furrowed, Remus could tell that he was furious. Sirius appeared to notice them too, become more shifty and agitated, making Remus wonder what exactly happened at the bank. When the boys approached, the older man coughed gruffly before straightening up and resetting his face back into the calm, neutral one that he usually possessed,

‘Right then lads, that business at the bank took longer than I thought, it’s done now though and…’ he paused, pulling his brass pocket watch from where it sat and flicking it open. Remus glanced at it; he had never seen such a lavish looking watch before. The face was dark, and the watch had many hands, all in different colours like sets. Some moved like a normal watch; however, others were set in place, dictating location and there was a large dial that pointed out the weather. Fleamont flicked the lid back down and continued

‘It seems like a good time for a spot of lunch, I think. I was thinking we’d nip into ‘The Lucky Warlock’ if all you are happy about it?’

Remus looked around at the group. Effie and James, who they knew loved the unique restaurant were beaming, James bouncing on his toes and rubbing his stomach, almost comically. However, Sirius seemed even tenser now. Remus understood all too well, being in the same situation as the other boy financially and quite honestly, ‘The Lucky Warlock’ was known for its opulence. Before he could think of suggesting something different however, Sirius was already agreeing, his body still tense but his face relaying the image of a man ate ease. This was a common occurrence for Sirius, as Remus had learnt through experience. Over the previous five years of friendship, Sirius had often shown these similar signs of shutting down emotionally, ensuring that he always kept the pretence of composure that purebloods were often taught and Sirius had perfected this façade to a tee, especially in situations pertaining his parentage. Remus made a note to keep an eye on the other boy, to make sure that he did not shut himself off any further.

The group walked to the restaurant, with each of them greeting others that passed them on the busy street of Diagon Alley. Just ahead of ‘Ollivanders’, Fleamont directed them down a side street that Remus knew of well but had never had the fortune of ever wandering through. The Sontuosa Strip was well known for its boutique styled shops, where the richest of families would spend hours in and where Remus knew too well that James and Sirius had both been known to frivolously shop their never-ending wealth away. Passing by _Sarta’s Fineries,_ a high end wizarding clothing shop and _Acclaimed Alchemy,_ the store that exclusively sold the more expensive of Fleamont’s potions, they had finally gotten to the door of the large, Georgian building which had been turned into the restaurant. Walking in, Fleamont was instantly greeted by the Maître D, a short man with an incredibly elaborate moustache, wearing glistening white wizard robes and a bright pink bowtie. After Greeting the Potters, he turned to introduce himself to Sirius and Remus, his small arms outstretched

‘….and Friends of Mr Potter, lovely to be acquainted! Alvis Hornbeam, Manager of this fine establishment.’ His small hands reached out and Remus took it, abundantly aware of his sweaty palms. ‘So Lovely to meet you Master…’ He waited patiently; a strong eyebrow titled up.

‘Lupin…. but please call me Remus’

The handshake lasted longer than Remus expected, the man muttering under his breath. ‘Such fascinating name…very unique…beautiful voice…. Welsh yes….’ And Remus found himself blushing slightly. The man then turned to Sirius, grin taking up half of his face, however this slid deftly off and into a look of panic as he made eye contact with Sirius, his face suddenly paling

‘Oh….M..Master Black, Sir…I did not recognise you…my sincerest apologies Master…let me find you the best table sir…and bring our finest elf to serve….yes, yes….’

Sirius himself was wide eyed, trying to politely interrupt the man’s trailing thoughts, his hands gesturing wildly as he tried to detract attention from himself. This had little impact, however as the small man began barking orders at his staff and began to stumble around looking flustered. Fleamont intervened quickly, gently taking the man by the upper arm, leading him to the side and speaking quietly

‘Actually Alvis, young Sirius here would prefer a much more…. reserved affair today. Just a simple, quiet meal with us here, none of the fuss or pomp eh? Just treat him like you would anyone else…’

The small man began shaking his head, emphatically whilst Fleamont threw Sirius a quick wink. The man then looked to Sirius, apparently for confirmation of this statement to which Sirius returned by nodding quickly. The man, now released, cleared his throat, and straightened his Jacket before replying in a slightly strained voice,

Very well, this way please Sirs, allow me Madam’ before holding his arm out for Effie who took it gratefully and whisking them away to their table.

As the group followed the man, Remus scanned the restaurant, feeling overwhelmed. There was great spectacle to each meal on the tables he passed, with well dressed patrons laughing loudly and talking boisterously over the magical moments. Remus felt inferior in this moment, looking down at his clothing, all too grateful that he had worn a button-down shirt today and not one of his ratty t-shirts. After being seated, with James nearly laughing aloud and the flamboyance in which the man had seated Sirius and the afterthought of quickly and hurriedly seating Remus, Fleamont looked over at the boys, eyes twinkling.

‘Right then Gentlemen’ his voice boomed happily ‘Let us order some drinks Eh? Effie, what do you think of letting the boys indulge in some fine dining with us?’

The man was cheekily smiling at his wife who giggled before replying

‘I think one glass won’t hurt them Flea, it is a part of the experience after all’

Fleamont nodded before raising a finger. Within seconds, there was a loud _Crack_ and a House-Elf appeared looking more formal than any Elf Remus had ever seen. Whilst not fully dressed, as House Elves never were, this elf was wearing a black apron over his lower half and a collar and pink Bowtie around his neck.

‘Hello Master, I am Lokpey’ The creature croaked, his voice high and wobbly. ‘Lokpey will serve the table of Master Potter today. How may I assist?’

Fleamont quickly ordered a Dryad made wine for the table, before asking what the featured meal was for the day

‘Today Master, we have a Filet Mignon from the Peruvian Vipertooth, followed by a selection of Gourmet Cauldron cakes Sir’

Fleamont looked Elated

‘Sounds Perfect Lokpey. You boys happy with the feature?’

Receiving confirmation from the table, Fleamont again turned to order for them all once more. However, Remus, knowing that he and Sirius could not afford to pay for such extravagant meals decided to speak up

‘Actually Sir, I was just going to order from the base menu…you see, I’m not too hungry…maybe even Sirius, you would like to share something?’

Sirius looked gratefully at him, about to agree when Lokpey gasped, the sound loud and Raspy. He pointed a finger at Remus and said

‘Master Lupin speaks against the Master Potter, Lokpey cannot abide, Master Potter must speak for the Table…. Master Potter must speak….’ The House-Elf looked distressed and Fleamont quickly addressed the creature

‘Lokpey, would you mind giving us a few minutes to sort this?’

The House-elf bowed deeply before shuffling away from the table and waiting, long nose pressed into the wall in which he now stood, facing. Shaking his head, Fleamont turned back to the table.

‘Listen here now lads..’ The man began, his voice soft and calm. ‘I know you boys are wanting to be modest and polite or what-not, but I’ll ask you now to drop it.’ Remus instantly felt guilty and it must have showed on his face, because Fleamont clarified

‘I’m not mad at you, Remus my lad, not at all. I just want to reassure you now, we are buying dinner, we did not expect it any other way. Money is no issue here, so here is what is going to happen. You two are going to let me buy you a nice cut of Steak…’

Sirius had opened his mouth to argue but was cut off

‘Don’t argue with me on this Sirius, my lad, you won’t win…we’re going to have some nice food and good wine and have a good ol’ time of it aren’t we gentlemen?’ I don’t need anything from you boys other than full bellies and happy smiles, am I clear?’

He had finished with a crooked smile and raised eyebrow at the bashful boys. Remus glanced at Sirius, who seemed to be about to tear up once more. Trying to divert the attention, he cleared his throat and said,

‘That sounds great, Thank you Si…I mean Flea, that is generous of you’

The older man simply nodded, a large hand coming to pat Sirius on the shoulder. He then beckoned the Elf once more and ordered for the table, asking for preferences of food. Once ordered, the Elf bowed, threw a glare at Remus then disappeared.

Whilst waiting for the food, Remus asked about the House Elf and why he had seemed offended. Sirius, rather than Fleamont answered,

‘It’s a thing with them mate’ he began, taking a large sip of wine ‘A respect thing. They see wizards as Masters but will always give deference to one in particular, usually the patriarch of the household. Traditionally, they would be the one to order and anyone else speaking would be seen as disrespectful….old traditions and all…’. He trailed off and carried on drinking his wine. Fleamont explained more in detail to Remus, including explaining why they did not own a House-Elf themselves. Effie quipped in with a

‘Probably for the best really, James would be even worse if he didn’t have to do anything’

Making the rest of the table burst out laughing, including James who simply nodded in agreement.

The Meal was a lavish affair, providing as much entertainment as it did taste. The wine was delicious, a magical concoction made by Dryads to change based on the drinker’s preference. To Remus, it was smoky and strong, more like a Whiskey than a Wine with a hint of Chocolate in it, the colour being a dark bronze colour. Looking over at the table, Remus saw that Sirius’ drink was a dark purple whilst James’ was a bright, almost electric blue.

When the Steaks arrived, they were carried by several House Elves in heavy hide gloves, which Remus discovered was due to a spell that was released when the Cloches were removed. Upon his being removed, a strong flame emitted from the Dragon Steak, twirling around the table before it acted like ink and began to spell _Remus_ from the flame _._ After instruction from the House Elf, Remus blew out his name and the flame disappeared leaving a green smoke to dissipate. Remus was so absorbed with the spell that he did not see the flash of a bulb as a House Elf caught a photograph of him with the flame writing. However, he admired the photograph when it was presented to him in a leather-bound folder, noting that he looked like a particularly gleeful child within it, his eyes widening and hands clapping together silently within the moving image.

After the Steaks and another bottle of Wine, the final course was presented to them. Six small Cauldron cakes, about the size of a Muggle shot glass and filled with bubbling coloured liquids were presented on Wooden Boards, each with a small placard in front of them. The delicious chocolate cakes were filled with different Potions, each with a different Gimmick to provide entertainment to the table. After spending a few minutes swapping voices, changing eye colours and growing comical facial hair temporarily, Remus came to the last of his small cakes and picked up the small placard next to it.

_Admonitus Amor – this potion is designed to transform its taste to suit the Aura of the soulmate. The spell is adapted from the Amortentia spell but is not to be used as a love spell, it is a spell meant for entertainment._

Curious, Remus bit into the Cauldron Cake, suddenly being invaded by a myriad of different tastes. He tried to process them as they quickly came in waves before being replaced by another. First the taste of Wine…no not wine, Champagne, an expensive and strong taste that left him feeling slightly tipsy. This was quickly replaced by Salted Caramel, its sharp taste making Remus lick his lips. Surprisingly, the taste suddenly morphed into something much sweeter and subtler and Remus relished in the taste of Marshmallow for only a second before the taste quickly disappeared and became the chocolaty goodness of the cake itself. Whilst finishing his cake, Remus thought about what he had just tasted, thinking about what it meant. This was his Soulmates Aura, who they were. The champagne suggested class, a sense of the regal and Remus hoped that it didn’t mean someone who was traditional in all senses. The Caramel would suggest someone who is both sweet in nature and a little sharper, conflicting emotions or a beautiful mixture of both. What intrigued Remus though was the Marshmallow. The taste had come and gone so quickly, almost as though it was a hidden part of the person. It gave him a sense of hope.

Since coming out, Remus has been successful in having a few dalliances here and there but never anything that meant something. He had yet to find someone who he clicked with but the only people whom he had experimented with at all had either been older guys at Clubs or the rare jock type at Hogwarts, wanting to ‘Try it out’ in secret. Most of these guys had been rough or brash, or simply clumsy in nature, becoming annoyed when Remus did not want to go all the way. Sure, he was a horny teenager like everyone else, but he wanted his first time to mean something. Something real. This marshmallow was a symbol, a sign that his Soulmate, whoever he may be, had a gentle side. Even if hidden from the world.

Remus snorted gently, he sounded like such a sap. Overthinking a fucking Marshmallow, What a twat. As he finished his cake, he looked at the table, eyeing their reactions to their cakes. Fleamont and Effie had halved their cakes, allowing each other to taste the flavours that the potion had assigned themselves and each other. James was cradling him half-eaten cake, his eyes shiny as he muttered

‘Definitely Lily’

Looking at Sirius, Remus noted he was slightly flushed, his cheeks having more colour than usual, and his eyes were unfocused. He had only drunk half of his Potion, the other half, a bubbly pink concoction, sat in the nearly intact Cauldron. The boys made Eye-contact and awkwardly smiled at each other, before Sirius shoved the rest of the cake into his mouth and closed his eyes. Shrugging, Remus turned away and finished off his Wine, definitely slightly tipsy.

As desert was finished, the group sat and waited for the bill. During the lull in excitement, Fleamont made eye contact with his wife briefly before turning to Sirius,

‘As you know Lad, I tried to sort out the issue at the Bank’. He paused, his eyes flashing with irritation, he licked his lips before continuing. ‘I’ll be honest with you boy, it was hard. Goblins are notoriously stubborn, as you witnessed, especially when influenced by certain families.’ The man paused again, eyeing Sirius. His eyes then flicked to James and Remus before back to Sirius once more.

‘Would you rather we continue in private?’

Remus looked at Sirius, who simply shook his head. He sounded hoarse when he spoke

‘No point, I’ll only tell ‘em later anyway’ He answered simply. 

Fleamont nodded in agreement, finishing his glass of wine.

‘Anyway, I managed to get it sorted for ya, in a way.’ He dipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out Sirius’ pouch, which looked even emptier than before.

‘I decided, what was best, was just to open up a new account with me as the beneficiary ok? Luckily, you had your copy of your Uncles’ will in your safe, which proved the money is yours and yours alone and I’ve had it transferred into the new one right?’ Remus could see Fleamont trying to word this next bit delicately. ‘I won’t lie to you lad, it’s not a lot of money in the long run though. I put most of the money you were carrying in your pouch in too, so you are not at risk of losing it. I Have all your paperwork here, which I can keep hold of until you’re seventeen, then I’ll sign the account of to you then and it’ll be yours alone ok?’

Sirius smiled at the man, looking a mixture of relieved and anxious. He thanked the older man, but Remus could still see he was worried about paying for everything he needed. Fleamont looked at his wife again, letting her speak

‘We all discussed it darling and we can tell it will be hard for you to buy everything you need for the upcoming year. So, we decided…and we will not take no for an answer…we decided that we will buy everything you need for the year. New books, robes, ingredients and of course a new wand.’ Sirius flushed, highly embarrassed. ‘Don’t be embarrassed darling, we assumed you didn’t have your wand when you turned up’.

Sirius looked on the verge of a breakdown now, Remus noted, his eyes watering for the third time that day and so Remus reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. Sirius smiled back before turning back to the Potters, apparently intending on arguing, however a raised eyebrow from the man and a motherly smile from the woman stopped him. Instead, he swallowed roughly and said

‘…I don’t know how to properly show my gratitude, thank you so much. I will pay you back as soon as I can, I promise’

‘No, you won’t dear, we won’t have it’ Effie said earnestly. Sirius numbly nodded, his lip trembling slightly. Remus saw him shakily take a sip of his wine, presumably to try and quell the shaking lip.

Fleamont moved away to pay the bill and Sirius stood as well. Remus looked at him, silently asking if he wanted company. When he shook his head, Remus subtly handed him the Zippo lighter. As he left, Sirius squeezed Remus’s shoulder and then quickly moved away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for Reading, means the world to me. 
> 
> I didn't catch any British words this time but there might be some so let me know if there's words that you don't understand or know!
> 
> See you Next time!


	5. A whole lot of Emotional Experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius goes through a whirlwind of emotions when trying to navigate his new feelings, experiences and family dynamics. some things he can deal with...others he will deal with later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again Friends,
> 
> Hope everyone is well and safe. 
> 
> this chapter is a little chaotic, i'm not sure how i feel about it if i'm quite honest with you. Slight hints of Smut but nothing graphic...yet. next chapter will have some though so be prepared. 
> 
> hope you enjoy and as always, no Beta and Not my Property. 
> 
> :)

Sirius could feel his face burning in embarrassment at being caught out.

‘Don’t be embarrassed darling, we assumed you didn’t have your wand when you turned up’.

He honestly thought he had been able to hide it. Within a pureblood family, being caught without your wand was a level of embarrassment that almost equalled being caught with your pants down. However, being underage, Sirius thought that because of not being able to do Magic outside of Hogwarts, he would be able to get away with being wandless until this trip, where he could have snuck off to Knockturn Alley to try and claim a ‘repurposed’ Wand and hope that no-one would be able to tell the difference. Hearing now though that the Potters would pay his way, well that was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him.

Sirius felt himself begin to tear up again and attempted to blink back the rogue tears. He couldn’t cry again, definitely not here in front of the Potters and most definitely not in a public place such a this. It would completely taint his image, not to mention the Black family reputation. Sirius blinked heavily, almost being startled by the warm hand that covered his, squeezing it firmly. He looked up, catching Remus’ eyes and the other boy simply smiled. Swallowing heavily, he attempted a smile back before turning to Fleamont. He simply couldn’t take all of this from them, it was much too much. It was too generous, and he wasn’t worth it. As he opened his mouth to argue so though, Fleamont raised an eyebrow, almost daring him. Flicking his eyes to Effie, she threw him the sweetest smile and that alone completely disarmed him. Instead, he tried to formulate the most grateful thank you he could.

‘…I don’t know how to properly show my gratitude, thank you so much. I will pay you back as soon as I can, I promise’

‘No, you won’t’ Effie replied simply ‘We won’t have it’. Sirius numbly nodded, his lip trembling threateningly. he was sure it was obvious to the others, especially James who was directly opposite him, however the boy was avidly trying to pretend he didn’t notice, surreptitiously eyeing him over his Wine glass as he finished his own drink. Sirius took his idea, draining the dregs from his already emptied glass, mentally begging his hands to stop shaking so obviously.

As the House Elf returned, Fleamont stood to sort the bill for the food and Sirius took this moment to try and sneak away for a quick smoke. He needed to calm his thrumming heart and tingling body. Feeling shaky, he stood quickly and caught Remus’ eyes, the silent question obvious to him. Not wanting to have Remus see him breakdown again (and to try and assess why his heart missed a beat when Remus touched his hand), Sirius shook his head, took the sneakily offered lighter instead and moved away from the table. Sneakily, he made his way to the front door and slipped through it, moving away from the main Street, and instead sitting on an empty bench around the corner. Hands still shaking aggressively, Sirius fumbled for a cigarette, swearing internally as he broke one and finally lit it. He sat then, eyes closed, head titled back and tried to relax his over-stimulated body.

‘That’s a bloody awful habit you got there, my boy’

Sirius’ eyes snapped open at the intrusion, his face a picture of guilt. However, he relaxed slightly at seeing the slight smile on Fleamont’s lips. The man himself was clutching a wooden pipe, Ornate and beautiful with a sweet red smoke coming from it. Seeing Sirius look at it, he gestured with it

‘Effie isn’t much of a fan of it’ He rasped in between puffs ‘However, she’ll let me indulge once in a while. You though…’ another puff of red. ‘your lungs are too good and young, don’t want to ruin your chances now do ya?’

Sirius looked guilty once more. Fleamont looked ahead and carried on casually

‘I actually started when James was born. As you may know, it’s both a Wizard and Muggle custom for a new father to have a cigar when his first son is born. I didn’t fancy the cigar myself, however when James was around ooooh…’ Another puff of Red. ‘I’d say about two months, he got a slight case of Gilly-Lung and sweet Merlin, I love the boy, but his crying was driving me insane, so I snuck out for ten minutes, with my old man’s pipe and there you have it. Now I like it occasionally, but nothing too heavy you know?’

Taking the hint, Sirius decided to reply to the unanswered question,

‘I started at Thirteen, after a bad night at home….they made us…me and Reg…they wanted us to duel and I wouldn’t hit him with anything worse than I had….don’t think he wanted to either…but Mother threatened us with Greyback and instantly Reg mustered up the courage….’ Sirius took a moment to light another cigarette, pointedly ignoring Fleamont’s fatherly gaze. Once it was lit, he continued. ‘It was his first Cruciatus…not very strong, he didn’t have the feeling behind it, but it caught me off guard.’ He paused, trying to keep his emotions in check. ‘That was the first time I ran. I was only gone for the night and I got much worse for it…. anyway, a drunk girl at a bus stop gave me one, said I looked like I needed it. After that, it became a way for me to deal with it….’

He trailed off more embarrassed than ever.

Fleamont, for his part, did not react much at all, however his eyes seemed to glisten slightly with unshed tears, and he cleared his throat heavily. He took a particularly long drag from the pipe, smoke completely covering his face and then, upon it clearing, he spoke clearly and calmly,

‘Listen Sirius… sometimes families are complicated, sometimes they can be everything you would ever need…other times…if I may be blunt…sometimes they are just shit. You unfortunately were dealt a shit one. What you lack in family however, you make up with in abundance in friendships. I may be completely biased, but my James, he’s a good boy. He’s fiercely loyal and he loves so deeply. He cares so much for his people and you boy…you are one of those people.’ Sirius nodded. ‘Remus, I can speak less for, however I can see how much love and care he has for his friends and even more so for you. You two have a bond, a special kind of bond that only comes once or twice in a lifetime. I’m sure there are others too, that little Peter guy and the girl that James pretends not to be in love with’

He chuckled then, deep, and jovial and Sirius couldn’t help but laugh too.

‘You have us as well boy and we will be whatever you want and need us to be. We can be parents, we can be friends, or Sweet Godric, we can just be your mates’ annoying parents. You set the ground rules and we will follow them.’ He stood, straightening his jacket before turning to Sirius. ‘But, from out standpoint, you are as much of a son to us as James is and, if needed, we would offer the same to Remus. Let us help you boy, even if just for now, let us make sure that you are ok. So, here’s the game plan, so everything is out there on the table. We will be buying you a wand, one that is your alone’ he gave a pointed look, to which Sirius blushed at. ‘we will buy you books and supplies and all that and while you’re at school, we will send you care packages like we do James…don’t even try to argue with me now… We will do this for you Sirius because Effie, James and I, We love you like a Potter and in everything but name, a Potter you shall be’.

And with that, Fleamont placed his pipe in his inside pocket and waited for Sirius to stand and together, they walked back to meet the others.

* * *

Sirius felt much lighter that afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed his day. The boys had run around, playing, and roughhousing like teenagers do, whilst Fleamont and Effie had provided endless hilarious stories about James’ trips to Diagon Alley as a child. Their first stop had been Ollivanders, to which Effie rather than Fleamont had guided Sirius in. she had explained, whilst waiting for the strange old man that it was a Potter tradition for the mother to take the children to buy their first wand and that she wanted to share this with him. Sirius had waved off James and Remus, who had gone into ‘Eeylops Owl Emporium’ to stock up on Bird feed for their respective Owls. As they wondered off, Sirius could hear James hinting at wanting a Bowtruckle, tow which Fleamont scoffed at.

With Effie’s hand on his shoulder, Sirius pushed into the small shop and they stood and waited for the man to appear. Sirius remembered his first time in the shop, shuddering at the awful memory

_Rather than getting a wand at Eleven years old like most families, the Black family always received their wand younger, at Nine years old. Why that was, little Sirius did not know. Walburga had demanded that Sirius be taken to get his wand promptly after his ninth birthday and so, he had been marched there by Father and two of his goonies to go buy one. Upon entering, his father had been incredibly rude to the man, demanding he serve them ahead of others. Sirius knew, you did not argue with the Blacks and so, Mr Ollivander had politely excused himself from the fearful Muggle family._

_‘The Boy requires his hand. Today.’_

_Ollivander had argued that it really wasn’t the custom as the magic had not settled yet and therefore, the wand’s accuracy would not be perfect._

_His father had sneered._

_‘All Blacks have the same core and wood for their wands, so it does not matter. Just get him a Dragon-heartstring in a nice Walnut. Good man’._

_After some argument, his father had huffed and relented to Sirius actually being tested for his Wand and he moved into the back room with the older man and away from his father._

_Most of the assessment had Sirius stood there, as Ollivander circled him, a weird instrument strapped to his face. It reminded Sirius of that Auror, Moody who had recently lost his eye and been gifted a magical replacement one, that was rumoured to see pure Evil. He answered Ollivanders questions and then waited for him to return with three wands. Taking each one, Sirius was instructed to simply wave it and assess how it felt. The first wand, a shortish light-coloured wand, felt too light and Sirius had launched the wand across the room trying to wave it. Tutting, Ollivander discarded it, muttering about length and weight. The second wand, a beautiful long wand, heavy, sturdy, and made out of a beautiful dark wood had felt magnificent. The tiny 9-year-old had almost cried at the amazing magical feeling as it surged through his body. Ollivander had written down the specifications and then had taken the wand and placed a sticker onto the box. He then passed Sirius the last one. Stocky and way too heavy, the Walnut wand had felt like a weight and upon touching it, Sirius had felt a sense of dread. He looked to Ollivander, tears in his eyes and the old man looked back fearfully,_

_‘Just as I had thought’._

_Returning, Sirius had been sent outside whilst his father argued with the older man. Sirius was embarrassed as he sat on the stoop, hearing the loud yells from inside and watching the other families flee from the area. Hands on his face, elbows on knees, Sirius tried to block out the Cruciatus curse being shouted from inside and simply waited. Moments later, his father stomped outside, thrust the dark box at his small son and huffed before saying,_

_‘Lucky us, Mr Ollivander apologised for his…. reckless mistake and decided to give us the wand for free.’_

_He then stomped away, Sirius running to keep up with him, the weight of the heavy Walnut wand weighing him down in more ways than one._

‘I thought you would be back Mr Black. The Walnut wand is not for morally aligned.’

Sirius looked into the eyes of the older man, noting his knowing look. Ollivander flicked his eyes from Effie to Sirius and back again. He seemed unsure of how to address Sirius fully, a slight fear of ramifications if he dared step out of line. Effie seemed to sense this, for she said

‘I am entrusting you as always Garrick, your reputation speaks for itself’

Ollivander nodded. He gestured with a spindly finger before disappearing through the back once more. Sirius could hear him rattling about, muttering to himself quietly and in a blink of an eye, the man was back, panting slightly. He moved to open to lid but paused, his fingers hovering on the box.

‘I say Mr Black….This wand….it speaks to me…’ Sirius looked utterly perplexed, Ollivander continued, not breaking eye contact ‘Many times, I have come back to this wand, it felt…unfinished and just last night….it called me to….i have made the adjustments it asked of me….however, I am perplexed by its meaning’

With a flourish, he opened the box and Effie and Sirius looked at the wand presented to them. Long and elegant, the dark wood had an elegance to it. Sirius felt a pull towards it, however he was unwilling to admit that, instead a defensive nature came about it him.

‘How do you even know that’s the wand I tried before?’

Ollivander had a glint in his eye that suggested that Sirius’ outburst was not uncommon. He looked to Effie who also had a knowing look and after a shared, silent conversation between the two adults, Ollivander leant towards Sirius and said

‘A Master of Wands does not forget his creations’ He looked to Effie and carried on ‘For example, Euphemia Braithwaite, came to me in 1920 at age Eleven, gifted and loyal, with a soul of a healer. I provided Mrs Potter here with a beautiful Alder wand with a Unicorn hair core, 10 ¼ inches, springy in nature.’

Sirius was astonished. How could a person remember so much detail about something they had made over 50 years ago? Sirius felt his defensive walls slipping slightly, encouraged so by Effie and her ever-disarming smile. Sirius simply nodded, accepting that he would have to trust the older man.

Ollivander instructed Sirius to take the wand, to assess its compatibility to his maturing magic. He did so, instantly feeling the warmth radiate through him. However, unlike previously when the gold smoke had radiated from the wand, as expected when the wand has chosen the Wizard, this wand was motionless. Sirius frowned and slammed the wand down.

‘It doesn’t fucking work, you fraud’ Sirius snapped, instantly feeling sick at how much like his father he sounded. He turned to leave but was stopped by a soft hand.

‘Darling, you need to calm down and let Mr Ollivander explain. Trust him darling’

Sirius felt guilty for his anger, especially in front of Effie. She didn’t deserve to see him being awful. He apologised and turned back around. Ollivander had set a lamp in front of him on the desk. Sirius picked the wand up again and attempted to light the lamp when instructed by Ollivander.

Instantly, the old oil lamp lit up, the flame high and strong before it settled into a warm glow. The wand itself vibrated slowly as it adjusted to Sirius’ magic and the warmth radiated through him once more. Sirius knew that this wand was his chosen wand. He grinned. Ollivander nodded.

* * *

Later that day, once Sirius had his new wand which was now in its holster under his waistcoat, the boys were walking around Diagon Alley alone. Fleamont and Effie had decided to sit down for a while and have a drink in the Three Broomsticks and so, had entrusted the boys to finish their shopping alone. The boys had bought their books, supplies, and had even nipped into a couple of Joke shops along the way. The final thing they needed was their robes. The group made their way to Madam Malkins shop, piling in noisily. Madam Malkin greeted them all, paying extra attention to James, who Sirius knew she had a soft spot for. All three boys were getting a full uniform, all three had had significant growth spurts, duelling robes, and dress robes. Due to how busy the shop was, the boys agreed to sharing a room for their measurements as they had all seen each other in stages of undress before.

As soon as they were in the room, James began pulling his clothes off and stood in front of the mirror, admiring his tanned body in the full-length mirror. He flexed jokingly as he cooed at himself

‘Who is that handsome fella I see?’ Oh yeah, it’s me….’ He laughed loudly as Sirius threw his shoe at him. Remus too had started to get undressed, however much more covertly than James had. He was in the process of folding his shirt, his strong chest, and abs on show to both James and Sirius. Sirius blushed. He wasn’t really sure why. James whistled lowly

‘Bloody hell Moons look at how strong you are. You look buff mate’

Remus blushed, his face, neck and upper chest pinking slightly. Sirius couldn’t stop looking at him. He looked really good, like really fucking good. Sirius snapped himself out of his daydream.

What the fuck am I doing? Remus is my mate…. just my mate.

Sirius turned his back to them for his fitting.

Where the dress robes and uniforms were a simple fitting, the new duelling robes they needed were slightly more complicated. For one, they were much tighter than usual robes, having to be fitted perfectly against the body. Secondly, there were…additional protections to go with it, which needed to be measured for. Sirius had blushed all the way through his fitting, being glad for the makeshift privacy covering that had been supplied to him. Now, he stood, checking his hair once more in the mirror before roughly pulling the curtain open. He knew that Remus was still having his fitting, however what he didn’t expect to see was Remus stood, facing his own mirror in nothing but a tight pair of green Duelling trousers, one of the seamstresses talking to him quietly. Sirius gulped loudly, frozen to the spot. He looked around, trying to find James, however he couldn’t see him. Just as Sirius made to move, Remus was instructed to adjust one of his boots and so bent over at the waist. In doing so, the trousers pulled tighter and Sirius was gifted with a view of his arse.

Sirius’s eyes were transfixed by the sight as Remus obliviously adjusted his boots in the mirror. Sirius’s mind suddenly began to conjure images that he had never even thought of before. He imagined himself walking over and placing his hands-on Remus’ delicious backside, maybe even giving it a slight smack to see what would happen. He felt all of his blood rushing south and suddenly, he felt the feeling that was still so unfamiliar to him. His trousers tightened dangerously, and he breathed in sharply. True, he had been aroused before, however he knew that he was a slightly late bloomer and each occurrence had been highly embarrassing. He knew he had wet dreams, as he woke up to them sometimes at Hogwarts and thanked Merlin that House Elves were discreet. Being at home stopped any thoughts of that nature completely. He knew though that this time, it was less of a hormonal reaction and more of…. something else.

But why now? And why Remus? Merlin…why him?

Just as he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Remus stood up, his face slightly flushed from being bent over. His hair was messy, from pulling clothes over his head and due to the summer warmth, his skin glistened slightly with sweat. Sirius felt a tight coiling in his stomach and suddenly, his fight or flight instincts kicked in a he dove back behind the curtain. There, he closed his eyes and willed his body to calm down and willed his mind to stop creating such sinful images. Once settled, he took a deep breath and not looking at Remus at all, Sirius all but ran out to the front of the store, intending to not think about what had just happened.

Damn, he thought as he paid for his clothing and left the store, I’m gonna have to figure this out at some point.

* * *

That Evening, Sirius sat in the garden of the Potter house and thought about the chaotic day he had. He thought about the things he had bought and the fun he had with James and Remus, knowing that this day would last in his memories for a long time. His thoughts traitorously trailed back to the Clothing shop and to the image of Remus bent over in front of him. Feeling the stirrings once more, Sirius tried to shake away the thought, shuffling to re-adjust himself in his chair. Sirius tried to think of anything else. He thought about school, about the meal earlier, about how amazing the Potters were to him.

He thought about what Fleamont had said to him outside the restaurant. About being a Potter. The thought made his heart soar and he chest tighten. He knew, in his heart that he would love nothing more than to throw away any sign of being a Black, give all of it up for the Potters. However, he knew he would never be able to destroy the scars his family left behind; he knew he was too fucked up.

For now, though, he would embrace the new family he had, even just for the time being. So, that night he played Chess with Fleamont, having a normal, happy conversation. He let Effie coddle him, giving him a haircut and healing the remains of his black eye and in bed that night, he lay in bed, lit up by the power of his brand new wand and he tried not to cry when recalling that Effie and Flea had said to him

‘Goodnight, Son’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always, hope you are still enjoying it. 
> 
> Next Chapter is going to be a bit steamy, so fair warning to you.
> 
> Hope to see you soon :)


	6. You look different under these dim lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it nears the full moon, the Marauders help Remus burn off some energy with a night on the town. Sirius learns how to party like a muggle, James makes some progress with Lily and under the influence of alcohol and with a little hand from the lighting, Remus has an epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again friends!
> 
> how are we all doing? 
> 
> this chapter is a little steamy, a little naughty and very much filled with Smut. i've changed the Rating to an E to be safe. I'm still new to the Smut game so i hope this is OK!  
> This is longest chapter i have written so far! a whopping 5 and a half thousand words so we are definitely over the 20,000 mark now! Isn't that crazy?!!!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> NO BETA. CREDIT TO THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR, JK EVEN IF SHE'S A PROBLEMATIC FIGURE NOWADAYS!

Sirius huffed loudly. His eyes glared at the image in front of him. To most people, Sirius was looking at himself, dressed to the nines glaring into the mirror viciously. However, to Sirius, he may as well have been looking at Quasimodo. He huffed again, glaring at his hairbrush like it was a sentient being before roughly brushing his hair some more. After about a minute of his violent attack on his hair, he made a noise that could only be described as an insular scream before slamming the brush on the table heavily. He reached into a small, silver box and grabbed a hair tie and proceeded to aggressively tie his hair back instead, muttering insults at himself whilst he did so.

‘be careful Sirius, if you glare any harder, you’ll break my mirror and you don’t wanna do that, it cost more than either of us currently have’

Sirius glared harder into the mirror, this time directing his gaze onto the smug face of James, who was grinning at him through the mirror, his own unruly hair falling into his eyes. He was, as per usual lounging almost unnaturally, basically contorted on his four-poster bed, wearing nothing but his underwear and strumming clumsily on an acoustic guitar. Sirius had to admit, his mood was probably heightened by this and he was definitely tired of hearing James strum the two chords her knew over and over again. Unluckily for James, he didn’t hesitate to tell him so,

‘You actually gonna bother learning to play something’ He said, eyes not straying from his own reflection ‘Or is it just to make you look prettier?’

Sirius ducked as the small plastic thing, that he believed was called a pleckum or plectrum or something stupid, sailed over his head and bounced against the glass softly. Sirius glared at James once more as the other boy heckled him with glee,

‘Ooooh, feisty boy, settle down. Little bit wound up tonight aren’t we boy?’ James cooed at Sirius like he was an insolent puppy who needed a nap. He laughed jovially then carried on in his normal voice. ‘Seriously though Pads, don’t get your panties in a twist, it’s just a Muggle bar. Me and Moons went there a few weeks back, yanno, the night you showed up…come to think of it, you must have turned up not long after I got home…anyway, like I said, it’s a cool bar. Good vibe…. not too you know?’ James gestured, producing a slightly limp wrist. ‘Not too gay, if you’re worried about that’. James’ grin grew even more ‘Unless….’

The baby voice returned

‘Does lil baby Siwi wanna find a lil boyfwend?’

Sirius blushed but diverted the attention by throwing his deodorant at James’ head.

‘Pack it in, you twat! You best not talk like this in front of Moons, he doesn’t deserve your ignorant shit!’ He snapped viciously.

James didn’t say anything but looked down, ashamed of himself and Sirius instantly felt bad for snapping at him, trying to rectify the situation,

‘Look mate…I’m sorry…I’m just a bit nervous…I haven’t been out drinking much and I definitely haven’t been to Muggle London.’ He began fidgeting with the hairbrush ‘I just wanna make a good impression, I don’t wanna embarrass Moony……or you’ he added as an afterthought. He didn’t really know why he wanted to impress Moony so much but since the other day, in the shop, he had been thinking about him…and his arse, nonstop.

James nodded, looking thoughtfully for a moment. He then shuffled to the end of the bed and put the guitar down. He got up, stretched forcefully and then began looking in his wardrobe, picking out clothes. As he did so, he began his pep talk.

‘I get it mate; I do! I was the same the first time I went out with Remus, but you don’t have to worry. When he’s out, he’s…he’s happy you know? He seems more like himself. You have nothing to worry about though mate, I’ll be there, Peter will be there and hopefully…so will Evans. I’ve got your back and we all have Moony’s.’ He paused to pull his shirt over his head. ‘Moons needs these nights, especially when his… _furry little problem_ is close by. It keeps him sane, lets him hunt around and play a bit, but don’t worry, we keep an eye out for him’.

Sirius smiled. He hated knowing that they couldn’t be around for Remus’ change at the Full Moon, unlike they would be at Hogwarts. Since they had found out that Remus was a Werewolf, Sirius and James had searched high and low for ways to help him every month. It was actually Peter who had put the idea into their heads originally, even if unintentionally.

_Fifth year – Gryffindor Common Room_

_James, Sirius and Peter were sat in front of the fire talking quietly. Remus had just left for the shrieking shack and the other boys, feeling quite helpless, attempted to come up with more ideas of how they could help Remus during this time._

_‘Wolfsbane? That would stop it from happening right James?’ Sirius had offered up_

_James nodded but looked conflicted._

_‘Yeah…yeah it definitely would help but it’s super hard to make…the only person I know who could do it is my dad but we can’t tell him obviously…’_

_‘Or Snape?’ Peter added unhelpfully. Sirius threw a cushion at his head._

_‘Fuck….I literally have no idea’ Sirius whined, the heels of his hands pushed against his eyes. James had thrown his head back and was staring at the ceiling and Peter looked…. well as confused as usual. The boys were silent for a while before Peter casually said_

_‘It’s annoying we can’t turn into an animal, like McGonagall can. We could turn ourselves into wolves or something….’ He trailed off and began to gorge on sweets, oblivious to the other two who had just stared at him. They then looked at each other, eyes wide as James said_

_‘Animagi…. Fuck, it was in front of us all along!’  
  
_

Since then, the boys had dedicated their time to learning and becoming Animagus and finally, just before the end of the school year, they had run with Remus for the first time and Sirius had truly experienced what the young Wolf went through every month. If Sirius could help him in any other way, he would and so, if this was what helped him then Sirius would venture into any Gay bar in the world.

James broke Sirius’ inner monologue, gently jabbing him in the shoulder

‘Look, I’ll pick you something to wear, so that you fit in more…don’t give me that face, I won’t make you look like a prat, I promise. You’ll look hot!’

‘Fine! But if I look like a Dick, I’m shaving your hair off’

* * *

Sirius and James were running slightly late, as they were forced to wait until Flea and Effie had left for their dinner party before they could attempt to sneak away using the Floo. Sirius hoped though that James knew how to set up the Floo Network correctly as he would much prefer not to end up in a Ministry cell for trespassing on a poor Muggle family. James seemed to know what he was doing, and the boys stumbled out of the fireplace into the Leaky Cauldron’s back room, ducking low so that they could sneak past the Barman, Tom. Godric forbid that the Potters’ realised that they were in Central London and not in Essex at Peter’s house. Lucky for them, Pete had promised them passage back to Potter Manor through his family’s Floo network to cover their tracks.

Walking into London made Sirius slightly nervous, although he was immensely glad that the weather was still warm, and the streets were busy. He much preferred to hide amongst people and here, they could blend in well with the muggles wandering around the capital. They boys met up with Peter at the Covent Garden underground, greeting the small, grouchy boy.

‘tis Bout time yer assholes got ‘ere, Ah’ve been waitin’ ‘ere for ages. Some Muggles jus’ tried ter talk to me, askin’ where me mam was’ the boy’s slight Irish lilt coming through due to his anger.

Sirius and James began howling with laughter. Whilst none of them could get away with looking too old, Sirius was surprised that Peter could get in to anywhere, even with the Fake ID’s. He was short, much shorter than the other three guys and he was slightly pudgy, which gave his face a slight cherub look. Unlike the others, his puberty had only just really started to kick in, so his voice occasionally still cracked, coming across as slightly squeaky when he got too excited. James was looking around before asking,

‘No word from the fur boy yet? He said he was getting an early train in, so I’d have thought he’d already be here…’

James didn’t sound too worried, but Sirius knew that he was on the border of caution.

‘Ah ye, he’s with the Evans gal and her pals, getting’ us our updated cards’

Sirius was glad that Lily had stuck to her word and provided them with ID’s that she had managed to transfigure into appropriate Muggle passports. James said that she had done it for them before but that she needed to update them, as Peter had been caught by a bouncer, meaning that Lily had to change their identities again. Sirius hoped that they wouldn’t be too far-fetched. Peter reached into his jacket - which Sirius recognised as the one that he had charmed at Hogwarts to fit larger objects in the pockets – pulling out a four pack of Muggle Beers.

‘Ere, I managed to steal these from mine, me mam ‘ad a muggle bloke round for a while’

Sirius took an offered can, not recognising the brand but assuming it was at least bearable to drink. He cracked open the can and following James’ direction, quickly chugged half of the drink before pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. the boys made easy conversation for a while, waiting on the others to join them.

As Sirius was about to take another drag from the cigarette, the stick was delicately plucked from his fingers. Turning to face the thief, Sirius was met with dazzling green eyes and a proud smirk. He had to admit, James did have good taste, particularly in girls as Lily Evans was fucking gorgeous.

‘Good trade for the I’D I would say. Don’t you agree Si?’

Sirius shook his head, bemusedly.

‘Depends on the quality of the good Evans, let’s see what we’re working with’

She passed him a small red booklet, which he flicked open to the back page. He had to admit the passport was good. No better than what he believed he or James could do but it gave James an excuse to invite Evans out with them this way. As far as he knew, it looked exactly like what he would have if he was a Muggle, the only difference being that the age stated he was Nineteen and not Fifteen. James must have given her the photograph of him to use as the image seemed fairly recent, his hair shorter from the haircut and with the slight bit of stubble he had been able to grow. Sirius nodded approvingly.

‘Satisfactory work Evans. I reckon it’ll do nicely’

Where she could have been Smug, Lily remained humble, giving Sirius a smile as he threw an arm around her in a quick side hug. Sirius reached into his pocket, pulling out the muggle notes and coins he had managed to transfer by owl earlier that week. He had not understood at first when Remus had written to them earlier that week, stating that Lily had agreed on a price of ‘3 pound and 10 bob’. Quite frankly, Sirius thought that he had been talking gibberish or instead was praying a prank on him, but James had explained, through doing his own research, that ‘bob’ meant Shillings, a muggle form of currency. So, Sirius had sent of the correct amount of wizarding money and now held the three crisp paper notes and 10 small coins. She pocketed the money, finishing his cigarette with a wink and watched as she passed James and Peter their passports whilst saying,

‘Peter, I’ve made you Eighteen this time but for God’s sake, remember your fake name this time will ya?’

Sirius moved aside, allowing James to move closer to the ginger girl, attempting to woo her, to little success.

‘How’s it going Evans, I’ve got to say, you’re looking pretty alright tonight’

Sirius shook his head in slight exasperation at his lack of suavity and Evans seemed to hold her own, retorting

‘Only Alright eh Potter? If you think that, I guess I’ll go find some boys who think I look better than alright’ She moved past Sirius, throwing him a casual wink. ‘I’ll see you later then boys’ she then tipsily blew them a kiss before hurrying off in a cloud of perfume and smoke. Sirius had to chuckle, damn that girl was good! A deep chuckle behind him seemed to agree with that statement and as he turned, Sirius’ breath caught a little.

Remus looked much older tonight. The wolf changed his body in ways in which Sirius would never understand and in doing so, made Remus look like a completely different person. His muscle mass appeared denser, making the usually lank boy look bigger and broader, almost towering over the ret of the group. he also sported a smattering of facial hair, making him look like a man amongst the boys. He had styled his shaggy hair and was wearing a tight white t-shirt, blue rolled up jeans and Doc Martens. He was holding a leather jacket in one of his hands and was smoking with the other. Sirius thought that he looked like one of those Greasers that the Muggle boys in the village had talked about and Sirius thought he looked really attractive like this. He felt the funny stirring in his stomach once more and he responded to it by downing the last of his can. Remus spoke, his voice slightly gravelly from the cigarettes

‘Alright Pads? How do I look?’

‘You look…’ _Hot, really fucking hot. So hot that you’re making my body do things I’m not sure its meant to do when you think about your friends._ ‘You looked really cool man…super good’

‘Good’

Remus chuckled again, the sound slightly deeper than usual, another side effect of his condition Sirius thought. Sirius also knew, as it was the reason, they were out in London tonight, that Remus experienced other changes too, especially to his…urges.

Sirius thought about how Remus had spoken candidly to him and James once in fourth year, had asked them if they too got these…urges yet. James had mentioned it had happened once or twice but that it went away on its own. Remus had nodded and blushing, had told them how he had started…. masturbating. Sirius hadn’t known what that was and had asked James later, flushing at the description James gave him. Even now, Sirius hadn’t even attempted to pleasure himself, hadn’t ever really had the need to….at least until he had started thinking about Remus in a different way. He wouldn’t ever do anything about it though, it would be wrong to touch himself to the image of his friend! He wasn’t even gay! Remus interrupted this thought, addressing the group as a whole,

‘Shall we get going then guys? I thought we’d go to Roxxy’s tonight, think Pads will prefer it’

Sirius could only nod as the other two agreed verbally and the boys made their way to the underground venue, drinking their beers as quickly as possible.

* * *

Remus kept glancing at Sirius. The boy looked good tonight but must have been dressed by James. Sirius barely ever wore anything relaxed, his Pureblood upbringing making him always present himself formally but tonight, in an open shirt and braces, Sirius actually seemed quite casual. Well, as casual as he could get. He also had his hair up tonight, showing off his sharp featured even more and Remus couldn’t help but look at the angular jawline. Not that he wanted to look, of course! Sirius was his mate, nothing more.

Remus cursed the wolf in him, his damn libido was throwing him off his game. However, he couldn’t help but notice how well the tight black shirt fit Sirius’ lithe body and how the braces gave him a brooding edge, similar to the Skinheads that had started to pop up around Muggle England. Remus had to mentally shake off any thoughts of Sirius and instead focus on the plan for tonight. He was going to get some action tonight, just enough to keep the beast at bay.

Getting to Roxxy’s, Remus reminded the guys, mainly Pete and Sirius to remain calm and collected so they wouldn’t look suspicious to the bouncers. Remus watched as James went in first, the bouncer giving him a strong look up and down before nodding him in. Sirius got in with barely a second look, the bouncer clearly satisfied to believe he was of age. As expected, Pete had problems, the bouncer rolling his eyes at the small boy.

‘I don’ believe for one momen’ that you’re 18 lad’

He moved Peter to the side, gesturing to Remus for his ID. Remus passed the Passport confidently and the big man gestured him in with a flick of his head. As he passed, Remus slipped the man a couple of notes and suddenly, Peter was shoved inside too. Remus led the guys into the dim basement, moving towards the bar area and waiting in the crowd surrounding it. Within a few minutes, he was shouting his order at the young woman behind the bar.

‘FOUR SHOTS OF TEQUILA AND 4 BOTTLES OF HOUSE SPECIAL’

Paying the money, Remus passed around the shots quickly before giving each boy a bottle of beer. Clinking the glasses against each other, Remus instructed the guys to down the shot, watching each boy’s respective reaction. James’s eyes watered but he seemed fine otherwise, Peter nearly threw up and Sirius pulled a face, grimacing against the sharp taste of the spirit. He then guided everyone down to the crowded dance floor, where a band played on a risen stage. The music was heavy, and Remus bobbed up and down to it. He leant in close to Sirius’ ear to say

‘I’m gonna go have a hunt around, come find me if you want to blaze up’

Sirius nodded at him, looking overwhelmed. Remus patted him on the arm, gave James a look and reluctantly left the group. he started to prowl around the dance floor, looking around at what was on offer. It didn’t take long for him to catch the eye of someone who liked the look of, a fairly tall ginger man who didn’t look too old. It didn’t take long for the man to come sidling up to Remus, pushing his way through the crowd nervously until the boys were face to face. They began to dance together, their bodies pressed together due to the amount of people around them, causing them to grind on each other gently. The other boy seemed to respond to this sensation, pushing his lower body against Remus and Remus could feel the man’s hard cock through his trousers. Remus could feel his own body reacting and pushed his lower body more firmly against the other. After a while, Remus took the initiative and grabbed the man’s hand, pulling him off the dance floor and up to the bar, ordering two more shots and quickly downing his. The wolf was lurking beneath the surface, wanting to be satisfied. Remus, fuelled by the wolf, decided to take the plunge, and leant it to capture the other man’s lips, however, was denied as the man pulled away. He instead moved to Remus’ ear and in a surprisingly unsteady voice, spoke

‘I’m sorry, I..i can’t….Im not….i’m underage, I’m 16….i’m sorry’

Remus’ eyes widened in acknowledgement and the other boy started to pull away, blushing. Remus quickly pulled him back close, moving his own lip against the other boy’s ear, letting his hot breath tickle him

‘I’m underage too’

The boy, apparently needing no more proof, taking Remus at his word completely, quickly pressed his thin lip against Remus’. The kiss was intense and needy, and Remus drove his tongue into the boy’s mouth. The boy’s lips moved from Remus’ and began to kiss and lick at his neck and ear, quickly panting into the boys’ ear

‘I’m…I’m Sam’

‘Remus’

Their lips joined again, and Remus moved his hands to Sam’s hips, grabbing at his belt to use it as leverage. Remus pulled Sam towards him, letting their cocks rub against each other, layers of Denim causing friction for each of them. Sam grabbed Remus’ shirt, using it to pull the boy away from the bar and into a corner where several booths sat. Sitting down heavily, Remus pulled the lithe man against him, making Sam straddle his legs. He ground down hard into Remus’ lap, making the taller boy groan, his eyes rolling back. Remus deftly undid the boy’s belt, pulling at the button until it came undone. Sam had frozen, his lust filled eyes staring at Remus’ hands and Remus huffed, hating having to do all the work. He quickly undid his own jeans, pulling his hard cock out of his underwear. He moved Sam’s hand, placing it on the hard shaft and the boy eagerly snapped into gear, stroking with passion. Remus reached into Sam’s trousers, edging his hand down tight underwear and began palming at the admittedly small cock. It shouldn’t take too long to get him off, he thought. He was correct in this assumption as the boy came within seconds, shuddering as he released hot cum into his own underwear.

The boy shuddered, his body stiff on top of Remus. Remus, impatient to cum himself, placed his now sticky hand over the boy’s, guiding him to continue stroking him. However, it still wasn’t enough tonight, the Wolf was eager this month. Remus pushed the boy off his lap, guiding him to his knees. Sam looked up at him, smiling nervously and Remus opened his mouth to ask for the consent he knew was needed. Remus had never been given a blowjob before and he was almost certain that Sam had never given one either. However, Sam apparently didn’t need asking and began pulling at Remus’ jeans and underwear, puling them down to his knees. Remus gasped at the wet warmth that suddenly enveloped his pulsing cock, feeling Sam’s mouth slide down to about halfway before pulling back up. Remus wasn’t sure if this was considered a good Blowjob or not but even so, he could now see what all the fuss was about. He glanced a look down at the boy, who looked back up at him, eyes asking for approval. Remus answered him by moving a hand to the boy’s head, not pushing but just resting there. Sam continued with vigour and Remus found himself wanting to thrust up to meet every downward motion. He managed to hold off doing so until Sam his hand up to grasp Remus’ shaft, where it didn’t fit into his mouth and in doing so, gently knocked Remus’ tight balls. Suddenly, Remus felt himself buck upwards, making the boy gag slightly. Apologising through gritted teeth, Remus tried to tame his hips but found that once he started, he couldn’t stop rocking gently into the boy’s mouth. Remus could feel the tightening in his balls and the coiling in his stomach but for some reason, he couldn’t cum. He knew Sam’s jaw was probably hurting and his knees almost certainly were aching from kneeling on the floor, but Remus was being held back by something. Remus had a sense it was due the other boy looking at him and so, he scanned around the room trying to find something to focus on, to pay attention to whilst he climaxed. As his eyes rushed around, he suddenly focused in on two slightly unfocused grey eyes and suddenly, Remus climaxed, making the boy on his knees splutter as hot cum filled his mouth.

* * *

Sirius had danced for a bit, with James for a while until Lily turned up and then with Marlene and Dorcas, both very drunk and giggly as they shimmied around the dance floor. After a while, Sirius had gone to the bar to grab another drink with James and whilst waiting, had been hit on by a large man wearing a tight leather vest. After trying to politely decline an offer to visit what Sirius thought was a ‘glory hole’, James had rescued him by coming back over with the drinks, throwing an arm around him as he passed over the bottle. The man had left, and James had explained to Sirius what exactly a glory hole was, making the other boy blush hard. They had chilled to the side for a while, sat at a tall table facing the stage, listening to the band play until Peter had been kidnapped by a group of quite burly gays and was dragged into a forming mosh pit. Sirius and James had joined the pit too until Sirius could no longer breathe and it was then, he decided that he best go find Remus for their smoke. He had looked everywhere, on the dance floor, in the toilets and at the bar before he ventured around to the side, where it was darker and there was several booths. Upon walking over, he noticed that many booths were occupied by men and women, in couples and occasionally more, in various stages of sexual exploits. Sirius tried not to look at anyone directly and instead simply scanned around the area, trying to see if he could spot the boy. After a few seconds he spotted him. Sirius didn’t quite know what to think. There Remus sat, his face flushed red and his hair messy. He was slouched down low in the chair and as Sirius flicked his eyes down, he noticed another person there too. This other boy, a ginger boy, was knelt in front of Remus, one hand on Remus’ bare thigh as he enthusiastically sucked on Remus’ cock. Sirius flushed at the sight, not knowing where to look. His eyes kept straying downwards, towards where the boy sat, watching as he sucked and licked at Remus with vigour. Sirius’ stomach coiled at the sight of the cock, for he had never seen another erect one before and suddenly his own dick twitched in his trousers. Sirius pressed his palm against himself, trying to tamper down the heat he suddenly felt, and he flicked his eyes up once more, meeting the dark brown ones before Remus threw his head back, obviously finding release. Sirius made a small whimper noise and quickly turned around, not wanting Remus to feel embarrassed. He tried to get his dick to go soft, bouncing on the balls of his feet and muttering, however the image and the beer made it quite hard to do so. When he had finally managed to get it to settle slightly, he watched as Remus tucked himself away, re-did his trousers and belt and then quickly said something to the other boy. Sirius watched the interaction before Remus hurriedly eyed him before saying,

‘Look, my mate is waiting for me, sorry! I try to find you later ok?’

Looking devastated at the obvious dismissal, the other boy scurried away past Sirius and back out to the dancefloor. Remus moved over to Sirius, not looking him directly in the eyes as he said

‘Ummm….you wanna go smoke now?’

Sirius just nodded and together, they moved to the outside area, where James was already stood with Lily, his jacket now on her shoulders. He looked very smug, despite Lily not currently paying him attention. Remus led Sirius over quickly starting a conversation with James as he pulled out the spliff he had hidden in his Doc

‘Alright mate? How’s it going with Lily?’

James beamed

‘Great man, she said I was a laugh earlier and she even danced with me a bit’

‘That’s good man’

As they passed the joint around, they chatted playfully, most of the jokes being between Remus and Lily. Sirius wondered when they had become such good friends as it seemed like they had a very comfortable friendship. Sirius mostly stayed quiet, which apparently worried a drunk James who asked him

‘You alright mate? Did something happen inside?’

Sirius tried desperately to think of something to say but being too drunk to tamper himself, he simply blurted out

‘I saw Remus get sucked off’

The whole group suddenly went quiet, staring at him. Suddenly, Lily burst out laughing, tears in her eyes and she stuttered out

‘Oh Merlin… yo..you…you saw…Re….Reee…Remus gettingsuckedoffbyarandomguy….that..’ she broke off for a moment collecting herself. ‘I'm sorry…that’s so funny…I’ll calm down now’

By this point the others were laughing, including Sirius who suddenly realised how ridiculously funny it was. He had just seen his mate in an embarrassing state and then had blurted it out loudly in front of a crowd of drunken strangers! Once the laughter had died down, Marlene had magically produced a second joint and the group shared it between them. During this, Peter, never one for tact had simply asked

‘How was it?’

That suddenly spurred a barrage of questions

‘Who was he?’

‘Was he good?’

‘Was did it feel like?’

‘Do you actually blow? Or do you suck?’

This last question had James playfully push Peter away from the group, proclaiming that he did not know him. Remus must have been more drunk and stoned than he appeared, Sirius thought because he shared some minor details, blushing wildly as he did so. Throughout the conversation, Remus had somehow ended up with his arm over Sirius who was finding a great sense of comfort being in this position. The mixture of the weed and beer made him sleepy and he leant further into Remus, trying to stay upright. Sirius felt like he could stay in this position forever.

* * *

Feeling happily blazed, Remus relished in the moment as he stood smoking with his mates. He had one arm around Sirius, he wasn’t sure when that had happened, but he was content enough to stay there, almost too happy in fact. After a while, Remus suggested they go back inside for a little while before leaving and he led them back into the crowded basement once more. He kept a hold on Sirius, who seemed a little worse for wear and without much conversation, the two boys ended up pressed against each other once more as they danced away the last of their energies. Remus kept an arm around Sirius’ waist, mainly for support but found himself stirring once more at the close encounter. He felt himself harden slightly and hoped Sirius wouldn’t comment on it, however the boy seemed too drunk to even notice and so they simply danced, grinding slightly against each other. After another hour or so, Remus decided that Sirius was no longer capable of keeping himself upright. He looked at the boy, whose face was flushed, and eyes glazed, the alcohol and beer having the most delightful reaction and, in that moment, in the dim lights of the basement, Remus thought Sirius looked beautiful. Of course, Sirius was always attractive, everyone knew that but, in this moment, Sirius was the definition of pure beauty. Remus couldn’t deny it any longer, he was definitely attracted to the other boy. For fucks sake. Out of anyone in the world, why did it have to be his friend. Remus knew he was truly fucked. Nothing would ever come of this.

Disappointment flooded through him and Remus decided that he had to move before he threw caution to the wind and tried to make a move, the wolf so desperately wanting him to. Deciding that the night had been a bust, Remus decided it was Home time. He pulled Sirius’ arm over his shoulder and motioned to James who moved into a similar position, Peter leaning on him. They moved to bid the girls a goodnight, Remus leaning into Lily’s hug and half-shouting

‘I best receive an owl, saying you got home safe’. Lily nodded, blowing him a kiss, and then blowing James one too.

The boys then shuffled out of the club and hailed the Knight bus from an empty alleyway. Remus sat on the bus, a sleepy Sirius lounged against him, only half listening to James rattle on about Lily’s goodbye. Once they arrived in Essex, Remus helped Sirius into the house, getting him some water to sober him up slightly before they travelled back to the Potters. Remus watched as Sirius waved him a lazy goodbye, before disappearing in green smoke. James repeated the motion and finally, it was just Peter and Him. Pete was already conked out on the sofa, snoring heavily, one arm dangling off the edge. Remus quickly pulled a blanket over the boy before taking some more powder and softly calling out the address for his own home, praying to Merlin that he didn’t trip over the cat again.

Later that night, as Remus lay in bed, watching the sky turn into a hazy shade of pink, Remus gave into his desires once more and reached down into his underwear, stroking himself to completion, the image of Sirius under the club lights never once leaving his mind.


	7. Secrets are Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the full Moon approaches, tensions are high and secrets are revealed. how will everyone react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends,
> 
> Slight delay on this chapter, my apologies. 
> 
> T/W - Slight mentions of Child abuse in this one but no actual descriptions 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one. 
> 
> No BETA. Not my Characters.

Sirius had spent most of the day adamantly trying to ignore the persistent pounding in his head, questioning his own stupidity to have gotten himself into such the state that he had. Only ever really drinking Wine, in very small and limited amounts at that, Sirius had never experienced the hell that was a hangover before and if he had any say in it, would not be jumping at the chance to experience another any time soon. Sirius found himself cycling through dizziness due to the bright lights, headaches due to the flashes of images of memories from the night before and intense nausea. Luckily, the nausea and dizziness managed to distract Sirius too much from the memories, which he was certain he didn’t know how to process at this current time.

Fleamont, although Sirius was absolutely certain did not know the exact details of the night before, had seemingly figured out the reason for both boys’ surliness that morning and had beckoned them to his study earlier that morning. Without a word, he had passed them both a small vial, full of an almost urine coloured liquid. Sirius did not even question its contents before quickly downing the liquid, his nose scrunching up at its not so pleasant taste. Feeling the potion settle into his stomach, his queasiness and dizziness faded away, however the headache persisted. Sirius noted that James seemed instantly fine which made Sirius all the more grumpy and due to this, had locked himself away for the remainder of the day.

Now he sat, leaning against the headboard of the bed, relaxing now that he was finally able to stomach seeing the natural light and talking into a small ornate mirror, not staring at his own reflection but rather that of Remus’.

‘I don’t know how you do it every month Moons, you barely even look tired, never alone hungover!’

Remus chuckled, answering in his low gruff voice, the timbre being a tell-tale sign of the approaching full moon. Sirius’ stomach fluttered at hearing he voice, the mixture of the deep resonate and the hint of a Welsh accent making him feel giddy. Sirius managed to focus on the end of the boy’s speech, trying to appear as though he had not zoned out.

‘…I know its probably super weird having seen me like that so I’m sorry if it weirded you out. Usually I’m more private than that, I must have been super drunk…. are we ok?’

Sirius flushed, his colour matching Remus, who also appeared to be blushing aggressively. Noting the panicked look of his friend’s face, Sirius shook his head and smiled, trying to push the image of Remus being sucked off out of his head.

‘Nah…It’s cool, super cool…. it’s what we were there for right? I’d have done the same in that position…. I mean…fuck…its cool!’

After they had recovered from the awkwardness, the conversation had flowed back into the causal and relaxed atmosphere that Sirius was used to. The boy’s found themselves lounging as they spoke, and Sirius had managed to hide his blush and wide-eyed reaction when Remus had taken off his t-shirt and placed a hand just under his waistband as he relaxed. Despite Sirius’ occasional daydream of Remus masturbating while he watched through the mirror, the conversation was calm and comfortable. However, Sirius did note that occasionally, Remus would shake his head aggressively, as though trying to dislodge something from inside his brain. Sirius was worried about this and voiced his concerns; however, Remus had shrugged it off, non-convincingly pacifying him.

‘Don’t worry about me Pads’ He had almost cooed ‘I’m fine, I always get like it near the Full Moon, stop worrying’.

Sirius then began thinking about Remus during the Full Moon’s at home, where he did not have the same safety of the Shrieking Shack that he had whilst at Hogwarts. Remus had apparently cottoned on to what Sirius was worried about and had stood, still shirtless and had taken his own hand-held mirror and guided Sirius down the rickety stairs and out into the garden. Moving away a few shrubs, Remus revealed a small hatch door, which he pulled open with ease.

‘We have an old bunker; you know from the Muggle War…. It’s where the muggles would hide out during the air raids’ Remus patiently answered Sirius’ curiosity of what Air Raids were. ‘raids were when pilots would drop bombs from planes …over large towns usually…planes are the flying things that James thought were dragons remember? Anyway, tomorrow night I’ll just come down here and dad will lock me up’ He raised large shackles from where they were attached to the wall. ‘yeah in these and then I’ll….do what I do…. then mum will get me in the morning and if it’s bad I’ll go to St. Mungo’s and if not….i’ll heal up in bed. Simple really’.

Remus looked highly embarrassed as he recounted this, Sirius noted. Although, that might have been due to the disgusted look on Sirius’ face which he quickly tried to school into something less extreme. Remus always looked a little rougher the night before the full moon, his skin paler and his eyes more bloodshot. Sirius could see how it could be mistaken that he was hungover, surely part of the reason Remus liked to venture out into the Muggle world the night before. However, Sirius could not get over the awful conditions that Remus was to suffer during his change, it wasn’t right for him to be locked down so aggressively. Especially now that he and James…and Peter he guessed… could help.

Remus had decided to stay downstairs for a while, resting in a rickety outdoor chair as they spoke. Sirius sat up straighter, thinking about the best way to approach the subject,

‘Moons…’ He began cautiously ‘Remus, you can’t stay locked down there, it’s not good for you. What if you get hurt?’ Sirius tried to remain calm, although he did not believe he was fully successful, disgust slipping through his tone.

Remus answered instantly

‘It’s safer this way Sirius, you know it!’

Sirius was determined to argue his point however,

‘you can’t stay locked in a tiny bunker, Moons, you’ll barely fit!’

‘It’s fine, I’ve done it plenty of times before’

‘It’s not fair though!’

‘Sirius, it’s safer this way’

‘Not for you!’

‘For everyone else, Sirius!’

‘but..’

‘STOP! Just fucking stop.’

Sirius instantly went quiet. It was rare that Remus raised his voice, however the Wolf always brought an air of irritation and Sirius had apparently pushed too far. He felt guilty and Remus seemed to as well as he took a deep breath in the stilted silence

‘Look…’ Remus said, his hand scratching at the scruff on his chin. ‘I get that it seems bad, but it’s not that bad really and it keeps mum and dad safe.’ Remus didn’t look like he fully believed himself.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak and quickly closed it again, trying to find a nicer way of responding, without insulting Remus’ parents. He could understand their fear, Werewolves were highly dangerous at the full moon, as they well knew. However, Remus was their son! They had a right to look after him and keep him safe too. 

Sirius knew that his next suggestion was likely to make Remus blow up again, however he would be damned if he wasn’t going to try and make it easier for the other boy.

He spoke slowly and carefully. ‘Look Moons, how about… I know we’ve only tried it once…but it could work…we could meet you halfway… and we could transform with you… me and James… then you could run free… and we’d keep an eye…and heal you the next day…’. Sirius broke off, looking at Remus’ face as it morphed into one of horror. 

‘No!’ the other boy yelled, then quieted his voice further. ‘Sirius, it’s too dangerous to do it, especially out of school, you’ve not fully mastered it yet.’ Remus continued shaking his head, ignoring Sirius’ protests.

After Peter had sparked the idea, the boys had begun their process of becoming Animagi, finally succeeding at the end of the year. The process was long and hard, harder than they had imagined. They had ended up having to ‘borrow’ Fleamont’s invisibility Cloak, that James knew was more precious than anything else in the old manor, using it to find a book on the transformation process. After that was months of tasks, potions and training, with them only succeeding to master everything by the end of year. True, they had only managed a full transformation twice, including once where they joined Remus on his last full moon at Hogwarts for the year. The night had worked out to be successful…mostly. Miss Pomphrey, the training healer, had quickly pulled the boys whilst the matron was distracted with Remus and quickly transfigured the Antlers back off James with a smirk, however she did not ask any questions.

Sirius finally managed to stop Remus’ ramblings about safety and danger and whatever else he was mumbling about.

‘Shush Remus’ Sirius smiled easily, trying to calm the hectic boy. ‘Look, we won’t be out in the wild, no-one will be at risk. ‘My uncle left some land after he died, it’s technically mine but I can’t access it until my seventeenth. We will take you there and you can run about and have a good time with me and James. The wards are still up so you won’t get out and no-one will get in.’ Seeing the unsure look on the boy’s face, Sirius pleaded to him. ‘Trust me moons, no-one will even know, and you’ll be back at yours and safe the next morning, I promise.’

After a few moments, Remus nodded. However, he still seemed reluctant about the whole thing, remaining silent as Sirius went over the details with him about the following night. Finally, they parted ways, Sirius to tell James about the plan and Remus to make his arrangements.

* * *

That evening saw Sirius and James sneak into the small glade in the forest that backed the Potter Manor, attempting to perfect the process of transforming into their Animagi. Things, however, were not going well and the stress was leading to many outbursts, including the most recent one in which James had brutally kicked a tree and was now hobbling around.

Ignoring James’ grumbling and swearing, Sirius sat crossed legged on the mossy floor, attempting to clear his mind fully. The process involved more ‘enlightenment’ than the boys had originally thought, and this part was the hardest to master. Sirius went back over everything he remembered from what him and James had learnt the previous year.

_The main thing that all Animagi must remember when starting the process of full transformation is the process of the ‘Four R’s’. Messing up one of these steps can lead to fatal results, with many Wizards beings stuck in various stages of transformation permanently, or in worse circumstances, Disappearing completely._

Gulping slightly, Sirius set his mind of the task ahead.

_Step One: Ritualise_

_Mandrake Leaf buried under freshly procured grave dirt for a week, then taken and cleansed with a Potion of Regeneration. The leaf must be then placed in the mouth, against the roof for a month, never disturbed, even in sleep or through eating/drinking. Recite the spell of Transformation every morning and night. Once done, place into a crystal Phial, wait for a thunderstorm and then bury the Crystal Phial back into grave dirt and recite the spell a final time at the site of burial._

This process had taken around three months to do. Sirius had managed to steal some Mandrake leaves from his family greenhouses, however managing to steal the Grave dirt had been a harder task and had made them wait until their first trip of the year into Hogsmeade where they could take some from the cemetery. James and Sirius had managed to complete the whole ritual on their first month, with Peter taking an extra month to do so, as he had forgotten where he had placed his Phial and had missed the storm.

_Step Two: Ruminate_

_The next step is to achieve the notion of clearing the mind fully to allow the path of the beast to form. Once the mind is clear, you must travel down the path until you reach the sacred space. In order to do so, you must find the best blend of burning herbs to create the illusion of the atmosphere of the sacred space. Once you have entered the space, you may search until you come face to face with the form._

Sirius had taken his time finding the perfect blend for him. James, a natural Potion maker had found his very quickly and had offered his assistance as much as possible, naming herbs and tonics that blended well together. Sirius sat now, pulling out the cone filled with his blend and used a match of Sphinx-flame to light it. Instantly, he was surrounded by the mixture of Rosemary and Lemon, with the hints of the earthy spices and ingredients used to blend it. Sirius sat, titled his head back and closed his eyes, letting the breeze wash over him and the sound of the nature guide him into clarity. He felt his body become light as he saw the path ahead of him and his body moved down it quickly, entering through into the sacred space. Sirius felt himself move through the city that his mind had conjured. The city was large, buildings towering over him but there were no people. Feeling the trickle of rain over his face, he moved quickly through the abandoned streets, searching for the form. The neon lights of the shops surrounded him, but he was completely alone here and he felt free. He continued to move quickly until a sound made him stop dead in his tracks. Slowly turning on his heel, Sirius saw the large shadow as it moved down an alleyway and pushing back feelings of fear, he moved down the alleyway as well. At the end of the Alleyway, Sirius came face to face with silver eyes that felt too familiar and a set of snarling teeth. However, he wasn’t afraid. Kneeling down, Sirius made direct eye contact with the beast, letting his mind form a connection with it. Telepathically, they communicated, speaking in unison

_‘We are the same’_

The form nodded its large head and Sirius smiled at it, their eyes never leaving each other. Suddenly, his body shifted and became light once more.

Step two completed.

_Step Three: Rupture_

_Once the connection between the self and the form has been made, you may begin the process of merging. The witch or wizard must focus on each body part as it breaks down from the structure. If the focus is broken, the rupture can prove to be fatal._

Sirius felt his body begin to shift, almost as though his body was breaking apart. Ignoring the strange sensation, Sirius let himself disintegrate, slowly becoming nothing but air. He willed his body to stay calm, this section was the easiest to mess up, due to people becoming scared of the feeling, however, Sirius was determined for this to work. Finally, he was nothing but a heartbeat, a strong heavy heartbeat that was his alone. However, soon he was more than this, he was a second heartbeat as well, dual beats that were fighting and merging becoming synchronised.

Step Three was complete.

_Step Four: Re-align_

_The dual beats will guide the re-alignment. Allow the body to naturally re-build. Attempting to speed the process or reactions to the contortions of the body into the new form can cause hybrid-alignment of human and animal. The body will know when the process has completed._

Sirius felt his body rebuilding, the heartbeat becoming a core to a strong body. He felt his spine re-emerge, joints re-building and limbs re-growing. He felt ears growing from a newly formed skull, a snout forming where a nose should have been, teeth forming in a newly gained jaw. He felt thick fur growing all over his body, from his skull down his spine and over a newly gained tail. He felt strong claws scratch against the ground and his senses shifted, smell and hearing louder, sight different to what he had once known. Where had once sat a boy, now stood a large, black dog.

Step four complete.

Sirius looked up, his perspective lower than he was used to, searching for James. However, the smells of his surroundings distracted him and he moved around the clearing, re-discovering the area in his new form. He tested his agility and speed, noting that he could run fast and that he was strong. Sirius grinned, feeling the heavy tail wagging at the base of his spine. Making his way back to the clearing, he spotted James, sitting in the middle of the grove and not wanting to disturb him, he sat diligently in front of him. Soon after, the form of the boy began to shift and contort until s large Stag stood proudly in front of him. Sirius barked happily and the Stag bowed its majestic head.

They had both done it.

The boys celebrated by running through the forest, playing and roughhousing in a way so unfamiliar for the two animals to do naturally, however the boys could not contain their excitement.

Finally, when they began to tire and the sun had begun to dip below the tree line, the beasts moved back to the clearing, standing in front of one another as they started the process of returning to human form. Sirius began to imagine his body, from head to toe, in as much detail as he could. He felt his body begin to shift and re-align back to his human stance and he thought to himself how glad he was that this process was much quicker and safer to complete.

As the process was ending, Sirius looked to James, opening his mouth to call out in celebration. However, the cheeky, boyish grin had slipped off his face and quickly morphed into one of fear as Sirius heard

‘So, when were you going to tell me that you boys had become Animagi then?’

Sirius could only stand there, feeling his wagging tail droop as James’ antlers faded into nothingness. Turning around as his tail and ears disappeared, Sirius looked into the angry eyes of Fleamont Potter.

* * *

Sirius’ hands shook violently as he took a sip of his Tea, hearing the clink of china as he clumsily placed his cup back down onto the saucer. He could feel the drips of sweat on his forehead as he glanced at the other people around the table. Euphemia looked concerned, the confusion written over her face in the form of light frown lines as her eyes flicked between her husband and the boys in front of her. Fleamont himself looked angry, angrier than Sirius had ever seen the man, his face almost red as his eyes glared into the matching ones of his son, who looked as relaxed as ever, his face not conveying a single sign of emotion, negative or otherwise.

Fleamont was the one to break the tense silence, his eyes beginning to shift between James, ever relaxed and Sirius, who felt like he was going to pass out from the stress.

‘Which one of you is going to spill the beans then?’ Fleamont said, his voice deceivingly calm, despite his face conveying the truth.

Sirius gulped, his eyes shifting to James next to him. James looked back, shrugging subtly, suddenly looking conflicted.

‘Well?’

Sirius knew that by admitting why they had become Animagi, he would be outing Remus as a Werewolf, something he would never do. He knew though, that by not giving Fleamont an answer, he was risking breaking their trust, meaning that they could throw him out. Sirius relied on the Potters now, he couldn’t imagine what he would do without them, but he couldn’t do it to Remus. He wouldn’t do it to Remus.

Sirius cleared his throat, turning the attention to himself.

‘we became Animagi over the last year, we did it whilst at school.’ Sirius stated carefully, trying to stop his voice from wobbling. ‘We didn’t do it to be stupid though, we had a reason’

‘And what reason might that be?’ the sharp reply came.

James butted in then, catching the drift instantly.

‘We can’t say, but it’s important I promise’ His eyes softened, making contact with his mother. The almost too innocent look seemed to be working on her, as she also softened, her hand coming to grasp her sons. Fleamont however, was not falling for his son’s performance of innocence and he banged his hand heavily on the table, making Sirius flinch heavily,

‘James Fleamont Potter, you will tell me right now what Is going on.’ Fleamont barked at his son. ‘What a bloody stupid thing to do! It’s dangerous, you could have died doing it, it’s reckless, it’s dangerous and let’s not forget, it’s illegal. Do you know how long an unregistered Wizard can get in Azkaban? Fifteen years! That’s double your current lifespan. Are you stupid?’

James opened his mouth, clearly about to make a cheeky quip, however Fleamont pointed a large finger at his son, cutting him off

‘I won’t have my son conducting Illegal activities, not in my bloody house boy!’

Effie attempted to calm her husband with a hand to his arm. He briefly touched the hand, a familiar gesture of acknowledgment before Fleamont got up and walked over to the window, calming himself silently. Effie looked between the boys, noting Sirius had paled dangerously and looked on the verge of passing out. Effie placed a hand on each boy’s hands and plead with them

‘James, Sirius…my boys, you must tell us’ she implored quietly, her watering eyes flickering between the teenagers. ‘You could get into so much trouble my darlings, so much trouble if the ministry found out. I couldn’t bear it if either of you ended up in Azkaban…it would kill me’. A single tear leaked out of her eyes and she bowed her head to hide it.

Sirius didn’t want to make anyone angry and he certainly didn’t want Effie to cry but he knew he couldn’t betray Remus. He wouldn’t break that promise to his best friend. He had heard about the dark wizard and his attempt to gain followers of all races and if the knowledge of Remus got out, he would be a target for sure. Sirius’ vision began to blur and his chest tightened dangerously. However, he would take any punishment over revealing this secret. Steadying his voice, he began to appeal to Fleamont, who now stood behind his vacated chair.

‘Fleam…Mr Potter, Sir. It was my ideas to learn the incantation, don’t punish James for it. I organised everything and persuaded him to join me. He only did it so I wouldn’t try and do it alone. I will take all the blame and accept all the punishments sir.’

Fleamont sighed, rubbing his temples with his hand before dropping them to the table roughly

‘Fine’ he sighed again. ‘Fine Sirius, if you want to take the blame, I won’t stop you. However, both of you will receive a punishment…unless you want to tell me the real reason and then we will assess it’

Sirius looked defiantly at the man, ignoring his shaking lip.

‘No’ he said more confidently than he felt. ‘I will not break my promise. I will take the punishment instead’

Nodding, Fleamont finished his drink, downing the last of his tea quickly. He paced for a while before leaning down to whisper into his wife’s ear. He then stood once more before stating,

‘You boys will finish your drinks and then meet me in the Study in one hour. Be there promptly’

He then abruptly left the room.

Sirius finished his drink and then went to his bedroom, almost running in his haste. He sat looking in the mirror, panicking. His sense of rational thinking instantly left him as envisioned the punishment he might receive. At home, punishments could be anything from moderate to severe. He had received punishments in the form of starvation, beatings and even the Cruciatus curse when his mother was in a particularly cruel mood. He sat there, trying to calm his body, however it was useless. Once the hour had almost passed, Sirius pulled his body back out of his room, trying not to cry as he waited outside the Office with James, who also looked upset at the idea of a punishment. Effie let them into the office and sat them down in front of the desk. Sirius’ mind went into overdrive at this moment, not seeing Fleamont but hearing movement from the door next to the desk. Hearing the door click open, Sirius looked up to see Fleamont entering the room, his hands at his now open belt. Sirius, zoning in on the belt held back a small sob.

So, a belting it was then.

He wasn’t sure how to feel. He felt betrayed by the Potters and upset at the idea of being punished for protecting a friend. He also felt like he deserved it, as he did with every punishment he received. He also felt resigned to his fate, for he knew deep down that the sense of peace he had began to feel had to end at some point. All pure-blood families apparently were the same, cruel and heartless.

With a resigned smile, he stood, ignoring James’ questioning call of his name and began to quickly unbutton his shirt. His hearing and sight were fuzzy as he did so, his movements were mechanical and almost ritualistic, the motions of someone who had done this many times before. As he reached the bottom of his shirt, a delicate hand grasped his wrist, and another touched his chin

‘What on earth are you doing, silly boy?’ Effie spoke to him softly, as though not to scare him away. ‘Sirius, my boy, look at me.’

Sirius looked into the soft, sweet face of the women he had began to consider a mother, feeling shame and fear coarse through him. He made eye contact for a brief second before looking down submissively.

‘I…I am….’ Sirius gulped, barely able to catch his breath through his sobs ‘I am accepting…m…my punishment…. ma’am’

Effie looked startled, her face morphing into one of confusion before realisation and horror slid over her face. Her face lost all colour and her eyes teared up as she pulled Sirius into a crushing hug, his tense body being engulfed into warmth. This gesture alone broke Sirius and he suddenly sobbed, grasping onto the women as though he would float away if he let go. He let himself sink into the comfort of her arms, flinching violently when he heard the large footsteps hurrying towards them.

Hie gasped, his sobbing increased and suddenly, he was being pulled from the lither body of the woman and instead, was being engulfed by the larger body of the larger man. A big hand came up to cradle his head and the strained, wobbly voice of Fleamont whispered to him

‘Oh Sirius…Sirius my boy, I’m so sorry, so sorry’ the elder man sniffed, his own tears falling freely as his voice wobbled. ‘I would never my lad…never…. never lay a hand on one of my boys. Was never my intention…’ his grip tightened over Sirius as Sirius’ body sagged in relief, his legs giving out.

Sirius felt the big man move with him, both going to the floor and Sirius did not hesitate to curl up into the arms of the big man, cuddling into him, rather like a baby. Sirius did not care at this moment, needing the comfort more than anything else.

After some time, Sirius was unsure how much exactly, he felt his breathing calm and rather than sobbing, he was now just hiccupping pathetically. Effie got him a glass of water and he drank it shakily as the older woman pulled his hair out of his face. With a helping hand from the woman, Sirius pulled himself up and let the older woman wipe his wet face. She pulled his head down and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead, whispering to him

‘Go darling. Go lie down, we will talk more later.’

Nodding slowly, Sirius pulled himself up and keeping his head down, scurried across the kitchen to the door. As he reached to grab it however, a hand lightly grabbed his shoulder, turning him. Without a word, he was pulled into a final hug. Echoing his father, James reached a hand to the back of Sirius’ head, cradling it for a moment before pulling back and gently tapping Sirius on the cheek.

‘You’re safe here’ James whispered, his voice hoarse but firm ‘I love you, brother’

Swallowing another sob, Sirius simply nodded, weakly smiling at James, patting his upper arm and leaving the kitchen.

* * *

Sirius awoke abruptly, his mouth dry and head pounding once more, searching for the noise that woke him up. Hearing a soft knock at the door, he called out a hoarse

‘Enter’

His hands attempting to tame his unruly hair. The door opened slowly and James poked his head around looking hesitant and apologetic.

‘Sorry for waking you mate’ James murmured. ‘Mum wanted me to say that we have guests if you feel up to it. nothing formal…important though’. James looked like he wanted to explain further but didn’t. instead Sirius blinked a few times, adjusting to being awake further.

He replied groggily ‘Yeah...sure…Tell your mum I’ll be down in a few…lemme sort myself out’

James nodded, hesitating for a few more seconds, clearly wanting to comfort or comfort Sirius without patronising him. Clearly having argued with himself internally, James chose to leave it

‘Ok…cool…See you in a few then…bye’

James closed the door quickly.

Sirius chuckled lowly to himself, James had no tact, but boy did he try. Turning the lap on next to him, Sirius climbed out of bed and grabbed his hairbrush, taming his hair enough to tie it up. He looked in the mirror, quickly casting the necessary charms to hide that he had been crying and then looked down at his clothing. Choosing to change rather than charm them, he pulled a t-shirt from his drawer along with a pair of soft shorts, not caring for once about his image.

Deciding that he looked decent enough, Sirius finally dragged himself downstairs, listening to the low chatter as he moved into the living room. Upon entering, Sirius was met with a tense atmosphere. Fleamont was seated in his large armchair, Effie bumbling about pouring tea for their guests. Sirius instantly tensed upon seeing the guests, his stomach plummeting when he caught eyes with Remus, who was seated stiffly between his parents.

‘Sirius darling, good to see you up and about’ Effie said gently. ‘take a seat darling, do you want Tea?’

‘Please’ Sirius hoarsely replied, moving quickly to sit on the second sofa next to an equally tense James.

After a few more minutes of forced polite chatter, Lyall Lupin had lost all patience and simply barked

‘Why have you dragged us here Remus? I have better things to be doing’ he looked quickly to Fleamont. ‘No offence of course’.

Fleamont’s face remained impassive as he replied, his voice turning highly professional, devoid of all the warmth he usually possessed.

‘Of course’ he repeated back to the man. ‘I am unsure as to what Remus told you beforehand, however I wanted us to meet to discuss some information I found out earlier.’

Remus’s eyes quickly shifted to Sirius, who looked confused and then over to James, who Sirius felt squirming next to him. Seeing the reaction, Remus looked instantly betrayed and he yelled out

‘You told them?’

Sirius quickly shook his head, attempting to reassure the boy that they would have never given away his secret, however he was stunned when James quickly replied for the both of them.

‘Listen mate, I know it sounds bad…’ James continued despite Remus’ scoff of disbelief. ‘Don’t scoff mate, we did it to help you. Dad caught me and Pa…Sirius…preparing for tomorrow and questioned us. Sirius didn’t say anything it was all me’. James had begun to ramble now, barely comprehensible. ‘I had to explain but it’s ok, mum and dad will keep it a secret and dad even wants to help you, so that we don’t have to sneak off, but you can roam freely. Please don’t be mad’. James seemed to run out of steam then and simply looked anguished.

Remus didn’t say a word, simply stared at James, his expression unreadable. Lyall, instead began to speak, his tone haughty and on the verge of anger.

‘We don’t need any help, thank you very much. I can control my own son’. Lyall sniffed. ‘We ain’t some pity case for you elitists Mr Potter and my son isn’t some sort of _pet_ project for you’. The way he sneered as he said pet made Sirius bristle and he felt himself tense up. James, subtly grabbed him arm, calming him.

Fleamont also seemed to grasp the double meaning and lost some composure as he rebutted.

‘I do not see your son as a project Mr Lupin, nor do I believe that he is some sort of freak to hid away.’ Fleamont moved to his feet, turning to the side table and poring himself a glass of whiskey. ‘My intention to invite you hear was offer young Remus a safe residence during the full moon so that he can transform safely. My wife here is a blessed healer and we could offer young Remus a safe refuge that he clearly doesn’t have at home’ He took a large drink before replying sassily ‘No offence of course’.

Lyall bristled at this, standing as well as he argued back with the larger man

‘I do not need your help, i know what my son is and can deal with the _problem_ myself, thank you.’

Fleamont faced the man, calmly drinking. Sirius felt as though he was watching an intense debate and glanced at Remus, noting that the boy was sitting impassively, however his face gave away his embarrassment, his cheeks a soft pink. Sirius thought he looked quite nice like this and had to blink away the idea that seeing Remus blush would make him feel anything. Remus’ mother was comforting her son subtly, a gentle arm on his and Sirius noted, her movements were shaky, as though this was a struggle for her, physically.

Snapping back into the conversation, Fleamont was now seated again ,looking up at the still standing Lyall who looked ready to fight or run away. Fleamont was coldly starting at the man, before replying to a statement that Sirius clearly missed.

‘Werewolf Mr Lupin, you can say the word, its not a curse. It’s what your son is and I implore you to get used to this fact’

Lyall had clearly had enough and claimed as much, turning to his frail wife and demanding

‘Get up Hope, we are leaving. Remus, get your arse up boy and help your mother.’

Remus quickly stood, holding out a hand to his mother who simply sat there, stubbornly refusing to move. Taking a deep breath she replied to her husband, he soft voice shaking.

‘No Lyall, I think we should take up their offer.’ She swallowed, the movement appearing painful as she continued determinedly. ‘If they want to help him and they have the better resources, we should do it. for his sake. Please Lyall.’

The man however, simply looked enraged. Grabbing his tattered coat, he pulled it on roughly, seething

‘Fine, go against me then’ He turned away, wrenching the door open and calling behind him. ‘Find your own way home when you’re done diminishing my authority.’

And with that, he stormed out of the house leaving his wife and son sat, looking dumbstruck and embarrassed. Fleamont sat for a moment, clearly worried he had overstepped but Hope quickly opposed this thought.

‘You’ll have to forgive my husband’ she apologised. ‘He is too proud for his own good, but we appreciate the offer for you to help our Remus’. She leant up and kissed the embarrassed teen on his temple. Fleamont nodded, sipping his drink quietly before nodding once more and sitting forward.

‘James, why don’t you take Sirius and Remus to your room and show them your…guilt-tarp thing of yours whilst me and… dear Hope here discuss some details. We will get you afterwards to see if young Remus agrees with the plans ok?’

James rolled his eyes as he stood mumbling back ‘It’s a guitar dad, I’m sure Remus has seen one, he is a half-blood…’

Fleamont simply shooed the boy away, before offering Mrs Lupin a glass of whiskey. Sirius chuckled to himself as he followed Remus and James out of the room and upstairs, assuring Remus that he would allow James to subject him to the horrors of his ‘musical talents’.


	8. Avoidance is Futile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With September, comes a return to normalcy. at least it should. However, Sirius must fight with his own feelings and Remus, well he might be being ignored. More of the group are introduced and James hits an unfortunate bump with Lily thanks to one slimy git.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I have returned. Please forgive me, work and life has been hectic! 
> 
> Anyway, hopefully I will be able to upload more frequently for a while but we shall see! 
> 
> Enjoy!

‘Quick dad, or we will miss it. Hurry!’

Sirius scoffed at the shrill enthusiasm of the smaller boy as he rushed past, pulling his father, a dishevelled looking man with horn rimmed glasses behind him. Sirius pulled his jacket tighter around his body, shuffling impatiently from foot to foot. He felt strangely nervous – not that he would outwardly admit this – but nervous, nevertheless. The platform was heaving with people and the noise was giving him a cracking headache.

He felt like he was going to throw up. shifting his eyes from side to side, he kept glancing around for the distinctive features of the Black matriarch or the gravel of his father’s recognisable voice. He tried to distract himself with the people around him, laughing half heartedly at James’ jokes and letting Effie flick between the boys, ensuring they had everything they needed.

‘….Definitely have your ticket Si?’

‘Yes Ma’am’

‘your wand? Trunk?’

‘Yup and Yup. Everything I need’

James glanced over his mother’s head, rolling his eyes jovially at his mother as she straightened his collar, attempting to brush invisible dust from his jumper.

‘Relax mother, we have everything we need.’ He playfully pushed Effie away as she tried to tame his ever-unruly hair. ‘Stop will ya, you’re going to ruin my reputation as a cool guy!’

Sirius grinned at Fleamonts scoff of disbelief.

The five-minute whistle blew, and Effie bustled about once more, hugging the boys and kissing them both on the cheek. Fleamont, more tactfully, offered his hand to Sirius and gave him a jovial wink.

‘Have a good term my lad, if you need anything at all, we are only an owl away’. Sirius nodded, accepting one last hug from Effie before she bustled the two boys over to the train, wishing them a good journey, speaking of Christmas plans and reminding them to behave, all in rapid succession. Clambering up the stairs, Sirius and James stood at the door waving at the Potters as the train began to move away from the platform, staying there until the train finally turned the corner away from the station completely.

Sirius sighed, turning away from the door and facing the onslaught of loitering students ahead of them. Beckoning for James to follow, Sirius began to shoulder his was through the throngs of people, scoffing at the scared looking first years who had accidentally boarded the wrong carriage and were now swarmed by towering Sixth years. As the collective of children did not seem to be thinning out, Sirius, already in an irate mood, simply began barging through the groups aggressively, pushing anyone who stood in his way. Most scampered out of the way and began moving in the direction of the first-year carriage, however Sirius’ mood darkened further as one toad-like first year decided to stand his ground,

‘Who do you think your touching, you twat?’

Sirius swirled around, his silver eyes darkening dangerously. He eyed the toad boy up and down before snarling,

‘Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, you little rat!’

Rather than backing off, instead Toady stood on his tiptoes, pushing his face into the sharper features of the older boy, puffing his chest out towards Sirius.

‘I wouldn’t start with me… I know people….dark people who wouldn’t mind fucking up a blood traitor like you, Black!’ Sirius paled, feeling suddenly intimidated by the small wizard. The boy unfortunately seemed to notice this. ‘Not so tough now are you Black! My old man said you were pathetic…no wonder your parents consider you dead to them!’

Sirius’ hand flew to his wand holster, however, was stopped by a warm hand clasping his. James was at his side, his own wand pushed into Toady’s face.

‘I would leave now if I were you. Unless you want to feel the back end of a stinging jinx, you little shit’

The boy considered for a second, before backing up and turning to leave. Sirius raised his wand to the boy’s back, but James was quicker, pushing his hand down and muttering,

‘Leave it mate, he’s just a ruddy kid, all talk’

Sirius nodded, lowering his hand and moving to walk away. However, Toady seemed to have a death wish and began loudly boasting of his achievements to his friends, causing Sirius to wheel around, marching towards the kid, grabbing him by the scruff and throwing him heavily through an open compartment. Toady, unluckily for him, managed to land face first at the feet of Narcissa Black, Sirius’s cousin. Narcissa looked up, silver eyes meeting Sirius, an unknown look upon her pale face. Sirius paused for a second, waiting to see what would happen. Narcissa smirked a tiny smile and Sirius could have sworn he saw a minuscule wink before she kicked the small boy in the head and threw up a hand in a rude gesture. Sirius, in turn blew a kiss at her before ducking quickly as a rogue hex flew over his head and hit Toady’s friend smack in the chest.

Smirking at a laughing James, Sirius pushed forward once more, heading towards the communal seating at the rear of the sixth-year carriage. He scanned around for any familiar faces, finally spotting Peter and jumping the bench, dropping next to him. He brushed the unruly hairs from his face as he got comfortable, throwing a quick hello to Peter before his attention was diverted to the light voice from his other side,

‘Hello beautiful boy. How are you doing?’

The girl’s airy voice suited her aesthetic to a tee. It could be argued that she was the female version of Sirius. Her hair was thick and curly, the dark tendrils curling around her slender, sharp face. Her eyes were dark and sultry, and her thin lips were often twisted into a cheeky and appealing smirk. the only significant differences between the two were the completely opposite dress senses. Whilst Sirius, as typical of his pure blood status, wore distinctly formal clothing, Marlene McKinnon was dressed casually in muggle jeans, a muggle band t-shirt carelessly in. Sirius often found himself in awe of her calm and liberal attitude towards blood status and honestly, from looking at her now, you would never guess she was a blood pure herself. Sirius always found himself to be more relaxed in her presence and craved being around her to get that sense of calm euphoria that seemed to spill from her very being.

Her slender fingers had threaded through his dark locks as she spoke to him. Sirius grinned lazily at her, relaxing into his seat as he replied

‘Hello Marls. I’m alright, tired though. How was your summer?’

Marlene began a long-winded account of her summer in New York and Sirius, lulled by her soft and dulcet tone, found himself drooping further into his seat, looking out of the window, his thoughts straying amongst the chatter.

To tell the truth, he was feeling out of sorts and had been since the previous week, after the night of the full moon. Sirius’ breath hitched and he let his eyes close as remembered the way that Moony’s lips had felt against his own, how his skin had felt, warm and clammy against Sirius’ own sweaty chest and how comforting it had felt to feel the other boy’s heavy heartbeat quicken during their kiss.

Sirius cringed, his eyes snapping open as he tried to push the feelings out of his head. He glared down at his lap, in hopes that his own dare stare would scare his traitorous body into submission before shifting slightly to avoid anyone noticing his sudden reaction. He felt so conflicted about the kiss. Why did such a selfish and disgusting action make him feel so good? How could he be so selfish?

He had grown up watching his parents and how they acted towards others and he had vowed from a young age that he would do anything to distance himself from that, to be anything other than what they were. Yet, here he was, getting joy….no getting fucking turned on by his own actions towards his barely conscious friend, his best fucking friend when he was at his most vulnerable. He mas well have force fed Remus a lust potion in his semi-conscious delirium or worse, put the boy under the imperious curse and prove how fucking vile he was. Sirius remembered the look on Remus’ face, the confusion, the still unfocused glaze in his eyes as he came back from the effects of the wolf. Yet, Sirius couldn’t help but also notice the flush on his neck, the deep breathing and the feeling of Remus’s body reacting to his. His inner monologue cursed him, berating him into feeling worse and worse.

_You fucking disgusting pig. He was barely conscious; he wasn’t even fully himself and you still got hard over it. You got aroused at your barely conscious friend. You are a vile piece of sh…._

_CRACK!_

Sirius was snapped out of his thoughts by the noise, watching with glazed eyes as the small, magical firework passed over the heads of people in the carriage. Panicked, Sirius looked around, trying to find anything to connect with, to ground him and stop him spiralling into a much darker place. His eyes snapped to James, who was leaning against the wall of the carriage, his arm dangling lazily over the head of Lily Evans, attempting to woo her. Evans herself looked less awestruck and more amused at the attempt, rolling her eyes at what James was saying before pushing past James, making him wobble slightly, losing his cool pretence. Sirius briefly wondered why Evans was in here at all, having assumed she was made a prefect this year, easily being the top Witch in their year. Sirius vaguely remembered James mentioning this during one of his daily Lily rants and Sirius recalled that he had mentioned the girl Prefect had only just started 7th year. The whole situation seemed to be working to James’ benefit however, allowing him the whole journey to Hogwarts to relentlessly pester Evans into dating him.

Sirius’ thoughts were quickly interrupted by a soft hand stroking his neck, playfully

‘…Eaaaarthh to Siirrrriussss!’

Sirius blinked, coming back into reality and turning to the voice, his eyes meeting the joyful ones of a smirking Marlene. Sirius shook his head violently, attempting to refocus.

‘Sorry Marls, what were ya’ saying?’

Marlene’s face showed once of affectionate amusement.

‘I was asking….’ Marlene drawled in fake annoyance, playfully rolling her eyes. ‘Where is Rem? I haven’t seen him at all today but was desperate to see whether James was exaggerating about him looking buff from working over summer’. She finished her thought by jokingly licking her lips.

‘Buff?’ Sirius looked perplexed at the word, clearly another muggle word that he had not transferred over yet.

‘Oh! You know, looking good, strong….sexy’

‘Sexy?’ Sirius replied, his voice cracking slightly as he tried to maintain a sense of calm, trying not to visualise his friend sweaty and shirtless after working all day. He considered what his reply was going to be, choosing to ignore the description and instead answer the original question.

‘Oh, yeah is probably in the first carriage, he was made Prefect.’ He kept the answer short, feigning disinterest.

Marlene nodded, eyeing Sirius questioningly. Sirius could tell she knew something was off and hoped she wouldn’t ask any more questions. Thankfully, she simply shrugged and went back to reading the small magazine on her lap. Sirius eyed it, having never seen it before. The cover was hand-drawn, and the images seemed to be moving at a glacial speed, pacing the page.

_So not a muggle magazine then?_

‘What you got there Mar?’ Sirius questioned, adding afterwards in a jovial manner. ‘I didn’t think you could read’. The sentence was punctuated with a cheeky smirk, which led to Sirius receiving a deceivingly hard punch to the shoulder. Marlene answered him, smirking as he rubbed his shoulder,

‘It’s a magazine that the weird Lovegood kid gave me. You know the one? Year below us, Ravenclaw, has a huge crush on Dorcas?’ Sirius nodded. ‘Yeah, he’s been writing it, most of the stuff is bat-shit crazy but he has started a column on Hogwarts gossip which has some juicy stuff in it. I’m just reading his prediction for the defence teacher this year.’

This phrase seemed to trigger something in the group around them, all of the snapping their attention to Marlene. A sudden surge of noise started up as the other Gryffindors began to conspire about the DADA position being cursed. Sirius attempted to join in, half-heartedly before his thoughts strayed once more to the full moon, back to Moony and back to that wretched kiss.

* * *

_Attempting to alleviate some of the pain searing through his ribs, Sirius had shuffled again, causing a rough, animalistic growl from Remus. Shuffling to face the other boy, to apologise, Sirius instead found himself pressed against the firm body of the taller boy, calloused hands digging into the soft skin of Sirius’ back and hips. Tilting his head up, Sirius found himself being roughly pulled into a hard kiss by Remus, making him gasp suddenly. At this, tongues met and began to entwine and fight for dominance, deepening the embrace. Squirming, Sirius felt himself hardening and attempted to move his body to stop Remus from feeling his reaction to the kiss, however in doing so the movement had simple pushed them closer together, their cocks pressing against each other deliciously. Sirius, only ever having felt his own hands on his cock was already close to orgasm and Remus, seeming to sense this thrust forward, growling into Sirius’ mouth._

_The sound was like a cold bucket of water, snapping Sirius back into reality. His mind began racing, what was he doing? Remus was still partially in wolf form, he was hurt, vulnerable…. Sirius was taking advantage of him and Remus was barely conscious enough to realise. Roughly pulling himself away, Sirius scrambled up, pulling the blanket roughly to cover his traitorous body, still hard from feeling Moony against him. Backing away, Sirius suddenly felt his chest tighten, Remus would never forgive him, God, he looked angry at Sirius already. Thoughts flooded through Sirius’ head; he had just taken advantage of his best friend…. But…. but Remus had kissed him first…. but he wasn’t himself you idiot…. Sirius let his fingers touch his swollen lips, allowing a second more to remember the amazing feeling of the kiss. Looking at Remus once more, hoping to see any sign from Remus that their feelings were mutual. However, Remus still looked confused, unfocused…betrayed. He looked at Sirius like he didn’t know who he was anymore. Sirius, panicking, made a split decision. Unwilling to allow Remus a chance to speak, to yell at him, to call him names and tell him what a disgusting pervert he thought Sirius was, Sirius made a split decision and quickly ran out of the small shack._

_Clinging onto the blanket, Sirius ran through the trees, feeling the brambles and twigs scratch his skin. He ran through the glade, allowing the weak light of the sunrise guide him until he saw the outline of the house. Only acknowledging the wards as he went through them, Sirius continued half-sprinting, half-hobbling through the small gate and up to the backdoor. Grabbing the door handle, Sirius’ heart dropped into his stomach as the door wouldn’t budge. Resigning himself to having to wait until someone awoke, Sirius sat on the step, leant against the cold stone wall, and fell into an uneasy sleep._

_What felt like a minute later, Sirius was pulled from his sleep as he felt his body lurch backwards. Bracing himself for a painful fall, Sirius found himself instead steadied by warm hands. The hands helped him up and into the kitchen, the blanket pulled tighter around him as Effie ordered her husband to quickly go down to the shed to check on the others. Without saying a word, Effie cleaned Sirius up, making Sirius’ eyes water at the familiarity of the gesture. Effie healed him and pressed a gentle kiss to his matted hair before she ordered him upstairs to shower and go to bed. From his bedroom window, Sirius could see Fleamont moving up the garden, his son’s arm around his shoulder and Remus shuffling behind him, his arms wrapped protectively around his body. Sirius had showered quickly and then he rushed back downstairs, hoping to make himself useful. However, what he walked into was tense. Remus was pulling himself roughly out of Fleamont’s grasp, his blanket slipping down his body dangerously low. He seemed panicked and as Sirius stepped forward, Moony jumped backwards like a scared animal and grasping the blankets harder, Remus quickly grabbed a handful of floo powder and disappeared through the fireplace._

_Sirius had left the room, hiding up in his bedroom for the remainder of the week, refusing to talk to anyone, even James about what had happened that night and silently crying himself to sleep at the thought of losing his best friend._

* * *

Sirius lurched back into the present once more by the boisterous laughter of his friends, their conversation having shifted whilst Sirius had zoned out. Sirius could sense two pairs of eyes on him and avidly avoided both Marlene and James, knowing that he was not being subtle with his angst. Re-arranging himself once more, Sirius attempted to think of something to tame his wild thoughts, attempting to pull himself into the conversation, laughing at a joke he would never hear. Sirius attempted to enjoy the company of his friends, relaxing once more as the conversation ebbed and flowed. Over the next few hours, conversation changed, people shifted and moved around, and groups dispersed and grew, and Sirius found himself lying on the bench, his head in Marlene’s lap as her hands played with his dark locks as the two chatted about their O.W.L results.

‘You are so smart Si; I wish I had as much natural talent as you’

‘You are talented Marl, it’s just that your talents are better suited to physical magic and not theory’

During a lull in this conversation, Sirius found himself nearly dozing off in Marlene’s lap. However, he was abruptly re-awakened by heavy footsteps coming closer to them. Knowing instantly who it was, Sirius’s stomach lurched, he was unable to face him just yet. In a panic, Sirius detangled himself, feigning hunger and scurried off, under the guise of looking for the food trolley. Knowing it wouldn’t yet have reached their compartment, Sirius hurried through the fifth-year compartment, only stopping to say hello to a gaggle of girls who were flirting with him. At the end of the day, he was only human, and everyone loved attention.

Finally, getting into the fourth-year carriage, Sirius finally slowed down. Suddenly feeling a sense of nervous energy, Sirius swallowed heavily before taking a deep breath and moving slowly through the much quieter carriage. Sirius felt in his inside pocket, seeking his coin bag and pushing away the feeling of insecurity that the bag felt so much lighter than it had ever been before. Spotting the trolley, Sirius edged towards it, forcing a smile on his face, hopefully one realistic enough to be normal as he approached the Trolley Witch,

‘Agatha, you delightful woman, you are looking as beautiful as ever!’

The older Witch, ever used to the charm of the older Black, rolled her eyes affectionately at the boy but blushed, nevertheless.

‘Master Black, good to see you again. Same as always?’

Sirius knew he couldn’t afford the feat he usually would have bought but played it off that he wasn’t hungry, pondering over the food. He wanted to buy food for the group and hoped James would lend him any money he needed until he could get to his bank account, praying he wouldn’t have to ask to borrow any from the Potters.

As he counted out his coins to pay, Sirius halted upon hearing the sneering tones of a fourth year

‘Look at the blood traitor, counting out the last of his Knuts!’

A response came in the form of raucous laughter and Sirius’ eyes flew up, gliding over the sneering faces of the fourth year Slytherins. Sensing him before their eyes met, Grey met Grey and Sirius felt sick to be caught in such as vulnerable state in front of his brother. Regulus at least did not appear to be laughing.

Quickly pushing his coins at the Witch, he did not even pay attention to the amount of change he was given and had he done so, would have realised the beautiful act of charity from Agatha. Rather, he quickly turned away, intent on getting as far from the group as possible. He could hear Regulus call his name and Sirius shuffled forward, smacking his shoulder against an opening compartment door. Ignoring the loud laughter that continued to invade his hearing, Sirius ignored his welling eyes as he scurried away, his food cradled in his arms.

Sirius ignored the yelling of his name, fleeing back through the carriage and towards the sixth-year compartment. Wrenching open the door to the fifth-year compartment, Sirius had a moment of weakness, looking back over his shoulder in fear that Regulus had followed him. However, in doing so, Sirius did not see directly in front of him and ended up colliding with another person, food flying from his hands. Instantly flushing, he dropped to his knees, scrambling to pick up the discarded items whilst muttering,

‘Fuck…Sorry…didn’t see…not looking….shit….’

The other person held out their hands, passing Sirius the last of his items and drawing Sirius’ attention to the familiar scars that smattered them. His eyes skimmed up the arms, over the already donned uniform, the gleaming crimson Prefect badge and finally into the piercing, Honey eyes of the person he had been running from originally. The smooth rumble of Remus’s voice swam with forced humour as he proclaimed

‘I had a suspicion you were trying to avoid me’

* * *

Sirius knew he looked stupid, looking like a guppy fish, his mouth open, eyes wide as he tried to formulate an answer, anything at all that would act as a good substitute for the truth. Really, there was no good way of saying what he truly thought,

_Yes, I am in fact avoiding you Remus. Why? Oh, no reason really, it’s just that I snogged you senselessly whilst you were barely conscious and now, I keep thinking about you in that state and getting hard about it because I’m a pervert. Now I keep thinking about kissing you and touching you because I’m a dirty little bast…._

‘ Woah, Sirius calm down! Are you ok? Just breathe’

Sirius’ eyes snapped up to the golden speckled eyes of his friend. He hadn’t noticed his breathing become laboured and shallow. Sirius shook his head wildly, attempting to hold all of his food, trying to think of something to say or think of a reason to excuse himself. Luckily, or unluckily really, another voice cutting through made his decision for him.

‘Rius, look I just want to talk abou….’

Ignoring the voice and the concerned look on Remus’ face, Sirius simply moved to scurry away but was stopped by a large hand to his shoulder.

‘What’s going on Pads? Who is tha…?’

‘Quick, just move, I’ll explain as we go’ Sirius snapped, ignoring the hurt look that flickered over Remus’ face at the tone. Moony simply nodded, following Sirius with a strong hand still on his shoulder. Sirius tried to calm himself, why the fuck was he feeling scared? He was older than Regulus, better and stronger than him, yet seeing the dark features brought a sense of dread that settled in Sirius’ stomach like a lead brick. As they moved quickly, Sirius steeled himself, feigning disinterest as he spoke

‘My bloody brother….he keeps pestering me, I’m trying to get him to piss off!’

Sirius himself could hear the wobble in his voice and cursed himself. Remus did not point it out, simply squeezed his shoulder. As they reached the sixth-year carriage, he said

‘Go put the food down and then see if a compartment is free, I’ll be back in a second’ and before Sirius could argue, Remus had pushed out of the door and stood blocking the entrance. Sirius waited for a second, trying to hear what Remus was saying but he couldn’t hear anything clearly over the noise of the chatting. He made his way back to the others, quickly depositing food and then moved to stand near James.

James frowned at Sirius, looking quickly at the food and back at the dishevelled boy. After a few seconds, he threw a heavy arm over Sirius’s shoulders for a second, a silent act of comfort. He reached his hands into his tight jeans, fumbling for a few seconds before removing his now clenched fist. Continuing his conversation with Lily, James wordlessly jabbed at Sirius’ hand with his own, depositing a handful of heavy coins into it. Sirius tensed up, trying to shove the coins back at James but the other boy simply tapped the hand. Behind Dorcas, Sirius saw that Remus had returned and was beckoning him, so with a pat to James’ arm, he moved away from the group, back towards the boy.

‘C’mon, in here…we’ll use Snape’s compartment for a second’

Without waiting for reply, Sirius was pushed into the compartment and Remus closed the door, dropping the catch and pulling down the blinds to the corridor. Sirius felt like a caged animal, being able to sense the presence of the Slytherins. Remus had sat down but Sirius couldn’t sit still, rather, he paced the small space. Remus waited for him to stop and when it was obvious, he wasn’t going to, simply started to speak

‘So, what was going on with your brother then?’

Sirius shrugged. Remus Scoffed.

‘Don’t act dumb Pads, you moved so quickly, someone would have thought you’d apparated.’

Sirius stopped pacing to glare at Remus. Remus waited for him to speak. He didn’t. Remus only rolled his eyes and continued

‘Well, I’ve taken house points off him anyway, he’s set a new record! House points before even leaving the train’ Remus huffed a deep chuckle, stopping abruptly when Sirius did not laugh too.

‘Pads, What did he say?’

Sirius looked at the floor, biting his lip to stop it from wobbling. His hands were shaking and to hide this fact, he grabbed the ends of his jackets, pulling at them. The silence was deafening. He wanted Remus to say something to fill it. Remus stayed silent. After a few moments, Sirius decided to reply

‘…He didn’t say anything….it was….his…the others….called me a blood traitor….’

‘Oh! Pads, c’mere’

Remus had stood up, moving quickly to Sirius and pulling him against his firm chest. Sirius could feel the heavy heartbeat, Remus’ smell surrounding him like a fog. Memories of that night flooded Sirius and he suddenly felt suffocated, the darkness seeping back in as he remembered how disgusting he had been. The feeling became too much, and Sirius’ fight or flight kicked in. he had to get away. He roughly pushed away, shoving Remus back in the process. Remus’ legs hit the bench and he nearly toppled over but Sirius couldn’t see, he had turned, his body tense. Behind him, he could hear Remus’ angry voice

‘What the fuck Sirius, what is wrong with you? You’ve been acting weird all fucking day’

Sirius could tell that Remus was feeling insecure, sure that he was to blame and when Remus got insecure, he got snappy and cold. Sirius did not want to answer the question though.

‘Nothing is wrong, for fucks sake, stop badgering me Moony!’

Remus hadn’t said anything in return. Sirius could feel the tension radiating from behind him and he needed to escape the situation quickly. He made his way to the door and began to unlock it. As he went to open it, a large hand flew out above his head, slamming the door back shut. Turning, Sirius was now trapped between the wooden door and Remus’ tensed body. If Remus shifted just slightly, the boys would be pressed flush together, similarly to that night. Remus’ nose was nearly pressed against Sirius’ face, his chest heaving with pure aggression. When he spoke, it was with a hiss that Sirius had never heard from the taller boy before

‘You do not get to ignore me, snap at me for helping you and then just fucking walk away. I am not one of your little lackey’s you can talk to like shit.’

Sirius felt his body react. He shook, a slight sense of fear overtaking his body, yet there was something so alluring about Remus in this moment. Remus did not seem to notice his reaction and simply carried on, shifting his body to get Sirius to make direct eye contact with him.

‘What happened?’

‘Nothing’

‘What happened?’

‘...Nothing Moons.’

Remus sighed, his body tensing up once more. He stood back, his hand leaving the door to pinch at his glabella. Sirius thought he looked like he could cry with frustration. Sirius wanted to comfort him, to hold him and kiss him and…fuck. No. Not kiss him. We are friends. Nothing more. Sirius just stood there against the door watching. When Remus spoke, it was so quiet that Sirius had to strain to hear it.

‘….is it me? Did I do something?’

Sirius gulped. Remus thought that he was in the wrong. Sirius tried to vocalise how much that was not the truth. However, his hesitation appeared to give the wrong impression.

‘I thought by now that the whole….furry problem was ok….but apparently its not huh? Unless…. Did I…. did I do something….that night….i mean it would make sense….’

‘Moons…no….’

‘I mean….obviously….you’ve been off since then…..’

‘Moons….you didn’t….’

‘Fuck….did I hurt you?’

‘No!’

The large hand smacked above Sirius’ head once more, making Sirius flinch.

‘Then what the fuck did I do?! Why do you suddenly hate me?’

Remus’ anger was palpable. His body was pressed against Sirius, his face red with anger, eyes glowing gold. The wolf in him was activated, determined to protect its host. Sirius felt fear flood through him. Remus pushed his body closer, his other hand grabbing at Sirius’ neck.

‘What did I do?’

Sirius looked into the golden eyes and his felt his stomach tighten. Remus looked so powerful right now, his hand felt so warm and strong on Sirius and Sirius felt himself react instantly. He wanted nothing more than for Remus to crush his lips against his own, to pin him to the door and grind his body against Sirius, to touch him….touch him everywhere. His face contorted and Remus saw this and flew so quickly off the other boy, like being near Sirius had burnt him. Sirius heart plummeted. Remus was disgusted by him. He knew that Sirius was turned on by this and thought he was fucked up in the head. Remus wasn’t even facing him, turned around holding his own hand like he was trying to physically remove the sensation of Sirius’ skin from his flesh. Sirius needed to fix it…to say something….anything…

‘Remus…I….’

The sentence was cut off by a sharp whistle. Remus’ head snapped up, and he moved his hand towards the window to move the blind covering the window. He moved backwards, quickly muttering

‘We’re half an hour out, you need to go get changed…I need to go patrol…’

Sirius nodded and Remus moved back, looking down at himself to fix his unkempt uniform.

‘Look Sirius, we’ll talk about this later, I’m…’

Sirius couldn’t bear to hear what he had to say, didn’t want to face being rejected by Moony so he quickly wrenched open the small door and fled back into the corridor, leaving Moony alone in the compartment.

Sirius moved to the toilets, shutting himself in and sitting on the closed seat. He sat, breathing heavily, trying to regulate his breaths so as to not panic and cry. Once he felt calm enough, he left the toilets and returned to the communal seating. The girls had left, inevitably to put their robes on in the designated changing area, however the boys, much less self-conscious were simply changing out in the open. James, Peter and Frank Longbottom were chatting casually as he neared and without breaking conversation, James threw a folded uniform to Sirius who silently pulled it on, listening to the others talk.

‘You are trying too hard, Potter. Just be nice to her for Merlin’s sake’

‘I am nice to her Frank, she still hates me’

‘Didn’t you once charm her quill to keep writing “Potter is awesome”?’

‘That was last year Pete, for fucks sake. I am a man now, I’ve matured’

Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle along with Frank. James threw a stray sock at Sirius which was batted away casually. Sitting on the bench to tie his tie, Frank continued

‘it’s not hard J, just be nice man. Tell her she looks pretty, offer to carry her books, point out how smart she is. Simple things. Don’t need to be elaborate man’

James nodded but Sirius could tell that he was no longer listening but rather, thinking up his next grand gesture. As they finished changing Pete chimed in,

‘While the girls aren’t here…did you guys see Marlene’s boobs? They’ve grown over summer!’

Sirius rolled his eyes, yes, he had noticed but he wasn’t going to yell about it. Marlene was more than a pair of tits; she was a great friend too.

Another boy, who Sirius believed was called Ned, called back

‘So have Pandora’s!’

‘Dorcas is hot now too!’

A third voice had called out. Sirius couldn’t believe what he was hearing, obviously the girls had matured, all of them had…well except maybe Pete….but there was no need to yell about it like animals. They were still the same girls they had always been. Although….Marlene was looking good today…that muggle t-shirt really did show off how mature she had gotten over summer….

‘Oi Pete’ The Hufflepuff called over. ‘I dare you to try have a peak through the door, see if you catch one of them in their bra!’

Peter, always wanting to please, instantly agreed and scurried off, looking particularly rat like as he did. When asked, James instantly blushed, stating that he was far too gentlemanly to spy on the girls, particularly as Lily was changing in there. Frank patted him on the shoulder in agreement and the two sat down to chat quidditch. Sirius, with nothing else to do, trudged along for the fun of it, because really there was no downside. Either he would get a look at some tits or, alternatively, he would get to see Lily Evans hex the living daylights out of Peter. Both were fun results in his mind. As the boys moved down the corridor chatting, they stopped abruptly. It seemed someone had beaten them to the punch. Crouched on the floor, looking through a small, charmed window was slimy Snivelly himself. Sirius lurched forward, grabbing the boy by his ratty robes, pulling him from the floor.

‘What are you doing, you little pervert? Spying on the Gryffindor girls?’

Sirius rattled the boy about, his greasy black hair moving to cover his face, save for his long pointy nose. The Gryffindor boys surrounded him, blocking off the window from his view. All wands were raised in his direction as Sirius led the vigilante crowd of Gryffindors. Sirius could see the sense of hypocrisy that they were berating Snivelly for doing the very thing they were trying to do; however, it wasn’t the point! The girls were their friends, they weren’t being creepy, just curious. Snivelly was a little toad who needed teaching a lesson.

‘What you gotta say for yourself Snivels? You think you’re good enough for any of these girls?’ Theo taunted Snape who flushed. Theo’s voice was so loud, it had attracted more people, including James.

‘Bet it was Evans you were trying to look at weren’t it Snivelly?’ Ned…or Neil….or whatever his name was said. James, who had been smiling at this torment of Snape up until now, quickly jumped into action.

James’ smile fell off his face instantly. Pulling forward, he pointed his wand in Snape’s face

‘Lily?’ he practically roared ‘You best get out of here now Snivelly before I do something… _Unforgivable_ …Catch my drift?’

Snape, for his part looked quite intimated by James but still decided to try his hand,

‘You wouldn’t dare Potter, you don’t have the balls’

_‘Excaecatio’_

Snape suddenly fell to his knees, his hands coming to his eyes as he screamed

‘I can’t see!’

The crowd laughed and the door flung open, the girls rushing out, Lily leading the group

‘What in Merlin is….what happened? What’s wrong with Severus?’

No-one spoke. The silence was deafening, even Snape had gone quiet. Lily crouched in front of Snape muttering a counter-jinx quietly to him. It was only in this moment that Sirius realised that she wasn’t fully dressed, her white bra straps becoming a beacon for the teenage boys. Some of them had started to mutter around them and Sirius quickly acted, shrugging off his jacket and placing it carefully around her shoulders. She turned for a second, in shock before giving Sirius a grateful smile, pulling the jacket around her firmly. Within minutes, Snape was back on his feet, being supported by Lily, a sly smirk on his face as Lily snaked an arm around his waist in comfort.

‘Who did it?’

No-one spoke. Lily’s eyes flashed dangerously.

‘You will tell me now or there will be trouble’

Snape decided to go for the jugular in this moment, dropping his smirk and making his voice shake as he spoke

‘I was walking past….a-and….I s-saw P-Potter and his friends…spying on you…look’

A shaky finger pointed to the small window which was still there.

‘I t-tried to defend your honour….b-but….’ Snape cut off then, in fake horror at the loss of his eyesight.

James did not help the situation in this moment. He lurched forward, wand out. He was intercepted by Lily, who had her own wand at his chest instantly.

‘Step back now Potter, you disgusting pig’.

In this moment, two things happened. One, the jacket on Lily’s shoulders slipped, falling off completely. That would have been fine on its own if not for the second occurrence. James, in his male stupidity, took notice of this and his eyes strayed down instantly. Sirius could have slapped him.

Lily, suddenly embarrassed, quickly covered herself up and Snape wrapped his arms around her, in faux protection. James growled at the sight. Lily, on the defence raised her wand once more, turning to Sirius this time,

‘Take your jacket and your stupid friend and get away before I do some damage myself’

James attempted to move forward, babbling out what had happened but Lily was not listening, instead she was already heading back into the changing room. Turning, suddenly Lily pointed her wand at James,

‘Fuck off Potter, you disgust me’

James’ lip wobbled dangerously and Sirius, preparing to protect his best mates’ dignity moved towards James, pulling him away and back towards the seats,

‘Don’t worry mate, she’ll get over it, she’ll learn what really happened’.


	9. Smoothing out the creases

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the boys settle into their 6th year, there is tension in the air. Will they be able to resolve their issues or will this be the end of their friendship? James makes a tiny but oh so important breakthrough and Peter is making new friends. should Sirius be worried?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Im not sure how to feel about this chapter. it feels a little disjointed and filler heavy. however, it's needed as a lead up to more juicy things, i promise! 
> 
> NSFW Warning - There is a lil something something at the end of this chapter. not smut as such but a tease of it, filled with much teenage awkwardness. if you don't wanna read it, then stop after the third line break!
> 
> Enjoy :)

Remus was beginning to regret accepting the Prefect role. After ensuring that every first year was accounted for, dressed and off the train, including having to remove hexes from several children who had been somehow attached to the seats of the compartments, Remus helped to herd the excitable rabble of first years onto the boats that would take them off to the castle. By the time, they had reached half-way across the lake, Remus’s boat now contained one damp ginger girl, who had fallen overboard after wanting to get a better view of the castle, two boys who had some-how fused themselves together and would have to be taken to the hospital wing instantly and a particularly motion sick boy who threw up over the side of the boat every time it so much a wobbled.

Remus rolled his eyes. He could swear that first years had never been this stupid or annoying before, yet now, the year he became Prefect, every first-year student had suddenly become the absolute worst.

Remus had to admit, his mood was probably made ten times worse by the conversation he had with Sirius on the train. He was still trying to get his head around what had happened. Sirius had been so shaken and Remus had believed for a moment that it was just about his brother, but it was more than that wasn’t it? Sirius had reacted hostile towards Remus, had been cold and angry at him. Why? Did he remember the kiss? How would he have forgotten it? They were both present, both consciously aware of what was happening. He had tried to gauge Sirius’ reaction about it… he had kissed him back. Hadn’t he? Remus had originally believed that was the case, however now he thought back, he couldn’t remember if the kiss had been a moment of mutually, animalistic pleasure or whether, instead he had forcefully kissed the other boy, held him down with his body, pushed his cock against the other boy. Now he thought about it, how had Sirius actually reacted?

He had run away.

Fuck.

Had Remus pushed him? Pressured him? Forced him to kiss him, intending for it to go further. If Sirius hadn’t been brave enough to push him away, would Remus have gone further? Pushed Sirius further? Would he have done something terrible?

No wonder the other boy was angry with him. He had every right. Remus was supposed to be his friend and he had done something so vile and feral like the dirty animal he was. And for what? Sirius wasn’t even gay, would never have had a positive response either way. What the fuck was he thinking?

Remus stayed in his dark cloud all the way across the water, being brought back to reality as the boats gently hit the shoreline. He clambered out of the boat , helping his unfortunate fellow passengers out before leading them to the appropriate places. After sending the boys off to Matron Lillyrush and Nurse Pomfrey to be cared for, Remus ushered the other two towards the collection of first years stood before Professor McGonagall.

Once Remus had finally been able to grab his seat in the Great Hall, he felt like he was going to fall asleep. There seemed to be a great tension around the table, what had happened to their little group? they seemed fine earlier. James looked heartbroken, pining eyes continuously seeking out Lily, who was blushing lightly, angrily turned away from everyone but Dorcas. Frank was trying to comfort James, whispering under the breath to him, so quiet that Remus couldn’t hear a word being said. Marlene was sat next to Sirius, who seemed hellbent on looking at physically anyone but Remus. Peter was further down the table, stuffing his face, completely unaware of anything but his chicken wings. Remus sighed, picking at his food, suddenly not hungry. He barely ate anything during dinner and completed ignored all of the desserts as they appeared and finally disappeared at the end of the feast. He could barely focus, only clocking into what was happening as Dumbledore gave his closing thoughts.  
  
‘...Within these times, where tensions seem high and there is a constant aura of uncertainty, we are reminded that hope is the vital ingredient to keep us moving forward and without it, we are accepting darkness. It is important, now more than ever, to love each other for our differences and to work together as a whole.’

Remus rolled his eyes at this. Usually, Dumbledore gave these beautifully cryptic messages that were quotable masterpieces, however even Remus thought that this speech was slightly too on the nose for his liking. As Dumbledore bid goodnight, the Great Hall erupted into a myriad of sound and Remus huffed, standing up. he regretted not eating much now, as he realised, he was actually starving. Remus called forward the newly sorted Gryffindors and began to lead them towards the Common room, giving a tour of the castle as he did so. He was acutely aware of his friends behind him, tripping the first years and terrifying students with fake horror stories of the ghosts, ghouls and monsters within the castle and Remus had to fight with the decision to ignore them or face losing more friendships over taking house points. Halfway up to the common room, Remus found himself next to a very chipper Lily Evans, now sporting a prefect badge. Turning to question her, she already had an answer prepared

‘Mary-Anne had to go to the Hospital wing after she got caught up in a bad hex. Might have to go to St. Mungo’s. I’m the girl’s prefect while she’s away’.

Lily tried hard to remain professional and solemn about the predicament but failed to keep the pure glee from her face. And so, she should be, being a prefect was a huge honour and Lily definitely deserved the chance to be a representative for Gryffindor. Remus smiled back at her

‘I guess we will be working together then’ Lily grinned back, linking their arms. Using her other hand, she reached into her robe pocket, pulling out a cauldron cake which she promptly fed to Remus. Deciding not to question why she carried small cakes with her, Remus gratefully enjoyed his cake.

Once at the portrait, Remus gave the new password to the Fat Lady, entering the common room and instantly feeling a sense of home. Remus and Lily then split up, Lily taking the girls up to their dorms whilst Remus showed the boys to their correct rooms, pointing out the bulletin board and showing a couple of students how to read their newly acquired timetables. Finally, he trudged to the sixth floor of the dormitories and flopped onto the remaining bed, in between Peter and James.

‘All right Re?’ James asked, ‘Didn’t lose any of the little twerps then?’ he chuckled to himself as he continued to unpack his broom maintenance equipment and putting them into the drawer next to the bed.

Remus simply gave a weak thumbs up, not wanting to move from where he was lying. Finally, he forced himself up, undoing his ties and shrugging off the robes he was wearing. He watched as the other boys unpacked their personal items, hanging up photographs and posters and placing small trinkets around their space.

To Remus, the dormitories were some of the most fascinating spaces to be, showing every different personality between all of the members of Gryffindor house. Remus always found how the dorms worked to be fascinating, how they changed size and configuration for each group, dependent on how many boys and girls were sorted into each house that year. As there were only five boys in their year, the group had plenty of space in their dorm. James had taken the bed next to the door, convenient for the early morning quidditch practices. Frank was opposite him, probably for the same reason. Sirius was next to Frank and this made Remus pause. He and Sirius had always had their beds next to each other, since their first year at Hogwarts. Remus had to fight off the stray tears that threatened to spill as he finally got up off the bed. He didn’t care that Sirius wanted to sleep somewhere else. Why did it even matter?

The bed opposite him, now inhabited by the illusive Sirius had the curtains drawn, no light coming from them at all. Remus knew there was no point trying to talk to Sirius tonight. Instead, he unpacked his items in silence before changing and climbing into bed himself.

He would try to talk to Pads tomorrow. Maybe then they could fix this.

* * *

Remus did not manage to talk to Sirius the next day. In fact, he was unable to talk to him for a whole week. The week had been hectic, with the sixth years having to decide their N.E.W.T subjects. Remus’ meeting had gone as well as he thought it would, with both him and McGonagall seemingly frustrated at Remus’ lack of future plans.

_‘So Mr. Lupin, you did well in your O.W.L’s which gives you a lot of options for the N.E.W.T’s. It’s important that you choose subjects that will help you with your future career choice. Have you thought about what you would like to do after you finish your schooling?’_

_Remus had shrugged. He had no idea. McGonagall had been patient at first._

_‘Surely you have some idea Remus. You are smart boy; you would do well in many vocations. Have you considered healing?’_

_Remus had rolled his eyes._

_‘Yes, because being healed by a werewolf is on everyone’s wish list’_

By the end of the short conversation, both him and McGonagall were so fed up that between them, they simply picked all of the subjects that he was eligible for and that McGonagall deemed worthy enough subjects

_‘You will do Defence, Potions, Charms, Transfiguration obviously, herbology, duelling, care of magical creatures and also do the apparition training. It is not negotiable Mr. Lupin and by our next meeting you will have some ideas of what you would like to do as a career. Am I clear?’_

_Remus could only nod and take his now full timetable. He had a lot of lessons but that worked in his favour really. He hated sitting around doing nothing. He mumbled an apology before leaving for his first lesson, leaving Professor McGonagall to rub her head in distress and wonder if 9 am was too early to start drinking._

Remus had been enjoying his lessons this year, sharing every single class with at least one of the other Marauders. Although so far, every lesson with Sirius had been tense and awkward. True, Sirius had sat with him when it was just the two of them, but Remus wholly believed that was because he simply did not wish to be bothered by anyone else. Remus was not sure what to do and so, found himself discussing the situation with Lily in Herbology, avoiding telling her about the original incident.

‘Well, you need to figure out why he’s being off in the first place. Are you sure you didn’t do anything? He’s quite sensitive isn’t her?’ Lily had asked whilst they started planting their Herbology project, a magical plant called tranquilitas-remissium that both of them argued was an important medical study whilst slyly grinning at each other behind Professor Sprout’s back.

‘I don’t know, that’s the issue. He won’t stay long enough for me to ask’ Remus replied, adding more dragon dung fertiliser to their growing bed.

Lily paused for a second, pondering. She carried on working as she thought about a solution and Remus patiently waited for her to figure it out, eager for any help at all. Towards the end of the lesson, Lily suddenly spoke up.

‘You need to let him come to you. He gets defensive when he feels vulnerable doesn’t, he? So, let him think it’s his idea for you two to be mates again. Act normal and then he will too.’

And with that, she was gone, leaving Remus to ponder whether or not her advice was actually helpful at all.

Later that night, Remus found himself alone in the common room, waiting for James and Frank to finish their late quidditch practice. Peter was no-where to be seen to and Remus suspected that he was at one of the extra clubs that the school offered, hoping that Quidditch would cover up his secret. Remus knew that this opportunity came only once in a while and decided to take advantage of it.

Drawing the curtains to his bed, Remus shrugged off his t-shirt and trousers, leaving him in just his underwear. Quickly grabbing his wand, he quickly cast a silencing charm just in case anyone came into the room. Relaxing against his pillows, Remus began to run his hands down his stomach, feeling the musculature that was just apparent on his body now. He knew now was not the time to be romantic about it, he just needed to release the building tension he had since that night in the cabin. A hand grasped firmly around his shaft, Remus tried valiantly to think of anything but the way that Sirius had looked that night, his pale skin glistening in the moonlight, sweaty from the hunt with the wolf. Images flashed behind his eyes as he pumped his fist quickly. Remus imagined what would have happened had Sirius not ran off, would they have gone further? Remus imagined Sirius’ hand on him instead, tentative and curious. Remus remembered how he had looked just before he ran off, dazed and flushed, lips swollen from their rough kiss. He looked beautiful. Remus could feel the coiling of his stomach and a part of him felt sick that he was doing this, despite not knowing if Sirius had wanted it at all.

That thought stopped him in his tracks. What the fuck was he doing?

Remus released himself suddenly, in shock of his own actions. Here he was, wanking to the image of his dazed friend, how he had looked after Remus had forced himself onto him.

Remus sat there until his body had calmed down and then he stood, pulling his trousers back on. As he went to his trunk, squatting down to find a clean t-shirt, the door opened behind him and he heard someone suddenly stop. Remus stayed still, giving Sirius the chance to leave if he wanted. However, he didn’t. He just stood there, in silence. Remus could feel that his body was tense, and he felt vulnerable being without his t-shirt. As he began rifling through his trunk again, Sirius finally spoke.

‘How was herbology?’

After a week of silence, this is what he chose to go with. Not an apology for ignoring Remus for a week or for yelling at him on the train….just a fucking question about Herbology.

‘It was fine’. A short answer was all he was getting.

‘Oh. Good….Lily said you had managed to convince Sprout to let you grow that magic Weed plant….how’d you manage that you sly dog?’ Sirius chuckled but it sounded forced to Remus, like he was trying too hard.

Remus just shrugged, grabbing his t-shirt and standing back up from the trunk.

‘Well…sounds like a cool project...hey, did you wanna be partners for due…’

Remus cut him off then

‘What the fuck is going on?’

‘Huh?’

Remus huffed.

‘So how is it that you can ignore me for a week for no reason and now, suddenly, you wanna be all matey-matey again, wanting to be partners. What the fuck is happening Pads?!’

Remus knew that he had come across more angry than he had wanted, but quite frankly he was confused and fed up with this sudden change of attitude from Sirius. Sirius seemed surprised by the sudden anger too as he recoiled physically. Remus didn’t give Sirius a chance to respond, instead continuing on with his angry rant

‘Like fuck Sirius, if you don’t want to be friends anymore that’s fucking fine, but you can’t suddenly decide everything is fine and you wanna be mates again, just because James or Peter aren’t around to entertain you. I’m fine if you fucking hate me and can’t stand to be in the same fucking room as me for some fucking reason but don’t you think I deserve to know why you can’t stand me all of a sudden rather than simply deciding I’m not worth your fucking time anymore?’

Remus was breathing heavily now, his hand clutching his t-shirt so hard that his knuckles were white. Sirius had gone pale, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to formulate his answer. Remus didn’t want his pathetic excuses. He slammed down his t-shirt onto the bed and moved to go into the shared bathroom. As he got to the door, he paused. He was just going to throw it out there.

‘Is it because I kissed you?’

‘Huh?’

‘do you hate me now because I kissed you that night? Is that the issue?’

‘….you remember that?’

Remus turned to Sirius. He looked scared, his eyes shifting around. Remus’ felt disgusting. Sirius clearly felt so horrified by the idea of the kiss that he was scared someone was going to walk in and hear them. Remus knew it. He had thought it was the wolf thing but that didn’t make sense, why would Sirius have offered to run with him? To become an Animagus to help him if he hated the fact that Remus was a wolf?

No. clearly, Sirius was uncomfortable with the fact that Remus was gay. He had thought it was fine, Sirius had come to the club with them a few weeks back and seemed ok. Didn’t he? Well, no maybe he hadn’t. After seeing Remus with the other guy, Sirius had acted weird and been strange for the rest of the night. Maybe Sirius had convinced himself he was ok with Remus’ sexuality but seeing it in action had caused him to realise just how uncomfortable with it he was. Then Remus had kissed him and pushed his disgusting agenda onto Sirius.

‘Look, I’m sorry I kissed you. I don’t know why I did…the wolf…I get weird when it’s the full moon…it’s not an excuse but….i just… It didn’t mean anything ok. But I get it, it’s weird and disgusting and I know it’s not normal and I get that you probably don’t want a fag touching you or whatever and I…’

‘I don’t care that you’re gay Moony.’

‘You don’t?’

‘No, of course not. I don’t give a fuck who you fancy.’

‘Then why?’

Sirius didn’t answer. He looked like he was arguing with himself, trying to decide how to approach the question. Remus felt conflicted by this, was Sirius trying to find a nice way of saying something horrible? Was he trying to decide if he wanted to be Remus friend at all?

‘I…I just was weirded out for a while yanno…not every day you get kissed by your mate…I’m sorry for being weird…can we just…’

‘Ignore it? Pretend it never happened?’

‘Yes!’

‘…Ok. It never happened. Can we go back to being mates now?’

Sirius smirked now.

‘Depends.’

Remus looked confused. Depends? What did that mean?

‘On what?’

‘On whether you will be my partner for the duelling….unless you’re scared im gonna kick your ass’

‘You fucking wish. I hope you like the taste of mud Padfoot because you will be eating the dirt once I’m done’

The boys began laughing, almost maniacally, the last embers of tension slipping away. Maybe, just maybe they could go back to normal now and Remus would slowly forget how nice it had felt to have Sirius’ lips pressed against his own.

* * *

After a couple of weeks, the air around the group returned to normal. Even Evans was talking to James again, although she remained a lot more distant from him now. It was a shame really as James had been making such progress with Lily, almost to the point where Sirius was sure that Lily had been flirting with him.

This new distance did not deter James, however. In fact, he had made it his new mission in life to win his way into the red-head’s heart and become the power couple that they were destined to be. Sirius chuckled to himself, as much as she probably didn’t want to admit it, Lily and James were a perfect match. Both were attractive, intelligent and stubborn as heck and together, they could conquer the world. Sirius wanted that for them, wanted to see his brother happy, because James was a good guy and deserved that happiness.

Sirius thought about himself, did he deserve happiness too? The school was now rife with rumours about the Black heir and his traitorous ways, being cast away from the family, at risk of being disowned completely. Whilst on the surface, he could remain stoic and cool, Sirius was heartbroken by what was happening. As much as they were vile people, he was a Black by blood and that held a lot in this world. Sirius wondered if Muggles were too obsessed with the idea of tradition and honour and bloodlines, just as Wizards were. Sirius hoped not, as some people in this world had to be sane! Sirius thought about what his life would have been like had he not been pure blood. What would he be like if he had Muggle parents like Evans or was a half-blood like Remus. Would he be happier? He couldn’t say for sure.

The thought of Remus made his stomach knot. After their conversation in the common room, everything had seemingly gone back to normal. Remus kept to his word, simply acting like they hadn’t kissed over summer, simply acting as though nothing out of the blue had happened at all. They had been busy, starting their projects that would take them through to their N.E.W.T’s and that probably helped allow things to ease back to normal. Remus was spending a lot more time with Lily now, their herbology project coming along and Sirius and James had just started their Potions project, dedicating the time to developing a potion that would lesson Remus’ pain at the full moon. Not that they would tell him this of course, not until they had something to show for it anyway. Luckily for Sirius, James was good at Potions and therefore, they had made good progress all ready. The class was small, only the top percentage of Potions students being accepted, and Sirius was surprised he had made the cut to be quite honest. He was sure that it had less to do with his talents and more to do with his name, old Slughorn being a sucker for a strong heritage.

The Potions dungeon today was hot, too hot for Sirius. He had taken off his robes and jumper, rolling the sleeves up of his shirt. James himself looked like he would pass out, however refused to alter his uniform in anyway, stating that his ‘sources’ had told him that Lily liked a well kempt guy. Sirius did not have the heart to tell him that his hair was sticking up in random directions, giving him the appearance of a deranged St. Mungo’s patient. Instead, he pulled his long hair into a bun, using his wand to keep it out of his face. Hopefully, he wouldn’t need it today.

Slughorn had set them a challenge. In pairs, they would have to make half a Potion. Another group had the other half and as a four, they would have to successfully brew the Potion to completion to work out what it was. Sounded simple enough. They had luckily been paired with Remus and Lily, who had instantly started decoding their ingredients, trying to figure out what it could be.

James had taken one look before announcing he knew the answer. Sirius had looked at the parchment for ages, trying desperately to find the secret to the puzzle that James seemingly prophesised out of thin air.

‘Mate, stop glaring at the sheet and pass me that vial.’ James looked fully cocky about his ability to instantly be able to brew a potion. Sirius had a suspicion that they brewing a Potter Concoction, a little joke of Slughorn’s.

Sirius handed over the vial, a frothy pink substance that kind of made Sirius want to drink it.

‘What even is this?’ he asked, sniffing the vial as he passed it. ‘Smells like Dorcas.’

James laughed a hearty laugh, not answering as he poured it in the Cauldron carelessly. The potion made a high-pitched whizzing sound which made James grin.

‘Potion is looking good man. You ready to tag in? I’ve done the harder bit so should be straightforward now’.

Sirius quite honestly didn’t want to tag in and finish the potion. He was quite content with letting James get the credit for all of it. James was the one going on to become an Alchemy apprentice, working under Nicholas Flammel himself. Sirius knew what his talents were wasn’t ashamed to admit Potions wasn’t one of them. He had only taken it for N.E.W.T as the Curse-Breaker Guild wanted it on paper. Nevertheless, Sirius enjoyed the potions class anyway, getting to spend time with his friends and laughing when Peter, who definitely only managed to pass onto this class as a fluke, blew up yet another cauldron.

James directed Sirius on what to do next, leaving him to stir the potion for a few minutes while he wrote up their process. During this mundane time, Sirius found himself looking over the rest of the class. There wasn’t many of them in there. Only twelve of them from the whole year. The snobby twatbag Malfoy was in the corner, snapping at his chubby partner. Goyle, Sirius believed. Then there were two Hufflepuff girls, both fairly attractive. The more attractive one looked up as Sirius skimmed the room and he threw her a wink. She blushed heavily, looking down. He would catch up with her later. Then Longbottom’s girlfriend, Alice was at the front of the class, with a Ravenclaw boy he didn’t recognise. In front of him was Peter who had been ditched and left to go with Snape. They weirdly seemed to be getting on ok and Sirius didn’t know how to feel about that. He would have to keep an eye on it. Finally, his eyes landed on Remus, who looked thoroughly overwhelmed. Sirius knew out of everyone, Remus was the least likely to be on this course, having passionately ranted about his hate for Potions since first year. The fact that he was in here now was laughable. Lily had kindly partnered with him, determined to see him pass the course under her firm, guiding hand. Remus and Lily had developed a strange relationship, in which Lily thoroughly mothered Remus as though he was a stray kitten she had found out in the rain. They were like siblings, looking out for each other. Sirius wondered what would happen if she found out about Remus and his….problem. would she accept him? Sirius wasn’t sure. Muggles had little experience with Werewolves and when discussed, they were only known as some horrible fictional monster. Lily had more reason to be scared of the lanky boy than anyone else really. Whilst wizards were known to dislike Lycans, the idea of them existing must be horrifying to a muggle born.

‘Pads….Pads!’

Sirius shook out of his daze, looking directly at Remus who was panickily waving for his attention.

‘Sirius, your potion is bubbling over!’

Lily had come running forward now, her wand pointed at the cauldron, making the violent bubble relax into a simmer.

‘Shit! Sorry, I was…..’

‘Distracted as usual.’ Sirius looked at Remus who was smirking at him knowingly. Damn him and his cute smir….cute? where the fuck did that come from? Remus was not cute. Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit, despite the stray lock of hair falling into his face.

James had come running over then, seeing that Lily was near their table. However, what he hadn’t counted for was that Peter would leave his bag on the floor, despite Slughorn having a strict no bags in the room rule. James tripped, crashing headfirst into the table. The potion went flying. In a flash, Sirius had pulled his wand out of his hair, pointing it at the Cauldron and yelling

_‘Immobulus’_

The Cauldron and Potion froze, suspended in mid-air. Another flick of his wand and a mutter and Sirius brought the potion back down, contained back into the cauldron. It landed gracefully on the stand. Everyone paused, not wanting to move. Then suddenly,

‘Could you be any more stupid Potter?’ the sentence was punctuated by a hearty cackle. Lily was red in the face, unable to contain her mirth. James, who had finally stood up was so pink in the face that he couldn’t have had blood in any other part of his body. He scratched his head as he laughed.

‘Ah, sorry…. Clumsy me….’

Lily was overcome with glee, her beautiful laugh radiating across the classroom. Slughorn, who had just entered the class, looked perplexed for a second before a large grin appeared beneath his large moustache.

‘What has gotten Miss Evans all riled up then hey?’ The man chuckled.

Lily tried to speak but nothing, but a wheeze came out. None of the others spoke for her, letting her calm down naturally. Finally, when she was calm enough, she rasped out,

‘Sorry, Professor….Ja….James….James is just really funny is all’

James looked in that moment that he had died and gone to heaven. Progress.

* * *

_They were kissing. Sirius was overcome with the feeling of Remus’ mouth, hot and wet against his own. Remus had shifted, pushing Sirius onto his back as they continued to kiss passionately. Remus abandoned Sirius’ lips, instead drifting to his thin neck, his tongue teasing over Sirius’ skin. It felt good. Really good. Remus’ hand, the one that wasn’t holding him up, was gently teasing the skin of Sirius’ bare chest. Each finger gently tickling over a rib, almost melodically, like he was playing Sirius’ body like a harp._

_Sirius’ hand went to Remus hair, running his long fingers though it, trying not to get them tangled too much. He didn’t want to accidentally pull it and hurt Remus. Remus’s lips were at his collar bone, nipping gently. His hand had moved lower, stroking the soft skin of Sirius’ stomach, a finger running through the downy hair at his naval. Sirius was reacting to this, his body feeling unusual. He had only felt this a couple of times before and he wasn’t sure how to react. Was this a normal reaction._

_Remus seemed to believe so, the back of his hand brushing over Sirius’ lap. He smiled at what he felt, Sirius could feel the grin against his clavicle. This spurned Remus on and his hand drifted lightly further. Sirius could feel the pressure of his fingers, resting just at the top of where the blanket lay. His breath hitched. Remus smiled once more and let his fingertips dip under the edge of the blanket. Sirius held his breath as Remus’ hand suddenly dipped, grabbing firmly at…_

Sirius suddenly woke, his body flying upwards. His breathing was heavy and laboured as though he had just run a marathon. Feeling hot, Sirius pushed the blankets roughly off his body, undoing the satin shirt of his pyjamas and throwing it off his heated skin.

That was the fourth night this week. Why did he keep having these dreams? Every night they seemed to get worse. Sirius shuffled, his body feeling tense and tight. He looked down, seeing his tented trousers and groaned. It happened again. What the fuck was happening to his body?

Sirius’ body had never reacted this way before. Sure, he knew it was normal… at least, he presumed it was a normal thing. But why now? Sirius moved his trousers, looking down into the darkness beneath them, glaring at his penis.

‘Fuck off’ he muttered. He needed this….thing to disappear. It felt weird… his stomach was tight and there was a strange pressure there. How did he get rid of it? He considered waking up James to ask but stopped himself abruptly. He couldn’t show this to James?! That would be weird!

He willed it to go down, thinking about anything he could. He thought about James and Quidditch and plants and Marlene – this didn’t help. In fact, it twitched at that thought – but to no avail. He wasn’t sure what to do now.

Finally, he decided he needed to get up. maybe cold water would help. He shuffled as quietly as possible to the end of the bed, trying to not to knock it any way. He drew back the curtains quickly, stopping suddenly. Remus’ was still awake, a light on behind his own curtained bed.

Sirius stopped for a second. Should he ask Remus to help? No! it was dreaming of Remus that got him into this predicament in the first place. No, he would deal with it himself and then he would sleep and forget all about it. He shifted, silently standing up. in doing so, the fabric of his trousers brushed over his aching cock and he moaned. Cursing himself, he paused, waiting to see if he had woken anyone or disturbed Remus. No-one shifted and he let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Trying to take a step, he paused again. His trousers were making it worse.

Fuck. Fuck. Shit

Each step he took was sending jolts of pleasure through his body.

_No wonder guys enjoyed sex if the slightest touch can make you feel like this_

When he got to the bathroom, he quietly latched the door, rushing over to the sink. Leaning against it, Sirius shoved his hand down his trousers, trying to relieve some pressure. Grabbing himself firmly, he groaned again. The pressure wasn’t helping.

He pushed the trousers over his hips, letting them drop to the floor, kicking them off of his feet. The stark cold seemed to help, shocking his body. He felt himself twitch at the temperature change. Looking down, Sirius eyed himself. He had never really considered his own body before but looking now, he could see all of the changes that had occurred. His chest and stomach were slightly hairier now and he had lines from where his hips started, leading all the way down to….it. It also had hair, and was stood, like a soldier to attention, waiting….for something.

Sirius was unsure of how to approach this. Pure blood families had traditions and therefore, sexual education was not something that many received from their parents. Therefore, at the age of 15, Sirius stood, glaring at his erect penis at a complete loss of what to do.

He carefully tapped it, watching it move slightly. He grabbed it again. It felt pretty good.

He squeezed, hoping the pressure would release the tension in his body. It did nothing. Loosening his grip, his hand slipped, his tight fist sliding to the head. Fuck. That did feel good.

He let go suddenly, remembering a distant memory of his past.

_Only perverts fondle themselves like the dirty peasants they are. The only hand you will need as an adult will be the hand of your wife._

Sirius suddenly felt a bit sick. Was he really a pervert. He had been dreaming of his friend? He had been dreaming of gay kissing with his friend, a recreation of an amazing kiss- that most definitely didn’t happen of course. He had to remember that. It didn’t happen. They were just mates. Mates who didn’t kiss.

He shook his head; he couldn’t think about that again or he would set it off once more. Looking down, he noticed that it had softened slightly.

Thank Merlin.

He decided to wet his face with some cold water and wait it out. Finally, when he was sure the situation was rectified, he used the toilet and washed his hands. unlocking the door, he noted that Remus light was now off. Standing there, in the pitch dark, he was acutely aware of the fact that he was stood, stark bollock naked in the boys’ dormitory. He had to rush back to his bed before anyone woke up and caught him standing there, staring into the abyss with his knob out. Using his hands to cover his junk, he made a quick dash towards the bed. Diving onto the mattress, he quickly drew the curtains. Trying not to make any noise, Sirius shuffled back under the covers. Listening out in the darkness, Sirius finally drifted off, this time into a dreamless sleep, the only sign of his nightly escapades being the silk trousers, still lying on the bathroom floor. 


	10. A Friendship Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus recovers from the Full Moon and his friends rally around him to support and protect him. Sirius introduces something to the group that will change their dynamic forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Another day, Another Chapter. 
> 
> WARNING: this chapter includes a lot of references to drugs, mainly Cannabis. if you don't like then don't read!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

_He sniffed the air, trying to catch the scent of his prey. They had evaded him again. They had put up a good fight tonight, making him give chase to them over the past few hours. The large one had almost been his, only evading him through a swift headbutt to his body, the sharp antlers scraping against his fur, knocking him backwards with force. Shaking himself off, he had risen once more but the creature had escaped, its lithe body fading into the darkness. Feeling a slight pain, he crouched over, trying to regain his energy._

_Suddenly, a crack was heard through the trees and his head snapped up, nose rising to the air once more. He had caught the scent once more. Prowling, he made his ways through the trees, skirting around where he knew the prey was laying low, preserving energy. Sitting still, he waited until the canine had slumped low, exhausted from their previous chase, before making his move. Once its head had dropped, he dove forward, teeth sinking into the dog’s leg. The animal let out a high screech, struggling and attempting to escape from his strong grasp. The dog snapped, its own teeth close to his face, diving down towards his throat. This made him quickly release the dog, shuffling backwards. He stood, facing the animal, both of them stood, hackles raised as they prowled around each other._

_Then, without warning, a foreign sensation flowed through his body. His strong legs suddenly feeling wobbly and his senses seemed to weaken. He was frail. Vulnerable. He needed to escape. Now. His gold eyes snapped to the canine and they made eye contact for a second. The dog looked at him, almost knowingly. Like he could sense the wolf had a weakness. However, rather than taking advantage of this, pouncing for the kill, the dog settled down. With one final look, the dog sprinted away towards the sparse areas of the forest, to where civilisation lay._

_He needed to find somewhere to hide, to lay low so he could heal and replenish. Using the last of his energy, he sprinted without thinking, his body guiding him to a place that seemed familiar. As he moved, his body crunched and snapped, making him stumble. Finally, he stopped, the pain taking over, not allowing him to move any more. His neck snapped backwards, his snout descending back into his head agonisingly. He howled, the sound becoming strangled as his vocal cord tightened, his neck shrinking down. His knees snapped, knocking him to the floor. His fur began to shed, leaving bald patches behind. The agony he felt was unfathomable, as though his body was being ripped apart and re-fused. His ribs felt like they were on fire, the cold stabbing at his now bare skin and his body felt weaker, smaller and more exposed to the night air. His senses were dull now, his eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness which he had once ruled over. He felt sluggish, he needed warmth. Dragging his weak body towards the large tree, the branches swished dangerously at him. Using the large branch, he found on the floor, he stabbed at a knot at the base of the tree and the branches suddenly froze, leaving an opening exposed. His bare feet slipped on the mud as he traversed down the winding tunnel and upon reaching the rough floorboards, the now human boy collapsed into the small pile of blankets on the floor, falling unconscious from the pain and exhaustion that rattled his now weak, bare body._

* * *

Remus awoke, feeling the cold and rough floorboards beneath his sore body. Pain rippled though him, a dull ache at his ribs as he stretched. These full moons were getting worse and worse each month, the maturing wolf draining his human body as the transformation took place. He lay on the floor, head lolling back as he adjusted to the morning light. Still feeling some effects of the wolf, slowly draining his body, Remus attempted to ground himself. His eyes glanced around the room, the blurriness fading as he tried to find something to focus on. In the corner, there was a faded blue piece of fabric and he focused on this, looking at the different shades of the colour which he saw. His ears rang for a second before he could hear the soft chirping of the birds that flittered around the Willow. He could feel the wood beneath his back and smell the dampness that seeped through the derelict building and he could taste the faint metallic taste of blood, dripping down to his chapped lips.

A shaky hand reached up to his face, wiping it and seeing the stain of red as he brought his fingers away. Great, he thought. Another scar for everyone to see. How would he explain this one? He would have to come up with something creative. His hand dropped back down heavily his fingertips feeling around for the edge of the scratchy blanket and pulling it up to mostly cover himself as he resigned himself to wait. This was the worst part of the full moons at Hogwarts. He could almost deal with the awkwardness surrounding the lead up to the full moon, controlling his urges and changing body and sneaking off the night of, without anyone noticing. He could even manage the questions about him missing lessons, having to ask for notes and homework from classmates and pitying looks from the teachers. The worst part was here, lying naked and cold on the floor of the Shrieking Shack for the poor school nurse to arrive and care for him.

Nurse Pomfrey was lovely, don’t get him wrong. She was a soft and caring woman, training to take over from the Matron Nurse. She was professional and kind and had looked after Remus from his first moon at Hogwarts and Remus fully appreciated her passion and skills for healing. The issue was, at the age of fifteen, Remus did not quite fancy anyone, particularly a woman and no offence to her, having to touch his naked body. He wasn’t ashamed of his body in human form, finding that he was actually maturing quite well, with nothing to be insecure about, however he was acutely aware of the issues that could… _arise_ in the mornings, particularly when he had been in Wolf form as his transformations often made his body all the more unpredictable.

The first time it had happened, Remus was sure he was going to die of shame. As drastic as it sounded – and Remus was fully aware that it did – the idea of being aroused in any form in front of a member of staff was an unbearable situation. Nurse Pomfrey herself had not reacted in horror as Remus had, simply chucking quietly as she reassured him that it was quite normal in young men, especially young Werewolves and that it wasn’t the most embarrassing encounter she had been privy to during her training as a healer. She had calmed Remus’ nerves, recounting stories of embarrassing incidents she had witnessed at St. Rooks Training Hospital. The two other times it had happened, she had simply ignored the situation altogether, instead asking him about his studies.

Although this was a significant issue for the boy, nothing was worse to Remus than the times in which morning would arrive and Remus would still be half in wolf-form. He was sure that during these times, he looked horrifying and acted in such an animalistic way that it would send most people running. Often, these wolf induced states of delirium would lead Remus to doing or saying embarrassing or weird things. Quite often, he was sure that he had probably tried to bite or lick the nurse, the need for food still urgent in the hybrid form. Other times, his sense of speech would return before his mental capacity for reasoning or logic, leading to Remus to spill secrets and talk nonsense. Remus recalled one of these times, in which he had bluntly outed himself to the nurse, with no preamble or justification. Once he had loudly blurted out his sexual preference, he had paused, his sense of verbal boundaries suddenly returning. He had waited for her reaction, for a response, a recoil of disgust. However, she had smiled softly and spoke of her brother and his coming out to her and his relationship with a particularly well known Quidditch player from Ireland.

A soft knock sounded out, making Remus focus back into the present. Turning his head to the door, Remus saw the soft woman at the door, the wood hanging from the hinges, creaking as she pushed it aside. Face turned down to give some sense of privacy, she called out softly

‘Hello Remus, are you ok?’

Remus huffed out a laugh, wet from the blood dripping into his mouth. Was he ok? No, he was butt naked on the floor of a shack on the outskirts of his school after a night of hunting his friends for sport in body of a wolf. Poetic really. Remus croaked out his reply,

‘Hello…never felt better…’ he rasped, his sarcastic nature seeping out despite his body protesting to every micro-movement he made.

Coming into the room, Nurse Pomfrey set about, opening the tattered curtain and letting light into the darkened room. She hummed as she moved, a soft melodic tone that made Remus feel comforted, as though his own mother was singing him a lullaby. She knelt down next to him, placing her bag near his arm. She pulled his blanket more firmly around him, protecting his modesty as she looked at his face, assessing the damage. She gently pushed his hair from his face to get a look at the cut there, a look of unfettered focus in her eyes.

She used her wand to cast a spell, cleaning the blood and muck from his face, leaving her with a better view of the cut.

‘Pain level today?’ she asked, dabbing at his cut with a dittany covered cloth she had grabbed from her bag, being careful not to apply too much pressure to the open wound.

‘8’ came the rasped reply. Remus’ throat felt hoarse and unused, making him sound like an aged hermit who had no human contact in years.

She nodded, reaching into her bag once more and pulling out several vials, corked and labelled in scrawly handwriting. She pulled out a small metal cup, no bigger than a shot glass and laid it on the floor. As she began to shake the red vial, its contents becoming darker as she did, she explained what she was doing.

Remus had always found this gesture very comforting. As a boy, he had been the subject of many experimental procedures, each attempting to remove the curse from his infant body. Throughout these experiments, Remus would often be prodded at, poked, fed disgusting and unfamiliar potions. He was often sick as a result, leaving his body weaker and less adjusted when the next full moon came around. Remus often wondered why his mother let this go on for so long, let these strangers, friends of his father use him as test subject to help curb their morbid fascination. He had felt like a rabid animal during these times, being treated as though he was too inferior, too stupid to comprehend what was being done to him. Nurse Pomfrey was not like these wizards. She would always ask permission to touch him, to heal his many wounds. If he were unconscious and she had to urgently heal him, she would write down everything that she had done to heal him, only ever doing the most essential healings when he was not awake to consent. She would always explain what potions she was mixing, telling him about new ones she was trying and asking his consent to experiment. So far, she had never gone wrong, always finding the best solution to his pain and it helped him trust her without question.

‘So today we have got the Tranquillium potion as usual. I have just stopped the bleeding on your face with a basic Curatio dittany, like I always use, it’s just in a different bottle this time.’ She looked him in the eye for a second to check he was ok with this and following along. Remus nodded, smiling for her to continue. ‘So, I’m going to wait until the potion in a deep crimson and then we mix it with this blue one here, it’s a blood replenisher. Finally, we are going to add in a splash of this purple concoction I have. This one I made myself this morning. It’s a lovely mixture called Subortis Maximus. I gave Mr Potter some when he visited me at Sunrise. It’s to help replenish energy. He was looking a little exhausted, so I assumed you had a very active night huh?’ She smiled as she spoke, her eyes never leaving the potion as she mixed the amounts together into the metal cup. Hearing James being mentioned, Remus suddenly sprang into action

‘James? Is he ok? Was he hur…?’

‘Mr Potter is fine.’ Nurse Pomfrey answered him, a hand coming to his shoulder to gently push him back into a more comfortable position. ‘He was a little winded but no injuries…’ Remus opened his mouth to ask his next question but was cut off instantly. ‘Mr Black is also ok. He had a small bite on his ankle, but it is nicely healing and he wasn’t showing any signs of transformation’. She added the last bit hesitantly, knowing it was a sensitive subject.

Remus swallowed heavily. He had bitten his friend and risked turning him. He swallowed again before asking

‘Peter?’. Out of all of them, Peter was the most at risk of being killed. His rat Animagus was not the most useful against a wolf and a few times, they had come close to Peter being severely hurt or eaten by the wolf.

The nurse paused then, making Remus’ heart sink. Had he killed him? Would he get expelled? Arrested?

‘hmmm….’ She began. ‘I didn’t see him last night so I assumed he was uninjured. Mr Potter and Mr Black did not mention he had been hurt….’ She paused once more and looked Remus in the eyes. ‘Do not worry. I will send word to the castle and get the Matron to request his presence and check him over. Give me a moment.’ She handed Remus the now mixed potion, standing to move away to send a message to the castle. As she moved, she called back,

‘Drink up Remus. It should work quickly and relieve some pain’

Remus tipped the vial into his mouth, instantly feeling a sense of calm as it trickled down his throat, leaving a warmth behind. After around twenty seconds, he felt a sudden surge of energy, feeling much more like himself than he had in days. The nurse returned quickly, getting back to healing Remus.

‘Right, just a couple of ribs on the right-hand side, clean breaks so no Skele-Grow needed. I’ll fix these up with my wand, you might hear and feel a pop, but it should stop the pain…’ Remus thought that bones popping into place was something that a nurse should be less flippant about but nevertheless sat still as the nurse pointed her wand at him, bracing for the familiar pop. Finally breathing deeply, Remus felt instantly more comfortable, although a dull pain remained.

‘…slight muscle tear in the left thigh… ready for the spell?’ Remus nodded. ‘3,2,1... _Internum Sutura…_ that should heal nicely within a few hours but will be still for up to three days… small gash on the right side of the forehead… spell again…3,2,1 _Sutura…_ that is looking good, shouldn’t scar at all so that’s positive…’. She instructed him to turn around, giving her access to his back. Helping him to stand, sheet wrapped around his waist, she checked his legs and feet. Finally, she asked him the question he always hated

‘Any genital injuries? Or internal pain back there?’ Remus shook his head, blushing. He knew she was asking to be thorough, as wolves were often reckless in their attempts to mate, however Remus found the whole concept of any personal talk to be highly distressing whilst he stood naked in front of her. She helped him sit down once more.

‘Right…I think that be everything today Remus…not as bad as it could be…a lot better than some of your other months, however I bet you are feeling very sore.’ She pulled out a smaller brown pouch, opening it to show vial pouches and a larger space to fill. ‘I’ll give you some pain-relieving potions, nothing sedative. I’ve given you enough for the week, one before breakfast, one before bed as usual ok? I’ll also give you this salve, its for muscle and joint pain, apply it to the sore areas as needed. If you start to itch or get a rash, come straight to the hospital wing ok darling?’

Remus nodded once more, shifting to sit more comfortably, his blanket firmly over his lap. Looking around, he tried to spot if the nurse had brought his clothes for him as he was getting cold and fed up with sitting naked. Nurse Pomfrey noticed this and stated

‘When Mr Black left the wing, he asked if he could bring you some clothing. I thought this would be acceptable. He should be here soon’

Within a few minutes, this came true. Remus had been sat watching the nurse pack her supplies back into her deceptively large bag when he heard the rumble of conversation from the tunnel. Hearing the swoosh of the trees, a quiet curse and laughter, Remus chuckled. The voices got louder though the tunnel before James’ voice called out

‘Honeyyyyyy, I’m hooooooome’. Trust James to make a joke out of the whole situation, a notion that did weirdly comfort Remus. If his friends were weird around him, tiptoeing and pitying him, the whole situation would be way more uncomfortable. They two boys came into the shack, dressed in their uniforms. James instantly sat in the old dusty armchair, legs dangling over the arm whilst Sirius came padding over, dropping down onto the floor next to Remus and throwing an arm over his shoulder

‘Moony!’ morning, how are you? You actually don’t look dead this time!’

Remus replied in a deadbeat tone. ‘I feel dead though’

Sirius laughed a hearty laugh. James rolled his eyes, replying

‘all right you negative nelly! We brought you some clothes, I wanted to bring you pyjamas, but Pads said you would want actual clothes.’ Remus smiled at Sirius. As much as Pyjamas felt heavenly right now, Remus didn’t want to draw any attention to himself as they made their way up to the common room.

The boys waited in the tunnel for Remus to get dressed and when he was ready, the nurse guided him out to the base of the Whomping Willow. There, she left him in the hands of Sirius and James, with a stern reminder to take his potions. James took the potions whilst Sirius weaved an arm around Remus’ waist and together, they walked back to the castle.

Once in the castle, James handed over the potions and rushed off to his Alchemy class, a letter of excuse in his fist as he sprinted away. Sirius and Remus made their way slowly to the common room, Sirius filling in the chatter as they strolled

‘Saw Pete skulking around when I got back from the hospital wing, I don’t understand why he still come out with us. He only runs away after transforming…. Did you have many injuries? I think James caught you with his Antlers….’

‘Yeah, two banged ribs….how’s your ankle? Did I bite you? You have to be careful Pads, I could accidentally tur…’

‘we’ve spoke about this Moons, as long as I’m in dog form, I’ll be fine’

‘We don’t know that for sure though!’

‘well, I’m not turning furry every full moon, am I? so I must be right!’

Remus huffed. He hated how flippant his friends could be about this. If he turned one of them, he didn’t know what he would do. It would ruin him. No-one deserved to go through this pain every month.

Once they got to the room, Sirius helped get Remus into pyjamas and then into bed. On the bedside table, a house elf had already delivered breakfast, still piping hot and a cup of tea. Sirius added the potions to the side and tucked Remus in. Sirius had this habit of flapping around Remus after a full moon, clearly feeling very helpless about the whole situation. Whilst wholly endearing, Remus found the whole situation very frustrating and just wished Sirius would leave for his class. He appreciated it, he really did but Remus couldn’t help but think that he was so undeserving of this attention, especially from Sirius who was still slightly limping from his bite.

Once he couldn’t find anything else to do, after fixing the curtains, plumping pillows and re-folding all of Remus’ clothes, Sirius just stood there next to the bed. In the end, Remus had to tell him to piss off, kindly of course, stating he had lived 15 years so far without Sirius mothering him and would continue to do so just fine. So, Sirius finally sloped off, finally leaving Remus to take his potion, have his breakfast and fall into a deep slumber.

* * *

When Remus awoke, mid-afternoon, he felt as though his body was on fire. Even turning his head felt like agony and Remus felt sense of panic at being immobilised in his pain. He was thirsty, needed the toilet and was highly uncomfortable, yet the soaring pain flowing through his body was enough to make him want to simply lay there in distress. Luckily, this was only a temporary fix as a hesitant knock on the door roused him from his internal struggle. The soft, feminine voice called through

‘Remus, are you awake?’

Lily. Remus thanked all of the higher deities that may exist for this girl. He called for her to enter, his voice wobbling as he did so. Sensing this urgency, Lily rushed into the dorms, straight over to his bed, her face one of pure concern.

‘Oh Remus! Honey, you look dreadful…let me help you’

She helped him to sit up, watching his face contort in pain. Remus knew that he wasn’t hiding his emotions or reactions very well but he didn’t have the energy or ability to stop it. Lily looked overly concerned but had not yet asked him anything. She simply pulled over the pouch, grabbing a vial and swirling it once before uncorking it and passing it over. Remus drank it whilst Lily got up and grabbed him some water from the bathroom. Coming back, she handed over the drink which he gratefully took. As he took a swig of the drink, she casually asked

‘Is it normal for a Werewolf to get this hurt when they transform?’

Remus spat out his drink in shock. How did she know? Had James told her? He must have, no-one knew but the three of them and the staff and Remus didn’t think for a second any of the staff would have spilled the secret after all this time. Remus sputtered out some words, trying to find any excuse or reasoning for being so severely hurt.

‘I…na….Wha….Werewolf?’ He sputtered out, ‘I…I just...fell’

Lily raised an eyebrow, looking fully unimpressed by this pathetic excuse.

‘Fell?’ she repeated sceptically. Remus nodded dramatically, trying to convey that he also was shocked at the idea of him falling over anyway. She rolled her eyes before replying

‘So you are telling me’ she paused for emphasis. ‘that you…’ she pointed directly at Remus. ‘fall over every month, directly after the full moon and have to take days off?’ she finished this thought by crossing her arms over her chest, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

Remus knew there was no way around this. Lily knew…somehow. However, determined not to let up this façade, he unconvincingly replied,

‘…yes?’

Lily scoffed before laughing.

‘That is the worst attempt at making up an excuse I have ever heard’ she said haughtily. She laughed once more before settling down and sitting on the edge of his bed, careful not to knock him.

‘Remus…’ she began. She gently placed her hand on his leg, covered by the thick quilt. She stroked her hand over his shin, trying to comfort him. ‘It’s ok, I don’t care that you are a Werewolf. It doesn’t change who _you_ are.’ Remus felt himself tear up and tried to push the heavy feeling away, determined not to cry in front of Lily. He rasped out a thank you, turning his face away from her. She just sat there, stroking his shin comfortingly. After a few moments, he quietly asked

‘How long have you known?’. He wasn’t sure why this was important really but he needed to know.

‘Since last summer’ she replied, just as quietly. ‘when you weren’t in our charms O.W.L. I thought it was weird that you would miss an exam and it got me thinking about how much time you miss and then it clicked….’ She trailed off that that thought and Remus looked over at her. She was sat there, looking composed about it, however her eyes betrayed her nerves. She was clearly unsure about how Remus would respond to her knowing his secret and not mentioning it before. Remus decided to let it go and answer her first question

‘When Werewolves are young, they tend to have less control over their transformations. As you get older, you learn to control it, I think. Most Lycans eventually just live in a constant hybrid state because it’s easier than fully transforming... that adds to the fear I think…the way we can look’

Lily nodded, fully invested in knowing as much as she can about the situation. She clearly had questions ad Remus wanted to answer them for her. Lily was the smartest person he knew and she had a good heart. She wouldn’t take advantage of this knowledge.

‘How long does it take for you to recover?’ she asked next.

‘Depends on how hurt I got’

She nodded then, aware that it wasn’t an easy topic for him. Remus hoped she would let it go for now, as he was in pain and he didn’t want to think about anything. Her next question, therefore, came as a shock,

‘do you want to come get stoned with me and Kingsley?’

Remus wasn’t ever going to say no to an offer like this.

Lily helped him up, making the bed for him as he stretched his body. He heard his bones and joints cracking and he felt better now he was up. The potion was working a little, however he knew that a joint would work wonders right now. This is why he loved Lily Evans. The girl was smart. He nipped to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face while he was in there. When he came back out, Lily had gotten him some clean clothes, finding him the one pair of tracksuit bottoms he had and a baggy knitted jumper. Remus struggled to pull off his pyjamas, hissing in pain as the movement pulled at his ribs. Hearing this, Lily moved over and helped him pull off the t-shirt he was wearing and helped him to pull on the clean top and jumper. She turned away as changed his underwear and trousers, though he struggled with this task as well. Sitting on the bed, he let Lily help him pull socks on, trying not to feel embarrassed by being babied in this way. Lily, like Nurse Pomfrey, did not pay attention to this, simply helping him without question. Once he was dressed, he slipped on some trainers and then followed Lily out and down the stairs, each step causing a slight jolt of pain.

Once downstairs, Remus moved to sit on the sofa and wait for Lily to nip to the girls’ dorms. Remus always found it strange that while the boys could not enter the girls’ rooms, the stairs being enchanted to stop anyone who tried to climb them. However, Lily had just strolled into his room without a care. Remus wondered why that was in place and what would happen to someone like a drag performer or a transgender person or any of the other eccentric and amazing people he had met on his nights out in London. However, rules were rules and Remus was quite honestly that desperate to enter any of the girl’s rooms anyway. However, Lily did not share this rule abiding sentiment and simply pulled out her wand and jammed it into a small crevice next to the wall sconce. There was a loud clanking noise and then…nothing. Lily beckoned him over.

‘Come on then, I need to get my stuff’ she said before flouncing up the stairs without looking back. Remus hesitated. He really didn’t want to be hurt anymore when the stairs suddenly disappeared beneath his feet. However, he trusted that Lily knew what she was doing and so took the first brave step, breath held. He moved up the stairs as quickly as he could, however they remained firmly in place. When he got to the correct floor, he saw that the door was open waiting for him.

The girls’ rooms were virtually identical to the boys’, with the Scarlett and Gold colours being glaringly present in here as well. The main difference, Remus noted was that the girls were vastly neater with their belongings and the room smelled less like a locker room and more pleasing. Lily had moved next to the bed next to the door and was rummaging through a drawer of the bedside table. Remus moved over to the bed, sitting down on the soft cream blanket, draped over the bottom. Looking around, he was entranced by the assortment of items Lily had that reminded him of his mother and home. She had Muggle photographs hanging up, of people he presumed were her parents and sister. She had trinkets from muggle films and perfumes and make up. on the wall she had more polaroids, of nights out in London and day trips she had taken. Remus saw himself in a couple, looking tipsy and high, grinning lazily as he slouched against a wall or on an old sofa.

‘We had some good nights this summer, didn’t we?’ she spoke in a melodic tone, mirth evident in her voice. ‘everyone seems loads different when they aren’t at school’

Remus chuckled. She was most evidently talking about James, Sirius and Marlene. All three were Purebloods who up until Hogwarts, had never experienced a single Muggle item. Whilst Marlene had fully immersed in Muggle culture, Remus was still pleasantly surprised about how easily entranced Sirius and James became over the most simple of muggle items. He remembered Sirius becoming utterly obsessed with their family car, a second-hand Fiat Spider Convertible that Remus’ mum had dropped him off in last September. Sirius had been loitering outside Kings Cross station, inevitably hiding from his parents and seeing Remus get out of the car had caused him to squeal in such an unhuman like manner. Remus had rolled his eyes as he had fawned over the car, asking questions about how it worked and Hope had looked positively joyous over the teenager’s enthusiasm. After driving them around the block, Sirius had spent the whole train journey bragging to an equally excited James about the whole ordeal.

Whilst reminiscing, Remus had zoned out and forgotten where he was leading to a gasp of surprise when he turned around and came face to face with Lily, stood in a pair of shorts and just a bra. Remus threw a hand over his eyes in horror, letting out a screech.

‘Lily!’

Hearing her snort, Remus glared in her direction, eyes firmly closed.

‘Don’t be so dramatic Re!’ she said condescendingly ‘you got a blow job in public a few weeks ago, I’m sure you can handle seeing a bra!’

Remus opened his eyes then to fully glare at the girl. She stood, hands on hips in front of him, eyebrow raised as she looked at him. He replied in an equally haughty fashion

‘That was different. He was a random guy; you are my friend.’ Lily laughed at his reasoning, before walking over to her trunk to find a t-shirt. Whilst she was rifling around, she said,

‘Imagine James and Sirius’ reaction at hearing that you not only got to sneak into my room but also see me shirtless. What a scandal!’ she chuckled at her own joke before adding ‘and I stripped you earlier!’

Remus chuckled too then. He could imagine James’ horrified face at the thought that Remus had seen Lily in a state of undress as he sat on her bed. The boy wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Remus had to admit, looking at Lily as she now stood with her t-shirt in hand, James did have impeccable taste in girls. If he weren’t gay, he would probably find Lily attractive himself. She had beautiful Ivory skin, dark red hair and stunning green eyes. She was slim and toned and Remus presumed her boobs would be considered nice too. Remus looked away, giving her a moment of privacy to get changed and pull on her own shoes. Once ready, she grabbed the items from the drawer. Remus stood then and Lily, ever unpredictable simply shoved the items into his trouser pockets, a grin on her face.

‘You can look after those’ she said firmly. ‘If we get caught, you can just say you took them off a Slytherin like a good Prefect’. Lily Evans had a sneaky side about her sometimes.

The two of them made their way out of the common room, heading down the stairs and outside. Lessons would be over soon and people would mill around, therefore they needed somewhere more sneaky to go. Lily led Remus down near the Greenhouses, walking all the way to the back of them and near the abandoned Greenhouse at the back. Going to the side of it, she pushed a large plant pot out of the way, revealing a small hole.

‘Go wait by the door and I’ll let you in so you don’t have to climb through the hole’ she said as she scrambled through the tiny gap and disappeared. As Remus moved back round to the front of the greenhouse, he saw Kingsley making his way over. Kingsley was in the Seventh year and was the Gryffindor Quidditch Keeper. He was large and strong looking, his deep voice being an effective skill for pep talking the team. James had instantly given him a place on the team, no try-out needed. Remus greeted Kingsley who replied in the same, jovial way he always did when seeing Remus,

‘Ah Remus, how are you my friend? Congrats on the Prefect role!’ The boy himself could have been Prefect and Remus was surprised that he had gotten the position instead.

Lily opened the door then and ushered the two inside, closing the door behind them, closing out the outside world as they smoked, relaxed and forgot the stress of the day.

* * *

When Remus arrived at the Great Hall for dinner, Sirius and James were already there. Remus sat down, feeling lighter than a cloud and smiled at the two. James, distracted by his food only mumbled a hello, not even noticing Lily sat next to Remus. Sirius was eyeing Remus suspiciously but still greeted him,

‘Hello Moo…I mean Remus, you feeling better?’

Remus felt zen. His pain was gone completely and Weed always made him feel much more relaxed. His brain could shut off for a while and he could enjoy chilling with his friends.

‘Yeah Pads’ he replied slowly, nodding in a calm way. ‘I feel good now thanks. How was Muggle studies?’

Sirius and James had taken Muggle Studies for N.E.W.T, both for the ease of the subject and for their genuine interest in muggle culture. Sirius looked pleased to be asked and replied

‘Interesting! We learnt about Muggle schools today and isn’t it weird that Muggles don’t learn how to defend themselves in school?!’

Lily and Remus both nodded, too chilled out to want to start this discussion. They were much more content to let Sirius and James ramble about muggle stuff together. Remus looked at his plate, realising how hungry he was. He began to devour his food with gusto, as though he hadn’t eaten in days. James had now realised Lily was there and was trying to engage her in conversation, however she was much too zoned out to respond. Finally, Sirius snapped.

‘What is up with you two? Why are you acting like you are...wait!’ he leant forward now to speak in a lower tone. ‘are you two high? Did you get high today?’ he looked thoroughly offended.

Lily giggled slightly and Remus only shrugged and replied,

‘Yeah…so?’

Sirius, ever the dramatic placed a hand over his heart and looked thoroughly heartbroken. James too looked offended and Remus couldn’t figure out why. Sirius answered this without Remus having to ask,

‘Why do you always get stoned without the rest of us?’ Sirius asked, his voice showing a unrestrained hurt. ‘Me, James and Pete all like smoking too you know?!’

Remus rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to answer this question and offend them further. However, Lily didn’t restrain herself and replied,

‘Because you guys are shit at being high’ she punctuated this with a laugh that was just the tiniest bit too loud. James looked offended now, hating to be seen as being bad at anything.

‘How?’ he asked loudly, ‘How can you possibly be bad at getting high?’

Remus and Lily laughed together now, thoroughly entertained by their reactions. Remus sobered up first, answering them,

‘Well, James, you chat absolute shit and have no filter. Peter falls asleep instantly and Sirius, you are the worst! You don’t know your own limits and you get really ill.’

Both James and Sirius responded at once,

‘I do not!’

‘That is a lie!’

Leading to Remus and Lily to roll their eyes simultaneously. Their denial over it made it worse. Remus tried to justify this point’

‘Pads, I had to drag you home last time we got stoned. You were barely conscious!’

Sirius spluttered to justify himself, ‘I…I was….you know….I was drunk too!’

Lily had enough at this point, wanting them to just shut up so she could eat her food.

‘Fine!’ she said huffily. ‘fine, if you are so desperate to prove yourself. We will go smoke later. I’ll get the girls to come too and we will have a chill session ok?! Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to finish my hotpot in peace. Thankyouverymuch!’

Remus sniggered at her and shrugged, happy to go with the flow. The other two looked thoroughly pleased with themselves. Lily finished her dinner and left to tell the girls about their later plans, leaving the boys to finish their dinner in moderate peace.

* * *

Later that night, James and Lily were hunched over the map, trying to figure out the best passageway to take them from the greenhouses back to the common room after curfew. Remus had managed to get some more weed for him and the boys, leaving Lily to get some for the girls. Marlene and Sirius had managed to sneak into Hogsmeade, under the cloak to buy bottles of Firewhiskey from the Hogs Head and Dorcas, Frank and Alice had enchanted some bluebell flames to put into jars to keep them warm and between them, they had managed to gather as many of their muggle records as possible and put them into Alice’s bag which had an undetectable extending charm on it. This small session had now somehow became a sort of Impromptu party and Remus was unsure of how secretive they could be.

In small groups they left the common room, under the guise of going to clubs or the library so that if seen by a teacher, they could have an excuse for being out near Curfew. Around ten minutes after James and Sirius had left, James’ broom in tow, Remus and Lily go ready to leave too. They were both dressed in their casual clothing, however they both had prefect pins attached to their clothing, giving the illusion of doing their rounds for the evening.

They made their way down and outside, walking casually until they reached the entrance. From there, they had to sneak out and around the school, avoiding any areas that they could be seen from. Getting to the Greenhouse, they met up with James and Sirius outside to decide what charms needed to be placed. Sirius had been fairly quiet during the conversation but piped up, quietly stating that he knew an easier way to cast all of the charms needed to remain in secret. Remus didn’t want to think ok how or why Sirius knew this level of spell, combining several powerful spells to divert attention away from the group. Sirius pulled his wand from his pocket, swirling it around once before pointing it at the Greenhouse.

‘We need a secret keeper’ he stated solemnly ‘Usually this is done with an unbreakable vow but I can tweak it to have a different consequence…one less...murdery’

Lily looked mildly horrified but instead volunteered herself as secret keeper. James tried to protest this, instead offering himself but Lily insisted.

‘No, it’s fine!’ she said defensively, ‘I am perfectly able to keep a secret thank you very much!’

Sirius nodded at her and Remus felt oddly proud. Lily was proud and stubborn and very loyal. He had no doubt that she would keep this secret, despite its minimal consequences. Remus, however, was unsure about how serious this penalty would be knowing that as much as Sirius would ever intend to hurt, this spell would require a certain level of spell.

‘Pads, what spell will you change it to?’ He asked hesitantly. He didn’t want Sirius to think that he thought Sirius would intend anything nefarious.

‘Oh’ Sirius replied, twitching slightly, he seemed very conflicted. ‘Well…I have to set the parameters properly or it won’t work….the spell…’ he seemed to be fighting with himself, ‘the spell needs to be of some level of…risk, yanno?’

Lily seemed to grasp the severity of this moment and nodded understandingly. James however seemed horrified.

‘Well, we don’t have to do it, do we?’ James almost shouted, looking panicked. ‘We can just set lower-level ones…’

Lily was the one who replied,

‘I guess but…If Sirius is sure that this will be the best protection…I trust him to do it.’

Sirius smiled then, having Lily’s trust meant that she knew he wasn’t a dark wizard and wouldn’t hurt them.

After a few more moments of debating, James was sent inside and Remus, Lily and Sirius set about getting the contract sorted. Remus, with the neatest handwriting and best spelling wrote the contract out, ensuring that no mistakes would happen. Sirius and Lily performed a binding spell, setting up their magical contract. Once written, Lily read over the contract to ensure she was ok with what was set.

_The proposed secret keeper promises to withhold the secrets of the organisation and shall do so until the bind is released by the creator, Sirius Orion Black, on the set date of 31 st July 1978. In becoming the secret keeper, the proposed is bound to the contract of the creator with the enforced effects becoming the consequential actions if broken._

_In the instance of the secret being revealed, by direct choice of the Secret Keeper, then the proposed will face the consequences agreed by the binding partners; Notans Curse, in which the proposed will have the term of traitor branded painfully into the skin, leaving an intense and constant state of burning of the flesh._

_As the proposed agrees, the bind will remain firmly in place until the set date and shall only be removed by either the proposed breaking the bind or the bind expiring._

Lily swallowed as she nodded, handing the scroll to Sirius to perform the needed spells to enact the bind to the two of them. Lily produced a quill for Sirius, who added the spells needed to sing the contract. Once done, both of them joined hands once more as Lily signed the contract. Remus could feel the tension in the air as it was signed and once done, felt the rush of dark energy as it pulsed around them.

‘Right’ Sirius croaked out ‘once I write the rune on the door, the Greenhouse will be hidden until me or you remove it.’ He spoke this to Lily, he then turned to Remus ‘I’m unsure what will happen if you tell anyone Re, so best if you keep it a secret as well, just in case’. Remus nodded too.

Sirius moved to the Greenhouse door, using his wand to draw a rune on the door. A buzz of static sounded for a second, the rune flashing white for a moment before it turned back to black. The bind was set.

Remus gulped. Whilst seeming like such a dramatic choice to make for a simple, secretive party, this bind stood for something deeper and they all knew it. In Sirius introducing this into the group, he was cementing a level of trust between the three of them. From this point, there was no going back from here. Remus sensed that this would be a turning point for the whole group dynamic and shuddered at the potential risks that this could bring in their future. For now though, he would enjoy this night with his friends and try to ignore the lurking presence that the bind would bring.

**Author's Note:**

> As I'm from the UK, some of the phrases and words may not be known in other countries so i have translated here!
> 
> Offy - Off-Licence. a corner shop, usually a newsagents where you can buy Alcohol and Cigarettes 
> 
> The Masquerade - A Gay bar that was open in London during the 1970's. 
> 
> Tube Station - a station for the Underground train line in London 
> 
> 'Pissed off your Rocker' - Old Phrase meaning very Drunk!
> 
> That should be all of them!!


End file.
